06/03/2026
I’ve been doing a lot of deep excavation work lately, thanks to another shift in my family system that means I now have zero interaction with anyone in my family of origin.
The full story of my family estrangement is long and complex. To this day, it’s still a difficult story for me to tell. Because it’s deeply sad, confusing and also quite insane…
Since things fell apart, I’d been holding on to staying in touch with my three nieces.
Not wanting to entirely have no family.
And at the same time, wanting to still be an auntie to children I’ve loved their entire lives.
I moved back to Melbourne when I knew my sister would be having kids.
I was there the day each of them were born.
I love very much being their aunt.
But family loyalties are real. Most children can’t help but fall in line with their parents’ beliefs. There are anomalies, but for the most part, as a child survival means siding with your parents.
At Christmas and into early January, the wheels finally fell off the wagon of my remaining hope of having some family connection.
It completely floored me. The grief was all-encompassing, and it’s still a feature of my life every day.
This is the rock bottom beyond rock bottom that has challenged my self-identity with such intensity that I’ve felt at times like someone who’s never done any inner work.
Here I am again, at the beginning. Except of course, I’m not at the beginning.
I have resilience, self-reflection capability, friends, a therapist, nature, animals, writing, and space.
Entirely letting go of what was, and no longer looking back to see if I can help anyone else escape the madness of my family is unexpectedly… a relief.
Growing up in a deeply unsafe home with multiple adverse experiences meant that it’s been a long and complicated healing journey. It still is.
As I sift through the wreckage of my family system, I’m finding treasures amongst the ruins.
I’m working hand in hand with my younger selves, playing a game of true or false. Real or not real.
It’s a gift I wouldn’t have been able to access without this intense loss on top of all the other losses. So for this reason, I’m grateful. Strange but true. 🙏