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Dr Michael Player

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Dr Michael Player

Hi! I'm Dr Michael Player and I'm a clinical psychologist, author and an experienced mental health r

Dr Michael Player has established a private psychology practice to provide psychological therapy and counselling services to people dealing with a range of common mental health problems. Michael Player Psychology also provides specialist psychology and counselling services to people suffering with stress, disrupted mood, and provides organisations with employees advice on how they might better man

age their daily interactions with the world. His underlying clinical philosophy is that people are the panacea for their own ills, and will find their own solution if they are assisted to remove the obstacles that prevent change from their path.

15/12/2021

Are your problems causing problems?

Life is basically about solving problems - what time to get up, what to wear, how to get to work, how to get the kids fed. And while we occasionally get a few really difficult challenges, most of our life we’re solving a load of very manageable problems. So why do we stress so much about them? Well, it could simply be the way we think about the problems, and not the problems themselves. I mean, most of our problems are reoccurring – we’ve solved them before.

But do you sometimes fantasise that one day there won’t be any more problems? Like at some point, you won’t have another thing to do? Hmmm, maybe…but well, do you really want this – that nothing or no one else will ever depend on you again?

And is there really a chance that suddenly the world will change such that nothing you rely on will ever break or need repairing? Or you’ll never need to learn or do something new? Do you really think that could ever happen?

I can appreciate and even share the desire for a break here, particularly around some tricky life problems involving work, relationships, or family for example.

But is it realistic to expect an end to the emergence of new problems in our life?

Could it be that this unlikely expectation is actually causing most of our stress over our very manageable problems?

I mean, presently we get bent out of shape over mostly minor things, which means we bring our worst self to the next moment, interaction or person.

What actually is the best state to solve our problems? Is it to worry, deny, numb or avoid? Or does it make sense to accept that there will always be problems, and that you’re pretty good at solving them – well you have so far, you’re alive aren’t you!

I want to invoke the sentiments of the Dalai Lama who kinda said – “If you have a problem and you can solve it – no problem. If you have a problem and you can’t solve it – no problem.”

So don’t let problems surprise you, and don’t let them stress you out!

07/12/2021

The feelings are real, but they’re not true.

A lot of the Buddhist teachings are focused on trying to help us separate from our painful thoughts, emotions, in a way to reduce our suffering. This is also a big part of my work as a clinician, so I certainly appreciate the light they shine here. I find clients particularly struggle with certain thoughts or emotions, such as doubt, worry or fear. And a lot of my time is encouraging them not to listen to these thoughts, or be overwhelmed by the emotion.

And they quite rightly point out how difficult it is – the thoughts never seem to leave and the pain seems really real. And what would these yogis know, their lives aren’t like mine! But if for only one day if they only knew my pain, maybe they wouldn’t be so sure!

And I can certainly identify with that. One of the most helpful insights I learned from my meditation practice was that the feelings I was having were real, it’s just they weren’t true! This gave me a little reassurance that I wasn’t a complete failure as a yogi! It gave me awareness of, and allowed acknowledgement for what I was thinking or feeling, or what was in front of me. This also gives me permission to be human, and to feel bad, whilst reminding me that it’s only in my mind that I’m feeling the pain. And when I’m experiencing doubt, worry or fear, there’s a good chance that I’ve been taken hostage by my mind….again!

Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t do anything, I certainly don’t pretend that the thought or the feeling, or trigger for these doesn’t exist. No, awareness provide valuable information on what I may need to do, or focus more on. It gives me the motivation to act! In my experience, not acting only makes the situation worse! So remember my AAAC.

· Awareness

· Acknowledgement

· Acceptance

· Change

So by following these steps, you’ll get to change your situation. So, only take what you need from the thoughts and emotions, and leave the rest behind.

06/12/2021

“ARR” is not just for the pirates...

True compassion starts with compassion for yourself. change to the way you think - for example, giving yourself the permission to be human, reframing the situation, and changing perspective.

· Accept humanity – accept that problems are a part of life.

· Reframe – change to positive interpretation. Turn anxiety into excitement, a threat into a challenge, failure just means we’re closer to the finish line.

· Reality check – will it matter in a week? Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff!

04/12/2021

You’re Good Enough

Perfectionists believe that they are only worthwhile if they are pursuing or achieving the high standards they set for themselves. However, we know that when people base much of their self-worth on only one or two things, but mostly work. So they are putting a tremendous amount of pressure on themselves to make sure that these work out! And it’s not surprising these people tend to be overly focused on planning, checking and seeking reassurance so that they can achieve very high standards. And because they never internalise any reward for their effort or achievements, they run out of gas, and will feel stressed, irritable, depressed, anxious, guilty, and think negatively about themselves. How can this ever lead to contentment or happiness?

03/12/2021

A Stanford researcher found the three most protective beliefs you can have about stress are:

1. to view your body’s stress response as helpful, not debilitating – for example, to view stress as the energy you can use;

2. to view yourself as being able to handle, learn and even grow from the stress in your life; and

3. to view stress as something that everyone deals with, and not something that proves how uniquely screwed up you or your life is.

Another key conclusion from stress research is that “People with very meaningful lives worry more and have more stress as a sign that there’s something uniquely screwed up with you or your life, you can see stress as a measure of how engaged you are in activities and relationships, so that they are personally meaningful.

01/12/2021

Stress is only bad if you think it is!

Here’s the proof. In 1998, researchers asked thirty thousand adults in the US how much stress they had experienced in the past year and whether they believed stress was harming their health. Eight years later, the researchers found that high levels of stress increased the risk of premature death by 43%...but, only for those who also believed that stress was harming their health.

The people who reported high levels of stress but who did not believe their stress was harmful were not more likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk of death of anyone in the study, this risk was actually even lower than those with very little stress.

So, according to the research, it’s not the stress, but the way we think about it that affects us. How do we do this? Well, viewing stress as a helpful, rather than as a harmful part of life is associated with better health, emotional well-being and increased productivity at work – even during periods of high stress. So learn to change how you feel about stress and StressLess with me!

30/11/2021

Why are things so tough?

It’s difficult for me to believe, let alone write this, but did you know that we live in the safest and the most prosperous society in history? And it’s hard to imagine that this is the most peaceful period in history. We have bigger televisions, smaller phones, and safer cars, and yet we are more stressed and unhappy than we’ve ever been. Why?

1. Our relationships and community ties are weaker. Human contact and kinship help alleviate anxiety, and we often ignore this, for the second reason:

2. We’re more focused on transient goals such as money, fame, and image, which are correlated with anxiety and depression

3. We are sucking in much more information, and it is all alarmist! We live in a culture where fear is used to motivate us. We have a negative thought bias which means our biology is making us focus on the bad, not the immense good in our lives

4. We struggle with our unpleasant feelings and emotions - we fight them. And rather than letting them run their own course, we try to bury uncomfortable feelings like anxiety and stress through avoiding, numbing and distraction

5. Our expectations are way too high, probably because of society’s emphasis on “you can be anything you want to be…and if you’re not, you’re unworthy.”

Join me to learn how to turn the pressure down, and come alive and thrive…

28/11/2021

. Replenish or Perish

Stress is a balancing act, I always say to clients – you can do as much as you want, as long as you are doing the things to nourish and replenish yourself as a counterbalance. This is where I get resistance - clients often don’t get it or think that ‘being nice’ to themselves sets an impossible to maintain precedent, is a waste of precious time or is just plain weak. My experience is that if you don’t internalise any reward for the efforts that you offer, you’ll become jaded, stressed, and eventually you’ll find yourself overwhelmed. And just like your bank account, you can only spend what you’ve deposited. So it’s just a matter of when you’ll run out. Find that one thing that you love that makes your heart sing and lose contact with all your thoughts or notion of time. And do this regularly, every day even! You can achieve as much as you want in the world, as long as you have a credit balance.

27/11/2021

Accept, Present, Learn

I’ve been told I work too much by those close to me. You might have been told the same! I care too much, I’m a little too self-absorbed, I like to feel needed and I always bite off way too much. I started with one degree and ended with four. And thanks to circumstance, good fortune and a good measure of foolhardiness, six months after I started to learn how to sail, I completed my first Sydney-to-Hobart yacht race – one of the toughest ocean races in the world. I love challenges and striving hard, it brings out my best. I distinctly remember feeling that after my first 10 day Vipassana meditation course – that I could do absolutely anything I set for myself. It was powerful, but sometimes dangerously held belief. And sometimes, life has forced me to reign it in.

But my intent is good, and my effort is always consistent and strong. My drive now is to show you how to StressLess, To teach you what we should have been taught in school. How to avoid overwhelm and smile at adversity. How to accept our present circumstances, and even like our present self. My motivation is to teach you how to enjoy what you have. How to appreciate your people, your time and the events in your life. I’ve seen the change in people just from learning to take a wider view of their lives, and not just focus on the tiny piece that disturbs them. I’ve seen clients who were so stressed that they broke from jobs, relationships and their good habits, and I’ve seen them grow into healthy, balanced and connected partners, parents and friends. From these experiences, I’ve learned how to help people take their mental health seriously, and not to see it as a cop-out. With these insights, you’re able to do anything you set your mind to, and that’s where we’re heading, so let’s find how.

26/11/2021

Never enough

I’ll be honest with you - I probably care too much about a small number of really important things in my life. I care about my clients, and if what we’re doing makes a difference in their lives? I care about my online offerings - if people are getting some value from those? I care whether I’m doing enough, or doing it well enough, my fitness, health, and if I’m being my best self to those around me most of the time. That’s the majority of my concerns, and these can cause me stress and overwhelm. So if you too have periods like this, I think I have some insight into what you’re

going through. And with my training and experience, I’ve learnt what creates both acceptance and change in people, so maybe I can help you too.

25/11/2021

Can you Change Your Mind?

We know that inflexibility in the mind and body are a real health danger. Whilst the opposite, being flexible is much better for us. And so this means we need to be more open to changing our minds. And no matter how liberal or open-minded we think we are, we could all be a little more flexible about how we think of ourselves. So my advice is simple - if you’re like most, and going to think or say a lot of bad things about yourself, then you ought to be open to changing your mind…freedom from stress is learning how.

14/11/2021

Do you know how many decisions you make every day? It can start with…should I press snooze…(again!), what to wear, how to get to work, whether I make lunch or eat out, espresso or latte, how to complete the work assignment, and so on.

But did you know that decision making and willpower are intimately tied together – each has major impacts on the other, partly due to what we call decision fatigue? The more decisions we make exhaust our willpower, and we tend to make worse decisions; this is particularly obvious at the end of the day or after a period of critical decision making - we’ll make worse choices, particularly concerning our mental health. Or resisting temptations. You know what I mean!

Decision fatigue can also result from too many options, which increases the load of mental and emotional distress.

For example, when your spouse asks you for the 1000th time what should you eat for dinner. And you groan, thinking, "I don't know, why do you have to ask me every time?"

This response is clearly unhelpful, and our decision fatigue can set us in the direction of marital distress! So what can we do about it? Well, we can start by automating a lot of what we do in the day, so we’re forced to make fewer decisions. Steve Jobs knew what he was going to wear every day – that’s one big decision removed! You might want to think about meal plans for the week ahead or set a lot of your calendar in advance so you don’t have to think about what you should constantly be doing. We can remain flexible because life changes, but I find people have a lightened mental load if they feel they’re on track.

So take time to think about it, and then make the one crucial decision to reduce your decision making. We also know that prolonged decision fatigue can lead to many other mental health issues - anxiety, depression, irritability, loneliness!

My StressLess Online Management Series is a comprehensive program that provides solutions to all the factors responsible for causing mental stress and teaches you how to lighten your mental load.
Register for this life-changing series, where you’ll discover the best version of yourself. Visit www.michaelplayerpsychology.com.au

Address

Sydney, NSW
2022

Opening Hours

Tuesday	9am - 7:30pm
Wednesday	10am - 7:30pm
Thursday	10am - 7:30pm

Website

http://stresslesswebinar.michaelplayerpsychology.com.au/

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