10/02/2021
A fantastic read on why your little ones come home from school exhausted and emotional! I know I’ll make some changes to my oldest starting school this year.
Parents often report the "after school meltdown"- kids either come home extremely volatile and emotional, or become quiet and withdrawn. Why does this happen?⠀
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Firstly, the social and behavioural expectations of kids are far greater at school than they are at home. Kids have to use a lot of energy and resources to pay attention, follow directions, sit still, retain information, manage friendships, please their teacher...the list goes on. When it comes time to head home, it can be challenging for kids to conjure up the same amount of resources required to keep it together.⠀⠀
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Secondly, they've had to manage all of this without their comfort person, their primary attachment figure - their parent/caregiver. This means that once school has finished, they may feel frustrated by the fact that they were left to deal with 6-7 hours of some pretty tough stuff on their own.⠀
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Thirdly, they feel like they can melt down at home with their caregivers, because this is their comfort zone, where they know that they are safe, supported and loved. No matter how big the meltdown, they know that their special big person will be there to pick up the pieces.
How can you help a child experiencing the "after-school restraint collapse"?⠀⠀⠀
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• Spend an extra 5-10 mins with them before school⠀
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• Send them to school with notes in their lunchbox, a picture of you, or a toy that reminds them of you⠀
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• Instead of focusing on the goodbye, and telling them all of the fun things they will do that day, redirect their attention to your next hello, e.g. “Have a great day – when I pick you up, shall we go to the park or library?”⠀
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• Give them time to relax and have a snack after school, before asking them about their day⠀
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• Engage in physical activity when you get home⠀
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• Have some down time before doing homework (if your school gives homework...)⠀
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• Offer understanding and empathy, rather than punishment/discipline for any unwanted behaviour⠀
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Respond as best you can with the resources you have.