Sarah Gilligan Therapy

21/04/2022

Meta-emotions are the feelings we have about our feelings. They often represent the beliefs around emotions we developed growing up.

An example of this might be feeling angry, and then feeling ashamed for having anger. Anger is the primary emotion, and shame is the secondary or meta-emotion. Often meta-emotions stem from beliefs around emotions that we learnt relationally throughout our childhood - for example the belief that certain emotions (such as anger) are not okay to feel, or the belief that emotions (such as sadness) shows weakness. If we grew up in an emotional climate that was based on ‘emotion coaching’, feelings of any kind were encouraged and validated. On the other hand, if we grew up in an ‘emotion dismissing’ climate, certain feelings were discouraged, and we may find it difficult to accept our emotions, and validate the emotions of others.

In relationships, when each partner has been brought up in different emotional climates, friction, lack of understanding, and conflict is common.

Meta-emotions can therefore impact the way we live our lives, including our ability to connect with and regulate our emotions, our capacity to make grounded decisions that align with our values, our ability to empathise with, and validate the emotions of others, and the quality of our connection to our inner emotional world.

Being curious about how you feel about the emotions you are experiencing, can help you build an understanding of your meta-emotions and their impact. This can lead to greater awareness and acceptance of the range of emotions we feel as humans, as well as increase psychological flexibility, and our ability to regulate our emotions.

It’s normal to feel an array of different emotions, and it’s ok to feel them all.

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29/03/2022

The truth about is that it’s NOT an event. It’s an experience. An experience that threatens or overwhelms our body, mind and soul. And it can happen whenever something is too much, too soon, and too fast for you.

So turning on the news or feeling neglected can trigger trauma just like abuse, violence or natural disasters can. It’s your ability to process the experience that determines if it is traumatic, not the experience itself.

That’s why acknowledging what happened, no matter how big or small, is the first crucial step to working through it. The next step? Seeking professional support.

Talking to a trauma-informed therapist can help you re-establish a sense of safety in your body and the world, soothe your nervous system, and integrate the trauma.

Need to process a traumatic experience? Connect with us www.mindfulsynergi.com.au

29/03/2022

Shame is an incredibly painful emotion that we all experience at some point throughout our lives🤍

Toxic shame is when this shame lingers on, and affects ones self-image and sense of self. This can be very psychologically damaging, and is a particularly common experience in the lives of complex trauma survivors. It brings an inherent feeling that one is unworthy, and defective.

This form of shame is usually passed to us in abusive dynamics from a young age, where shame is used as a tool for control. And it’s exactly that - highly toxic. It becomes internalised, embedded in, and fused to our identity, as well as absorbed into our nervous system, making it pretty difficult to shift.

Shame can also be a tough emotion to talk about. This is because it’s something we usually want to hide, from both ourselves and others. The truth is, by expressing, exploring, and opening up to a trusted someone about this part of ourself, we can transmute light and healing upon it. Shame can rarely survive empathy, being spoken about, and being understood by an attuned listener.

Shifting this feeling of shame takes work and courage, and is often a lengthy process, as we peel through the layers of our trauma to uncover this emotion. Becoming aware of and observing our internal dialogue can be a starting point, in identifying our inner critic and the presence of shame.

This kind of work isn’t going to happen overnight, but by taking steps in safely acknowledging and understanding shame and it’s origins, we can begin learning how to shift and create new internal experiences🤍

26/03/2022

GROWTH🤍

A picture taken many moons ago, can remind us just how far we’ve come.

Growth and change can happen so incrementally that we don’t even notice it taking place...until one day we do. Perhaps an old photograph reminds us of a version of ourself, we hadn’t realised no longer exists. We might start noticing that the things we used to struggle with have become a little easier. Maybe we have become more comfortable in situations we would frequently avoid, or are able to confront a situation we would normally have retreated from, or set a personal boundary we never thought we could. Whatever progress you’ve made, big or small, it’s important to acknowledge, and it’s definitely worth celebrating.

As we change slowly, so does the quality of both our internal and external worlds. Transformation occurs on so many levels when we start to tune in, and return home to our authentic Self.

Growing older, I’ve become more reflective of the little changes that show up, because they really do form the bigger picture. Healing is full of challenges, it’s a long, and windy road, and often a life-long journey, and commitment to ourselves. We’re likely to take a few wrong turns, get lost, and at times need a little extra support. Be gentle with yourself as you embark on this journey.

If extra support is what you’re feeling you might need at the moment, connect with our team of therapists via the link in my bio.

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24/03/2022

22/03/2022

Are your ways of coping helping or holding you back?

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When we develop coping mechanisms to help us survive stressful or traumatic events, we often continue to use these mechanisms long after the original threat has passed, and as life goes on some of these ways of coping may begin to hold us back from the person we want to be, the quality of relationships we want to have, and the life we want to live in the here-and-now.

Some common maladaptive coping mechanisms include:

~ Avoidance - avoiding situations and people that trigger our anxiety or other uncomfortable feelings.

~ Withdrawal - withdrawing emotionally from friends and loved ones, and becoming socially isolated.

~ Behavioural disengagement - giving up or reducing effort.

~ Unhealthy self-soothing- this might include substance abuse, binge eating, or overuse of internet or video games.

~ Compulsive or risk-taking behaviours.

~ Self-harm.

~ Excessive daydreaming or other forms of dissociation.

~ Emotional numbing - shutting down, or disconnecting from our feelings.

These are just a few, and while many of them may provide short-term relief, over the long-term they can create more psychological upset.

Reflecting on, and identifying our coping mechanisms can help us evaluate which ones are actually protecting us in the present, and which ones may be causing us harm. This can be the first step in creating healthier behaviours and ways of coping over time.

It’s important to note that many of these coping strategies may have been what you needed to help you survive a difficult time in your life. Self-compassion is essential while working through which of them may need to stay, and which ones you may be ready to work on saying goodbye to.🤎

11/03/2022

Please share if you know someone who could use support right now🤍

08/03/2022

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Did you know around 1 in 6 Australian women will experience depression, and 1 in 3 women will experience anxiety, in their lifetime?

Post-partum depression impacts 1 in 6 women during their first year after birth.

And women experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and eating disorders at higher rates than men.

But these figures aren’t just statistics. They’re our mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, daughters and friends.

Normalising women’s mental health challenges this International Women’s Day, and every day, can open the door to deeper conversations about trauma, boundaries, self-care and support.

You can help break the mental health bias by having real conversations with the women in your life.

Celebrate them, yes! But also listen deeply to the hidden challenges they face.

It might just change their life.



IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two women holding hands looking into the sunset.

07/03/2022

For all those experiencing loss right now, your grief is valid, and your story matters.

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Whether you’ve lost someone you love, your home, your business, your sense of safety, your pet, or part of your identity - grief is a natural response to loss, and there’s no right way, or set time-frame within which grief takes place. It will look different for everyone, it won’t be linear, and it can show up in many ways.

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When we lose something or someone that is dear to us, there’s often more to our loss than meets the eye. Secondary losses often occur alongside our primary loss, as we realise the loss has a domino effect on our way of life, routine, belief systems, or interactions with others. Be kind to yourself as you try to reorientate yourself in a world that can feel like it’s shattered.

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If you’re supporting someone through grief, and don’t know the right words to say - holding space and allowing them to move through their feelings in your presence is often the most healing support you can provide. If you’re unsure it can help to ask the question - would you like me to just listen, or would you like me to give advice? Often you’ll find they just need a safe space to process their loss, as they work to reconstruct meaning in their life.

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Grief may never leave us, but it can change as we grow stronger through it, and develop ways to cope over time.

24/02/2022

We all have an inner child. 🤍

Often things that trigger us in adulthood stem from things that happened in our childhood, that haven’t yet been processed. Finding moments to connect to the wounded child inside, can bring insight and transformation. It can also reinvigorate your sense of wonder, joy & playfulness.

Inner child work can be done in therapy, but it can also be done in your own time.

If you experienced trauma as a young child, it’s important to listen to your inner child and let them know that they are now safe and cared for. Letting them know you hear them and see them, that they are loved, and that it’s ok to make mistakes - are important assurances, because they may have never been told these things.

As you undertake the process of compassionately reparenting the inner child, you can begin to heal this part of self and bring conscious awareness to it. Benefits of this may mean you are less reactive in situations, and have an expanded window of tolerance. You may be better able to meet your own needs, set boundaries, and form healthier relationships.

When we leave the door open to our inner child and open up a loving dialogue, we can begin the process of learning to feel safe within ourselves and ultimately begin to heal.

💜💛💙💚🧡❤️