25/12/2025
The classic Christmas scene is probably familiar to most of us. All the rosy-cheeked, cheerful family members from snowy-headed matriarchs to giggling children, are enjoying their Christmas lunch together. The table is laden with meats, vegetables, pudding and wine. People pop Christmas bonbons and knives clunk on plates. In the background, the Christmas tree blinks a rainbow of light, and the Christmas carol playlist tempts even the most tone-deaf into song. Everyone belongs. The family plays backyard cricket, while grandpa snoozes in an armchair, smelling like brandy.
This is the scene that supermarkets and stores conjure up too, through their TV adverts, shiny posters, and earworm jingles; encouraging everyone to spend BIG on all manner of foods, decorations, alcohol, and presents. They appeal to our emotional and social needs for belonging, safety, and connection. And yet, this shiny, joyful, delicious, loving-family time of year unfortunately brings dread, loneliness, and sadness to many people.
This time of year can magnify our sorrows and struggles. I know that my experiences are of being alone for Christmas because my children are away and very much missing my best friend who passed in January. Christmas can bring the pain front and centre. There’s those of us who are alone at Christmas, who have no family, or have strained, fractured relationships. Some parents are missing their children due to separation/divorce. Some have loved ones who’ve passed on, leaving painful holes in family get-togethers. Others amongst us are struggling financially and food or presents are difficult to afford. It is a time of year that can make loneliness, grief, stress, mental health issues or addictions even more intense.
This article offers a few ideas for surviving Christmas.
Christmas can draw attention painfully to what we want, but don’t currently have. Missing our children, knowing there are family members who’ve rejected us, having no close friends, not enough money, just being alone in your house with no one around – we can feel the pain; it’s legitimate pain. You’re human and you’re a feeling being. We need to express and release whatever feelings come up and avoid sitting and stewing in it for days in a row.
Remember to practice self-compassion and kindness. Reassure yourself that you are allowed to have your feelings, even the unpleasant and painful ones. Speak in a kind and non-judgmental way to yourself in your inner talk. You are not broken or a failure for having difficult feelings. If some aspects of your life not working well at present, you will naturally have pain, frustration, sadness etc about that; it is not a reflection of who you are, your character, strengths, success, or personality. You are still an amazing, unique person with strengths, achievements and desires. Christmas is likely to make you feel things more acutely; this is not your fault. It’s the situation that is difficult, not a failing of yours. This is the sort of self-talk to tell yourself, and the ways to counter-act the heavier chatter inside.
Part of self-compassion is to make things “less difficult.” There are things we can do to bring down the intensity of feelings such as loss, grief, and loneliness. To achieve this, planning is required. If you already know what will challenge you, work out in advance, how to make that a little easier or soothed. Sitting alone with our thoughts circling or intense feelings can be eased by not staying home all day or alone all day, for example.
Plan for meaningful activities. Find a beach, park, or trail to walk. Go fishing to your favourite spot with a picnic. Decide on a few people to phone or message for a chat. Research the local churches, charities and neighbourhood houses who offer Christmas lunch gatherings, services or socialising, and join in. If you need food, approach the foodbanks or even ask local community pages, people will donate. Plan your own menu and focus in the Now on enjoying cooking it. Make sure the ideas are easy to do, not too complicated, but you can do them at a relaxed pace.
If loneliness is your biggest heartache, please consider - time to yourself does not have to be experienced as suffering - loneliness is about our perceptions of isolation. Therefore, we can play around with our perceptions of alone time. Alone time has many positives. Intentionally use alone time to focus on something that is only for YOU - for no other reason than something is intrinsically important to YOU. Use it as space to explore more of what interests you. Use it as downtime to rest from busyness. Use stillness to reflect, dream, meditate. Plan to have a bath, read books you’re interested in, to dance and sing to your favourite playlists.
There are many online resources to explore meditation, mindfulness etc. (Check out treesisters.org, mindful.org; greatest.com has an article with 6 breathing exercises). Plan to explore TED Talks on topics of interest to you; start with “Ten TED Talks that Help with Self-Improvement.”
A writing activity:
On one sheet of paper, write down all the things that are difficult about this time of year for you. Record how your body feels, the emotions that surge, the thoughts and beliefs that bombard your mind. Get it all down on the paper until there is nothing left to write. Let it be a big dump of all the struggle, unfairness, pain, loss and frustration. Then fold it up and put it in an envelope or drawer.
On another piece of paper, write down ideas for ways you choose to use this Christmas period towards your well-being. You can copy suggestions above. Or think up more of your own. How do you want your body to feel? What emotions do you want to experience? Therefore, how will you support, soothe, and be kind to yourself and help those come about? It might sound funny, but one activity I like to do, is to clean my house – but not as a rushed, heavy-duty job – I go slowly, with gratitude, explore possessions, re-organise, fix etc. It’s a very peaceful and positive experience.
Over this Christmas period, when those thoughts, feelings or stories show up again, tell yourself that you do have a record of that, and tell your mind it does not need to keep cycling it and repeating back to you. Re-direct your mind to your list of activities and ideas – what would be a good idea for you Now? Today? The next 15 minutes?
An art activity:
Decide to do some drawing, painting or collage each day in your Christmas break.
You can make two different types of images:
The first image is responsive to your difficult feelings or upsetting thoughts. It’s for the inner chatter that is unkind, judgmental and harsh; make an image using colours that seem fitting for it. Don’t think about it very much, just grab the colours and make the marks, shapes, and patterns. Let the hand move how it wants to move. Get that difficult stuff down onto the image.
The second image is to help inspire you into self-supportive, kind, and compassionate ways to be with yourself. Acknowledge that you did get out those heavier feelings, but then ask – what can come into your body, feelings and mind now? Ask for the inspiration and ideas to come from body and heart. Let it emerge in the art without over-thinking it. Reach for colours, make the shapes and images that just want to show up. Some type of shift will happen, so make sure you notice it and then move on to responding to that new idea or inspiration. For example, sometimes after making a painting, I want to do something active like gardening, playing with the dogs, or going for a walk.
Even though Christmas can be a very social, loving and enjoyable time, it can also be a difficult time for many people. This article gives you a few ideas that you can actively do to support your coping. Use these to also inspire your own more unique and personalised activities, relaxations and kindness practices. You can share below in the comments, if you found something interesting, helpful, enlightening or inspiring. This way we can try your ideas too.
