Embody Being - Health Psychology & Somatic Psychotherapy

02/12/2025

26/11/2025

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22/11/2025

Pia Mellody explains in her book Facing Love Addiction that both anxious and avoidant attachers hold two fears.

The conscious fear and the unconscious fear sit in opposite places for each style.

The anxious attacher knows they are afraid of being left.

They are usually unaware that they are deeply afraid of real intimacy.

The avoidant attacher knows they are afraid of closeness.

They are usually unaware that they are afraid of abandonment.

Both styles carry the same fears, just flipped.

These opposite fears create patterns that collide inside the relationship.

Each person reacts from their own fear without realising what is happening.

This is why the dynamic becomes so hard to manage, because both people are
being pulled by fears that mirror each other.