Nenad Bakaj Counselling & Wellness Solutions

11/02/2026

Happy 37th Birthday!

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE OF A 37-YEAR-OLD MAN

(without a wife, without children, without a university degree, without a stable career)

This is not a diagnosis—rather, it is a typical inner landscape that I often see in clinical practice.

🧩 1. WHAT SUCH A MAN REALLY THINKS
🧠 a) “Something is wrong with me”

This is the most common thought.

“Everyone has moved forward, and I’m the only one stuck.”
“If I were smarter, braver, more disciplined… I’d be different.”
“My life turned out weak.”

👉 This is a toxic internalization of social expectations.

⏳ b) Obsession with time

“The train has passed.”
“It’s too late for everything.”
“What if I die alone?”

Time becomes a psychological enemy.

🧩 c) Comparing himself with peers

On Facebook/Instagram he sees:

- children

- houses

- degrees

- careers

But he does not see:

- divorces

- depression and anxiety

- empty marriages

- debts

👉 The brain chooses the worst possible scenario for itself.

🤯 d) Existential questions

He begins to think:

“What is the point of everything?”
“Is this my entire life?”
“Why was I even born?”

This is an existential crisis but also a sign of deep awareness.

😨 2. WHAT HE FEARS THE MOST

☠️ a) Loneliness and meaninglessness

He is not only afraid of being alone.
He is afraid of living and dying without leaving any trace.

“Who will remember me?”
“Will anyone cry for me?”

This is a deep human fear of existential invisibility.

🧓 b) Becoming an “old failed man”

The stereotype:

- bald/grey

- overweight

- bitter

- living alone

- blaming women, politics, society

👉 This is the archetype he fears becoming.

💔 c) Never loving or being loved again

“Who will want me in my 40s?”
“Women want younger, successful, rich men.”

Here's the mix:

- biological fear

- social myths

- male insecurity

🧨 d) Having wasted his life

This is the hardest fear. The feeling of regret is psychologically heavier than pain.

🌌 3. WHAT HE SECRETLY WANTS (BUT RARELY ADMITS)
❤️ a) One person who truly sees him

Not necessarily a perfect woman.
But someone who says: “I love you. You are not lost.”

This is a childlike need for secure attachment.

🏡 b) A normal, peaceful life

Most men do not want luxury.

They want:

- a partner/wife

- a small house

- routine

- a sense of belonging

👉 An “ordinary life” becomes a luxury.

🧠 c) To be respected

Respect is the male equivalent of love.

- someone listens to him

- his words matter

- he is not “the failed son,” “the loser,” “the odd one”

🌄 d) A second chance

In fantasies, he:

- finishes his studies

- changes careers

- finds love

- becomes a mentor, writer, coach, therapist

- lives authentically

👉 This is the latent potential of the self.

🧩 4. EMOTIONAL INNER CONFLICTS

⚔️ a) Pride vs. shame

- proud that he survived

- ashamed that he did not become “successful”

This conflict drains energy.

🧊 b) Desire for closeness vs. fear of rejection

- he wants a woman

- he is afraid to try

👉 Avoidance protects from pain but creates loneliness.

🧠 c) Fatalism vs. hope

One part says: “It’s over.”
Another whispers: “You still can.”

This is the psychological crossroads of midlife.

🧬 5. DEEP PSYCHOLOGICAL DYNAMICS

🧒 The inner child

Often there is:

- a feeling of not being good enough for parents

- an internalized critical voice

- trauma or neglect

Age 37 is often when the inner child starts to scream.

🧠 Male identity in crisis

Traditionally, male identity =
👉 job + wife + children + status

When these are missing:
- identity collapses
- existential panic emerges

🌑 6. THE DARK SIDE (rarely discussed)

Some men develop:

- cynicism toward women

- envy of successful peers

- nihilism

- depression

- fantasies of escape or death

👉 This is a normal risk, but it is not destiny.

🌱 7. THE POSITIVE POTENTIAL OF THIS PROFILE

Such a man often has:

- deep introspection

- empathy

- a philosophical mind

- potential for late but authentic development

- wisdom that the “successful” often never develop

🧩 IN THE END, A VERY IMPORTANT TRUTH

👉 Men who “succeed” early often never get to know themselves.
👉 Men who get lost often find themselves deeply.

06/02/2026

Anxiety keeps you alive.

04/02/2026

Healing is not about fixing yourself so someone stays. It’s about becoming safe enough within yourself that love no longer feels like a threat.

03/02/2026

The people who matter
don't mind. And the people
who mind don't matter.

14/01/2026

13/01/2026

Alcohol enters the bloodstream and is carried to every part of the body. It interferes with cell membranes, increases inflammation, disrupts hormones and neurotransmitters, and produces toxic by-products (like acetaldehyde). Because all organs and tissues depend on healthy cells and blood supply, alcohol has a negative effect, directly or indirectly, on all of them, even if some are affected more than others (like the brain, liver, heart, nerves, and gut).

08/01/2026

Narrative Therapy

05/01/2026

There is more to mental health treatment than pills.
(Christopher M. Palmer, M.D.)

03/01/2026

The most powerful way to change
brain chemistry is through food.

24/12/2025

Progress is more important than perfection because perfection keeps us waiting, while progress keeps us moving. Progress moves us forward. Perfection keeps us stuck.

01/12/2025

December 1st: The First Day of Summer!

Another beginning.

In Australia, summer doesn’t arrive by European logic - no waiting for the solstice, no astronomical precision. Here, summer simply opens its doors on the 1st of December. The calendar declares it, and that’s that. For someone coming from the northern hemisphere, where December means winter coats, early darkness, and the first snowflakes, this feels almost surreal. It’s as if two versions of the world collide: one where Christmas lights glow in the snow, and another where fans are switched on, cold drinks are poured, and trips to the pool or beach are planned.

I didn’t know this myself until I arrived here. And perhaps in that difference between north and south lies a certain quiet magic.

Because every first day of summer in Australia carries a double story. One personal - held in each of us, shaped by the summers we once knew - and one new, local, southern, written the moment the sun begins to burn early in the morning with that sharp, golden light.

Even the years here feel different. (To be fair, they probably feel different everywhere.) On this day last year, the sky opened and the rain didn’t stop. Today, everything seems calmer, lighter, as if this summer brings a different story. I hope for a better, gentler one. These are the small moments that catch you off guard. You realise time has its own temperament: it doesn’t repeat itself, dislikes routine, refuses to be predictable. One year it forces you under an umbrella; the next it invites you outside to breathe air that smells of eucalyptus and the Pacific.

Maybe that’s why the first day of summer always feels special: you’re not just looking at the sky - you’re looking into yourself.

Because while the calendar shows December, those of us from the north instinctively expect winter, but instead the heat arrives. As if life quietly reminds you that nothing is set in stone, that our inner calendars are habits, not sacred rules. And so today, once again, I realise how much flexibility is a quiet art of living. If you can accept that your December is hot instead of cold, perhaps you can accept other changes too - the important ones, the ones within.

The first day of summer often begins gently. The sound of the air conditioner, the smell of freshly cut grass in the park and in your neighbour’s yard, seagulls circling the shore as if checking who has shown up for the start of the new season. People step out barefoot onto terraces, stand on the grass in front of their homes, and carefully test the air as if to confirm: “Yes, it’s really here.”

And then, somewhere between morning coffee and the afternoon sun, a small shift in mood happens. You start thinking of what’s ahead: maybe a weekend trip, maybe a promise to eat less ice cream this year (or more - why not?), or some small goal that might shape the months to come.

That’s the beauty of beginnings - they carry a story we don’t yet know.

And maybe that’s why summer warms us so easily. With the first day of summer come new expectations. We hope for days that are light, warm but not too hot, simple. We hope the sun will dry out a few worries, awaken that old, strong desire to live fully. Even though we know there will be days of heavy humidity and the aircon running nonstop, still - summer brings something that’s hard to put into words. A mix of freedom, optimism, and the sense that anything is possible.

And as I look at the blue sky above, different from last year’s first of December, it’s easy to see that we are changing too. You only need to look in the mirror each day. Year after year, summer after summer, your life slowly draws itself onto your face. Maybe we’ve grown a little wiser than we were last year, or maybe not. Who knows… “knowledge is fragile,” as the great Croatian poet Dobriša Cesarić said. Maybe we’re a bit more tired, a bit quieter - but still here, still alive. Ready for a new season.

That’s why the first day of summer is always special to me. Not only because of the sun - there’s about as much of it here as on Hvar, on the Adriatic, roughly nine months a year - nor because of the heat, which sometimes there’s too much of. It’s special because it invites me to pause, listen to myself, and open up to change. It whispers, like a wise counsellor: “Here’s another new beginning. Do something beautiful with it.”

I hope I will.

What about you?

17/11/2025

Progress isn’t measured by perfection, but by the courage to keep going. (Chuck Norris)

Here’s a photo I took several months ago.

Progress isn’t measured by perfection, but by the courage to keep going. I’m still setting goals, pushing forward and choosing discipline over comfort. No matter your age, keep striving for the best version of yourself.

God Bless,
Chuck Norris