11/04/2026
Het is belangrijk om te durven praten over zelfdoding, eerlijk zoals het is geweest om het healingproces te kunnen aangaan. Het tekent de familie en de omgeving voor altijd. Respect hebben voor hun keuze, de inzichten willen en kunnen zien, de acceptatie hierin… 😇🦋💖🫂
TW: Su***de
When I’m supporting a family after a someone has taken their own life, one of the first questions people often grapple with is, "Should we tell people that it was su***de?”
The stigma, shame and guilt around su***de (and around mental health in general) can add another layer of difficulty to an already difficult process.
Families are in incredible pain, and sometimes they think that if they don't actually name this painful thing, maybe it will hurt a little less.
In my experience, that's not how it works.
If it feels OK for them, and it's the right thing to do in the situation, I encourage families to tell their community the truth. It can take courage, but healing begins with the truth.
When I am officiating the funeral—and if the family agrees— I will say, in the first few minutes, that the person died by su***de. As soon as I do this, I feel all the shoulders in the room drop. People say to themselves, "I can relax because I know this ceremony is going to tell the truth." We don't heal when there's a lie, even a well-intentioned one.
I tell people that it was su***de, and I then I weave a web of compassion and love with my words, and I tell them how the person did it. I describe it in a few words, in a factual way with no drama or judgment. "He used a gun." "She hung herself." "It was an intentional overdose." As hard as it is to hear, people want to know the truth.
If we don't tell the truth at the funeral, three things happen.
First, the funeral it isn’t a successful healing ceremony. People sit through the event, but they're not really paying attention, because in their mind they're wondering, "What? How? Why?"
Second, we get what I call Reception Whisper Syndrome. Those questions get whispered at the reception because they weren’t addressed publicly at the ceremony. Instead of being open and connected, there is an almost covert conversation going on.
Third, it's harder for the family to get the support they need. When the su***de is a shared, public truth, we can support the family for what we know they've been through, instead of dancing around it.
The truth isn't always easy, and the truth isn't always pretty. But the truth is what heals in the long run.
If we hold the truth in a way that's tender, respectful, and heartful, it can bring us through some of the most difficult times together.
