12/02/2024
How many of y’all have believed this myth? I’ve had many a consultation call where potential couples clients ask if I’m married - I’m not, and I’ve never been - and as soon as I say no, they get the ick and we don’t get further than the consultation.
I’ve not personally experienced many things my clients have, yet that does not hinder us being able to connect, and does not hinder the progress my clients make in our work together. That’s because of a thing called empathy. Since I ask my clients directly about their experiences and how they’ve made them feel, I’m able to then imagine what that might feel like if I were in their situation. Empathy is such a gift, and I feel like we don’t tap into it as much as we could. We don’t even acknowledge its power as much as we could.
Marriage is a beautiful covenant, and I wholeheartedly respect that. At the end of the day, a marriage is a relationship, a partnership. That’s the core theme. Even if you feel that there is just something that “only married people understand”, I encourage you to accept support from unmarried clinicians. Alongside empathy, there’s a deep professional understanding of relationships that is an asset to the therapeutic work - and also, the clinician’s personal experience and understanding of relationships - it just wasn’t a marriage. If you still struggle with the idea of seeking support from an unmarried clinician, remind yourself that at the end of the day someone doesn’t have to be in the exact same experience as you to be able to help you. Someone doesn’t have to have the same personal history as you to help you. Someone just has to have the tools to do so, and competent therapists do - regardless of marital status.
The best of both worlds is to get mentored and seek wisdom from a married couple you trust and respect, while seeking professional assistance from a couples therapist. All bases would be covered, and you wouldn’t be cheating yourself from professional support based on a marital status. What do you think?