06/11/2025
''S*X
s*x is one of the most misunderstood parts of human connection.
We talk about it as if it’s simply desire, pleasure, or chemistry.
But underneath all of that, something much bigger is happening.
When you have s*x, your body makes a promise long before your mind catches up.
It tells another nervous system, You matter to me.
Even if you think it’s casual.
Even if you think it’s just physical.
Your body still speaks the language of attachment.
That’s why s*x is rarely as simple as it looks.
It’s not just two people sharing pleasure.
It’s two entire histories touching each other.
Every experience of closeness and abandonment, every old memory of comfort or rejection, every cell that ever learned what safety feels like, all of it shows up in the moment.
Most people have no idea this is happening.
They think they’re just being passionate or playful.
But what’s really being activated is their entire emotional blueprint.
And that blueprint doesn’t always know the difference between love, need, and survival.
So you can be lying next to someone you like, or even love, and suddenly feel fear, or guilt, or sadness, and have no idea why.
You can feel pulled toward someone and terrified of losing them at the same time.
You can crave touch and resist it in the same breath.
That’s the nervous system trying to make sense of a promise your conscious mind never realized you made.
This doesn’t mean s*x is bad or dangerous.
It means s*x is powerful.
It’s the most primal way your body tries to merge safety and pleasure.
And if you’ve ever been hurt, neglected, or unseen, your body remembers that, too.
You might find yourself chasing excitement because excitement feels safer than intimacy.
You might feel numb during closeness because your body doesn’t yet trust it.
You might pull away after s*x, not because you don’t care, but because it feels too real, too vulnerable, too much.
Here’s where most couples quietly get lost.
They confuse closeness with repair.
They use s*x to feel connected again after conflict, thinking the warmth and softness of touch means healing has happened.
But often, what’s actually happening is avoidance.
The body is trying to restore safety before the heart has been understood.
If you skip the understanding, if you don’t sit down and make sense of the pain first, your nervous system stays split.
Part of you feels bonded through touch.
Another part stays terrified, unseen, and waiting for the next rupture.
Sometimes what the relationship needs most isn’t another moment of physical closeness.
Sometimes it’s the quiet courage to sit on opposite ends of the couch, hands to yourself, and look each other in the eyes.
To talk about what’s really happening underneath.
To name the confusion, the fear, the hunger for contact, and the ache of not knowing how to reach each other safely.
That’s the paradox of love.
s*x can feel like the fastest way back to connection, but if it happens before you’ve made emotional sense of what’s going on, it only deepens the confusion.
You wake up both soothed and unsettled.
Bonded and distant.
Calmed and scared.
Because your body got what it needed, but your heart didn’t.
So slow down.
Before you reach for each other, reach for understanding.
Before you touch, listen.
Before you merge, name what’s happening inside.
True intimacy isn’t just about what happens in bed.
It’s about what happens in the moments before and after.
It’s about being able to hold eye contact across the couch without needing to fix the silence.
It’s about learning to feel safe in stillness, not just in closeness.
That’s the real work.
That’s what makes s*x sacred.
Not the act itself, but the awareness that surrounds it.
When you can touch without hiding, and sit without running,
that’s when your body and your heart finally start speaking the same language."
