The After Project

11/14/2025

When I am dying, I don’t want the last sounds I hear to be machines beeping and alarms going off telling me what I already know, which is that my body is shutting down and I am dying.

I don’t want machines keeping me alive.
I don’t want machines feeding me.
I don’t want to feel the suffocation of the blood pressure cuff as it squeezes my arm every hour on the hour.
I don’t want IV’s stuck in my arms, or tubes down my throat.
I don’t want other people making decisions for me.

I don’t want to be in a room that isn’t mine, with a view of medical charts and notes stating when I had my last bowel movement, when my medications are due, or how many times I have been turned and repositioned, which by the way is obnoxious when you are dying and I definitely do not want that.

I don’t want fluorescent lights on above my head, forcing me to keep my eyes closed so they don’t burn from the glare.

I don’t want people walking into my room as though it is theirs and not mine.

I don’t want strangers telling me what to do or how to feel or treating me like I don’t have feelings.

I don't want people to talk over or about me as if I can't hear. I can hear and I will hear you!

I don’t want my family to wait day after day in a stark hospital room knowing there is nothing else anyone can do but wait.
This is not how I want to die.
This is not how I want the people who love me to see me die.

I have written down everything that is important to me so that none of the above ever occurs.
I have listed where I want to be, who I want there, what music I want to hear, how I want to be cared for, what I want to wear, how I want my symptoms managed, and to what extent I want people to go to keep me alive.

When I am dying, I want my wishes honored, my voice heard, and my death peaceful.
I want this for you too!

Please write down your wishes and share them with the people you love.
Have the conversation.
Talk to your family and friends.
I promise you… it won’t happen sooner because you talked about it.

xo
Gabby

My book “The Conversation” is a great way to get the conversation started.
https://a.co/d/5kDTiSn

My class “Your End-of-Life Wishes”
can be found here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/your-end-of-life-wishes

You can find this blog here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/when-i-am-dying

11/07/2025

“Death isn’t a service to be bought, it’s an experience to be tended to.”

“I wish I would have known.”

We hear it all the time…

I wish I would have known I could bring them home.

Iwish I would have known they still belonged to me.

Not to the hospital. Not to the funeral home.

But most people don’t know and that’s why we’re here.

Death doulas know and we want everyone to know.

10/08/2025

Washing and dressing the body is an act of intimacy and sign of respect.

Here is a helpful guide on after death body care you can do on your own or with your team.

topics article on Care of the Body After Death.

10/03/2025

The more you know.

08/19/2025

07/25/2025

https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/death-deserves-our-presence-not-our-fear?fbclid=IwQ0xDSwLwSuRleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHrpoEqut8C19kFN6mKf8WdGHWwtUTwjX5v22OwWrjnAzHRO-0M0TRHOdLEep_aem_4sSLGFZJ6wm5JbN-P-I2_w

Someone asked me if I still feel anything when someone dies, or if I have become numb to death after all the years I’ve spent in end-of-life care, and all the goodbyes and deaths I have witnessed. The question caught me off guard, not because it was offensive, but because it reminded me of how mis...