The After Project

11/14/2025

When I am dying, I don’t want the last sounds I hear to be machines beeping and alarms going off telling me what I already know, which is that my body is shutting down and I am dying.

I don’t want machines keeping me alive.
I don’t want machines feeding me.
I don’t want to feel the suffocation of the blood pressure cuff as it squeezes my arm every hour on the hour.
I don’t want IV’s stuck in my arms, or tubes down my throat.
I don’t want other people making decisions for me.

I don’t want to be in a room that isn’t mine, with a view of medical charts and notes stating when I had my last bowel movement, when my medications are due, or how many times I have been turned and repositioned, which by the way is obnoxious when you are dying and I definitely do not want that.

I don’t want fluorescent lights on above my head, forcing me to keep my eyes closed so they don’t burn from the glare.

I don’t want people walking into my room as though it is theirs and not mine.

I don’t want strangers telling me what to do or how to feel or treating me like I don’t have feelings.

I don't want people to talk over or about me as if I can't hear. I can hear and I will hear you!

I don’t want my family to wait day after day in a stark hospital room knowing there is nothing else anyone can do but wait.
This is not how I want to die.
This is not how I want the people who love me to see me die.

I have written down everything that is important to me so that none of the above ever occurs.
I have listed where I want to be, who I want there, what music I want to hear, how I want to be cared for, what I want to wear, how I want my symptoms managed, and to what extent I want people to go to keep me alive.

When I am dying, I want my wishes honored, my voice heard, and my death peaceful.
I want this for you too!

Please write down your wishes and share them with the people you love.
Have the conversation.
Talk to your family and friends.
I promise you… it won’t happen sooner because you talked about it.

xo
Gabby

My book “The Conversation” is a great way to get the conversation started.
https://a.co/d/5kDTiSn

My class “Your End-of-Life Wishes”
can be found here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/your-end-of-life-wishes

You can find this blog here:
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/when-i-am-dying

11/07/2025

“Death isn’t a service to be bought, it’s an experience to be tended to.”

“I wish I would have known.”

We hear it all the time…

I wish I would have known I could bring them home.

Iwish I would have known they still belonged to me.

Not to the hospital. Not to the funeral home.

But most people don’t know and that’s why we’re here.

Death doulas know and we want everyone to know.

10/08/2025

Washing and dressing the body is an act of intimacy and sign of respect.

Here is a helpful guide on after death body care you can do on your own or with your team.

topics article on Care of the Body After Death.

10/03/2025

The more you know.

08/19/2025

07/25/2025

https://www.thehospiceheart.net/post/death-deserves-our-presence-not-our-fear?fbclid=IwQ0xDSwLwSuRleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHrpoEqut8C19kFN6mKf8WdGHWwtUTwjX5v22OwWrjnAzHRO-0M0TRHOdLEep_aem_4sSLGFZJ6wm5JbN-P-I2_w

Someone asked me if I still feel anything when someone dies, or if I have become numb to death after all the years I’ve spent in end-of-life care, and all the goodbyes and deaths I have witnessed. The question caught me off guard, not because it was offensive, but because it reminded me of how mis...

07/15/2025

The beauty in death.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DMGVKVoSKWF/?img_index=2&igsh=Nmo0dmpveXVqbmZj

07/12/2025

“Make sure your soul gains more than your hands.” Felt this one.

07/03/2025

☎️

06/23/2025

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/health-canada-psilocybin-1.7566289

The Federal Court of Appeal is ordering Canada's Health Minister to rethink a 2022 refusal to grant exemptions to 96 health-care professionals from using dried hallucinogenic mushrooms as part of experiential training that will allow them to administer the drugs to patients.

06/19/2025

Dying a gradual death, as opposed to dying suddenly, has certain patterns that tend to accompany it. There are similarities that can be found in most people as they approach death from disease or old age.

Our personality and how we have lived our life up to this point are major factors in how we will live between diagnosis and death. Just because we are approaching death doesn’t mean our tools for approaching life are any different than they have always been.

We will meet the challenge of dying in the same manner we have met our other challenges in life. After all, dying is just one more challenge — a big one, maybe the biggest of our whole life — but still just another life experience.

If we are a controlling person, we will seek to have maximum control over this experience, too. We will probably tell the physicians what we will and won’t do. We will probably do volumes of online research (By the way, we all should do information gathering about our illness and treatment options.)

If we run away from our challenges, we will probably be in denial. The doctors are wrong or we will “beat this thing” no matter the evidence to the contrary.

If we are an introvert we may feel compelled to not tell others what we are thinking or feeling. Introverts need to be careful, as that is a lonely path.

If we are organized we will make sure our affairs are in order. We will have our living wills, advanced directives, and DNRs in place. We will make sure our important goodbyes are said.

You see where I am going with this. Look at how a person is living their life, and you will understand how they will live as their death approaches.

We don’t change our patterns because we are dying. HOWEVER being told death will come is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to address life differently.

06/12/2025

Death can bring loved ones together, but it can also put strain on family relationships. A death doula can be helpful for navigating the sometimes challenging conversations and dynamics that emerge at end-of-life.

We developed our guide, "End of Life Conversations: Navigating Challenges and Family Roles," in collaboration with the End of Life Doula Association of Canada (EOLDAC), to share insights into common struggles families face surrounding end-of-life conversations.

Download here. https://ow.ly/HPXP50VahqQ