10/28/2025
This was the first painting I ever did — and one of the few I ever finished.
As proud as I was of it, this painting also became one of my biggest blocks. Without realizing it, I turned it into a standard — proof of what I should be capable of. I had set the bar so high for myself that I forgot how to play, to explore, to make mistakes. I became so afraid of getting it wrong, of not being good enough, that I stopped altogether.
Fast forward about 20 years to the night of our house fire. This painting had been hanging outside my son’s bedroom, where the fire first started. The insurance company told me it was unsalvageable — too smoke damaged for them restore and not worth enough for a professional to take on. I was crushed.
Suddenly the weight of all the years I’d kept myself small came crashing in. I was about to lose the only piece I had ever truly loved (and finished). Without this painting, I’d have no trace of my own artwork, no sign that I had ever completed a thing. The truth of how much time I’d wasted trying to be perfect hit hard.
I reached out to my old art teacher, who connected me with someone who knew a bit about restoration. He suggested trying rectified turpentine to remove the damaged protective layer — the coating that had most likely melted and caused the soot to adhere to the canvas. With nothing to lose, I gave it a shot — and miraculously, it worked.
It’s not perfect. It bears the scars of that day. But now, when I look at my painting, it tells a different story — not one of perfection, but one of perspective.
It reminds me that life is fragile and fleeting. That it can all change in a blink. And that creativity — like life — was never meant to be perfect. It’s meant to be lived, explored, and expressed. So no more hiding, no more playing small. Show up, take risks and embrace the journey! ❤️
Interesting fact: the bear in this painting was my mothers old teddy “Benjamin” seated on top of my great grandmothers old paintbox. And most of the brushes used to create this painting came from that very box.
