Orion Journeys

04/07/2023

Think about the last time you felt disappointed. I bet there was a discrepancy between what you were expecting/hoping to experience and what reality actually gave you.

Expectations cause a lot of suffering for us by way of disappointment. Imagine how things might be different if we never had any expectations?

Pre-empting the “How dare you say I shouldn’t have expectations! Are you saying people can treat me however they want?” comments…NO…I am not saying we should eliminate our expectations and this post has NOTHING to do with boundaries.

Our expectations have several uses:

- They inform our preferences (“I liked the meal but I would expect more for £80” or “I expect my partner to be honest with me”).

- They create our own subjective form of reality (“I expect to wake up in the morning” or “I expect to hear from my daughter every Sunday”) based upon our experiences.

- They free up mental space by creating cognitive shortcuts (eg., I expect to feel better after my workout so I’m not going to overthink it I’m just going to do it).

But some expectations contribute to our suffering, and these are the ones we may need to consider restructuring.

For example, if I always provide emotional support to a friend and I expect that if I ever need this kind of support she will return the favour, I am likely to be disappointed if this does not occur.

Although this friend never overtly promised to help me in this way, I would have decided there is an implicit social or moral contract which she ‘should’ abide by.

But guess what? We are all different. We all have different gifts, beliefs, intentions, plans, cares, and ideas. And although we KNOW this, we often forget this when we expect other people to act in the same way we would.

If we are able to be mindful of our expectations, it is possible to shift some of these narratives in a way that adds levity to potentially disappointing or frustrating dynamics.

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04/02/2023

Some of us older gen kids were not raised with a lot of awareness about our emotional needs.

We were raised by highly traumatized people who were also raised by parents who were highly traumatized.

Parents emerging from WWII and other horrendous circumstances simply didn’t have enough physical safety to be able to consider what emotional safety might be.

That’s how trauma is passed along through generations.

The pendulum has since swung, which is what always happens, from a “no one ever cared about my emotional needs” to a “everyone must care about my emotional needs” vibe.

Also highly toxic, just a different brand.

Whilst this pendulum swing makes sense (“I didn’t like this so I might like that”), functionality and wellness rest in the middle. We as a collective aren’t there yet.

Many people are currently in a phase of believing that if they are hurt or “triggered”, this responsibility lies within everyone else.

Everyone else must tiptoe around me. Everyone else must act a certain way in order for me to feel safe.

Highly ineffective and highly disempowering.

Slavery might be a loaded word but by definition simply means, “the condition in which one human being is owned by another.”

If you have the ability to effect change on my mental and emotional state, you own me. You can do anything to me.

I have made it my life’s work to ensure that this cannot happen to me and I aspire to help others learn to experience the same sense of liberation.

My triggers are mine. My buttons you can proverbially push are mine. My trauma is mine. My pain is mine.

Yes, other people can do things that might be decidedly unkind, malicious, or ignorant, but STILL I am the one responsible for picking up my own pieces because the person who has induced this pain sure as hell ain’t gonna do it.

You may choose slavery or you may choose freedom but you can’t choose both.

Choose wisely.

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04/01/2023

03/22/2023

The things we do are motivated by how we want to feel.

When we are able to maintain alignment and intentionality, our aim is very specific and goal directed.

This helps us become aware of how we want to feel and recognize the necessary steps, habits, and decisions that will help us make our dreams a reality.

Sometimes we lose focus and slip into complacency. We settle for things out of fear and miss what we are intending to create.

When this happens, we feel stuck, unfulfilled, bored, fatigued, blocked, stressed, anxious, or depressed.

If you are noticing a pattern of feeling ‘meh’ lately, it is important to do a life audit.

Health & Fitness: Your state of well-being will impact all other aspects of your life. What are your current health & fitness goals?

Personal Growth: Anything that is not growing is dying. What are you currently doing to expand your knowledge, awareness, or skillset?

Home Life: We spend a lot of time at home. What is it that you want to feel in your home environment? What is going well? What improvements are needed?

Work Life: How are you feeling in your career? What are you hoping to achieve? Is anything missing?

Family: What is happening in your family? What challenges are you facing? What are you trying to work on?

Friendships: Many friends are our chosen family. How much effort are you putting into these relationships? Is anything getting in the way?

Finances: Money, honey! What are you actively working on (e.g. savings, investments, paying off debt, etc.)?

Hobbies & Leisure: Do you have any recreational fun? Is there anything you want to try, pick-up again, or learn?

Community: How connected are you feeling to the place you live? Is there anything more you would like to experience?

Spirituality: How connected are you to your beliefs, to a higher power, to nature, or to that which gives you meaning and purpose?

Assessing the functionality of these categories can help you identify your values, recalibrate your aim, and align with preferred emotions.

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