10/26/2025
Do you ever wonder, “Why am I like this?”, “Why does it hurt so much?”?
Maybe you shut down with loved ones, work to the point of burnout, or even overreact to something that, in hindsight, wasn’t a big deal.
Maybe it isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” but “What happened to me?”.
The question “What happened to me?” isn’t there to take away your personal responsibility in finding ways to heal your hurts and shift your actions, but to recognize that there is a cause to your effect.
Beating yourself up and living in shame isn’t going to help, but recognition & repair will.
Maybe what happened to you was a significant traumatic event (like a car crash, assault, medical trauma, being cheated on, or witnessing death or serious injury), maybe what happened to you were a series of events that added up (such as chronic emotional neglect, constant invalidation from your boss, microaggressions, or bullying).
Maybe it was both. Either way, you were impacted.
Dr. Bruce Perry gives us a way of looking at how events shape us in the book “What Happened to You?”:
💛 It’s what did happen and sometimes, what didn’t happen, to help you feel safe and secure.
💛 It’s how you experienced what happened and what your brain & body did to survive.
💛 And, how do the effects of what happened, show up in your life now.
Event, experience, and effects.
You are not broken, you adapted in different ways so you could survive.
You deserve healing and it IS possible… with support, time & compassion.
