03/22/2026
Last week I had an experience that really got me reflecting.
It was a bit chilly that night, and I wasn’t wearing the coat I had brought. I stood outside with some friends, quietly shivering, trying to ignore it. Another woman who had joined us noticed and made an off-color comment:
“Of course she’s cold… she’s got no meat on her bones.”
I was caught off guard.
Honestly, I was offended but more than that, I didn’t know how to respond.
Do I laugh it off?
Do I say something sharp?
Do I just walk away?
Instead, I said, “It’s called the trauma diet.”
And the truth is… it is.
Over the past two years, I’ve experienced both skinny-shaming and the glamorization of being “thin.” I’ve had women project their own relationships with their bodies onto mine, and I’ve had a doctor compliment how “good” I looked until he understood the cost of how I got there.
What struck me most is how normalized it is to comment on someone’s body when it fits a certain narrative. Because if it had gone the other way if someone had said, “Of course she’s not cold… look at all that meat on her bones” we all know that wouldn’t land as a joke. It would be recognized immediately for what it is.
So why is this any different?
The truth is, you never know what someone’s body has carried, survived, or been shaped by. Not all weight loss is healthy. Not all thinness is freedom. And not all comments are harmless just because they’re said with a laugh.
Be careful what you praise.
Because sometimes the “goal” you’re admiring is someone else’s survival story.
And you don't truly know of what it took to get there.
