12/15/2025
The Gottman “State of the Union” meeting is a structured conversation designed for couples to regularly check in on the health of their relationship. It’s part of the Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, and helps partners maintain emotional connection and address issues before they become major conflicts.
A typical State of the Union meeting includes:
Setting the tone – Choose a calm, distraction-free time when both partners feel emotionally available.
Expressing appreciation – Each partner shares things they’ve appreciated about the other during the week.
Discussing challenges – Talk about any issues or tensions that have come up, using gentle start-up and active listening.
Taking responsibility – Each person acknowledges their part in any conflict.
Problem-solving – Work together to find compromises or solutions.
Affirming connection – End with affection, gratitude, or plans for shared time together.
The goal is to strengthen trust, understanding, and emotional intimacy by making open communication a regular habit rather than waiting for problems to escalate.1.
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