07/20/2023
Happy Birthday in Heaven my sweet little brother Jamie/James LOL! I am pretty much the only one to be allowed to call you Jamie and I wouldn't stop even if you wanted me too. 😉 You would have been 53 now...wow How time flies by. Imagining how you would have lived your life and the many different paths you could have taken. If you were still here I can see you still painting since you loved that job and the dream of having your own company too. Always a hustler just in the wrong crowd;) LOL! Your love of music, instruments and video games. Well you would have so much fun with your nephews & Nieces and now the great ones too. Weekends of binging on long nights of video games for sure and family game night would be a battle and lots of laughs for sure.
I think the biggest thing I truly miss and was so looking forward to was being an Aunt to your kids that I never got the chance to experience and so wish I could have had that chance. However, it would have been a wee bit tough to accept your choices for a partner since I was a very picky big sister for you LOL!
Miss you on earth Your Big Sister always and forever, Until I see you again, I love you, Jamie;) xoxox
WARNING! Ruffle Feathers! Your welcome to Unfollow - UnF*ckyourself LOL I say with Love! Raw & Vulnerable with my truth. Long post 💜✨💫❤️
A year has elapsed, and during this time, I have taken the opportunity to reflect, heal, introspect, and carefully consider the path I wish to pursue next. I have contemplated how I want to present myself to the world, how I can make a positive impact, and leave a lasting influence on the lives of others.
To provide some context, many of you who follow me and have seen my posts know that for at least a decade, I served as a devoted caregiver to both my mom and grandma. Even before that, I was raising my children as a single parent, taking on the responsibilities fully. I accept my past without regret, as I also opened my heart and home to my adopted children, cherishing the time I spent with them and the love they brought into my life.
The loss of my mom and grandma brought a profound need for healing. Through this experience, I learned to appreciate the memories we created together, both before and after their passing. I was well aware that these events would significantly alter my life, considering that my identity and world revolved around them and our family unit. While there may be some things I wish I had done differently in hindsight, I recognize that altering any one of those decisions would have had a ripple effect on the outcome. Regardless, I am content with who I am today and the positive impact these experiences had on my children, shaping them into the individuals they have become.
During this time, I must admit that I wasn't able to be a good friend to many. The emotional and physical toll of caregiving left me with limited strength and energy to extend to others, despite my thoughts of reaching out and sending positive vibes. My focus was on keeping myself together for my family. Looking back, it all seems like a blur, especially when Facebook memories remind me of the countless hours I spent at the hospital caring for my loved ones.
I am eternally grateful for my children, who provided me with strength and support beyond what I could have asked for. They went above and beyond to help, and I am deeply thankful for their presence during those challenging times. Nevertheless, I recognize that my choices and responsibilities may have caused strains in some relationships and led to judgment from others. To those who may not have understood my situation entirely, I can only say that walking in someone else's shoes brings true understanding.
It is my hope that my life experiences can serve as lessons for others, allowing them to make better choices and approach similar circumstances with newfound wisdom. Despite the hardships I faced, I am honored to have been there for my mom during her final moments and to have shared invaluable moments with my grandma. The laughter, the lessons, the healing, and the wisdom she shared were truly priceless.
I am sharing these thoughts now because, during that difficult period, I felt lost and vulnerable, seeking a safe place where I could feel loved, accepted, trusted, and respected. I thought I had found such a community of like-minded individuals with shared values and vision. However, the experience ended up being a disappointment, leaving me questioning everything, even my own desires and passions.
In my belief system, especially as a spiritual person, I adhere to the principle of doing no harm. I hold myself to a higher standard and believe in being accountable for my actions. While no one is perfect, I strive to learn from my mistakes and improve as I gain more knowledge.
I had hoped to find a sacred sisterhood, a safe haven, a lighthouse to guide me during these tumultuous times. Unfortunately, I faced disappointment, and my trust was shattered when my expectations were not met. It led me to reevaluate my own course and the things I hold dear and enjoy. Nonetheless, I remain optimistic that this experience will lead me to a more authentic and fulfilling path in the end.
Why was this feeling so intense? It stemmed from the fact that I courageously shared my inner truth, allowing all aspects of myself to be vulnerable and exposed. Our collective vision was to create a significant impact by helping and supporting others, establishing a safe and empowering space for healing and growth.
I firmly believe that in order to achieve that goal for others, it is essential to first embody those principles within our own group. Leading by example and practicing what we preach is vital, a lesson I've learned from both positive and negative experiences in business. Leaders play a crucial role; their actions can either stifle or foster growth. To manifest what we want to create, we must authentically be what we envision.
There are times when individuals unite with shared alignment, and one person paints a compelling vision that the group collaboratively enhances, surpassing expectations. However, there are instances when the methods employed to realize that dream are incompatible with our core beliefs. In such cases, it is crucial not to compromise our true selves to fit in. Differences in beliefs are natural, without any absolute right or wrong.
Reflecting on my journey, I am immensely grateful for the many wonderful people I encountered, some of whom I now consider dear friends, enriching my life in countless ways. The experiences offered me magical moments that could not have been found elsewhere. I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing, which proved invaluable in the limited time I had.
The business realm also imparted valuable lessons, showing me both the right and wrong ways to conduct business. I learned the importance of trusting my intuition without hesitation. When someone reveals their true nature, even if they try to appear otherwise, it's crucial to believe them, for they know themselves better than we ever will.
One vital lesson learned was to always document important matters in writing within the business context, adhering to the principle of success that anything verbally significant should be put in writing. This simple yet vital practice can prevent misunderstandings and ensure clarity.
Moreover, I realized that anything I am not willing to lose should not be placed in a vulnerable position. Ethical success must not be built upon stepping on others to climb up the ladder.
Overall, this journey has been a transformative experience, teaching me profound lessons about authenticity, leadership, belief systems, and gratitude for the people and moments that enriched my life.
Another valuable lesson I've learned in business is to thoroughly investigate and understand the people and organizations you're dealing with before investing your time and money. Assess not only the financial costs but also the emotional and spiritual toll it may take, as your reputation and character become intertwined with theirs through association.
Always conduct due diligence and maintain proper documentation when investing in any business or venture. Many people overlook this crucial principle, trusting solely based on relationships, and end up facing unforeseen challenges that lead to the loss of their investments.
Throughout my experiences, I've come to recognize certain warning signs. If people don't stay committed, there's likely a reason behind it. When they repeatedly encounter the same issues with multiple individuals, they may be the common denominator and refuse to learn from their mistakes. True leaders take ownership and make necessary changes.
Looking back a year ago, I felt utterly betrayed, devastated, and heartbroken as everything I had invested in, dreamed of, and worked so hard for was destroyed and lost. However, with time, I've grown and can now be proud of the person I've become. Despite the challenges, I never gave up and believed that I was redirected for my highest good.
Staying true to my core values and beliefs, I refused to compromise my integrity to fit in with others. I realized that betraying my soul for belonging's sake meant losing myself, and that was a price I wasn't willing to pay for anyone. I learned that I can achieve my goals without relying on anyone, but I am immensely grateful for those who stood by me, supported me, and paid a price for doing so. Their love and encouragement mean the world to me.
As the Phoenix Warrior – I rose above the ashes of destruction to be reborn and create anew. This year, I didn't need any signs because the lessons from the past guided me with clarity and strength.
Every day, I embark on a journey of self-discovery, constantly learning and unraveling new aspects of myself. My relentless pursuit is to become a superior version of who I was yesterday. I firmly believe in the power of personal choice, and I am immensely grateful for all the valuable lessons and experiences life has bestowed upon me. As I ride above the challenges and obstacles, I embrace the path I've chosen, knowing it will lead me to greater heights of self-improvement.
Be true to you!
