01/03/2021
New Year’s Resolutions?
Good, bad?
I’ll go with “neither” and “it depends”... I know that sounds non-committal, but it’s not. Often trouble with the typical notion of a New Year’s resolution is that it is based in all or nothing, black and whites. I will stop/start doing x, y, z. Period. I RESOLVE to be different, better, more financially stable, kinder, healthier, have better friends, find a new relationship.
All of those are generally good goals (though some are intentionally vague). But conceptualization matters. If you want to go deeper, I offer the following questions for consideration of your approach to new goals, and perceptions of outcomes.
- How do I view a resolution - is it an achievement (milestone) or a process (path)?
- What are my notions of success and failure?
- What do I need to feel accomplished in a given goal?
- What makes me feel validated?
- Have I considered what is needed to move towards progress in my goal? Are there steps involved?
- Have I considered my motivations in naming that as a goal? Who is it for, do I really want to, is there a purpose beyond this goal, and if so, what?
Having considered these questions, perhaps also consider whether you need help defining and addressing your goal(s). Particularly, but not exclusively, when goals relate to issues of the self.
In therapy we talk about SMART goals - specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-based. But these are not the only matters in creating inner change. The purpose in the questions I pose goes beyond figuring out “smart” resolutions to ask who is the person making them, how do they operate, what are their drives, values, interests, ways of thinking and feeling.
I love working with people seeking a deeper connection and self-understanding. If you live in Calgary (or anywhere in Alberta), and you want to go beyond the surface to engage differently with your life, I’m here to walk that path with you.