12/04/2025
A COZY NEST OF WARMTH AND REASSURANCE
I woke up this morning with a familiar kind of urgency in my physiology that used to have me up and out of bed almost immediately as I woke up. I recognize it now as an impulse from the past and instead of jumping out of bed I simply rested back and invited the sense of urgency to rest back with me. I know that sounds as if there are two of me and in a sense there is. There is the past that continues to arise as if there is a threat in the immediacy of the moment and there is also a capacity to be aware when there really is no threat.
I stayed in bed, safe and warm, tending to the urgency until it settled and then I got up. It’s a little like having a scared child climb into your bed and snuggling up together in a cozy nest of warmth and reassurance. So many of us never received that kind of gentle secure holding in childhood. It’s not too late.
It’s so much nicer to start my day from a place of warm reassurance than from a place of heightened urgency. I read these words this morning from a teacher that I really appreciate:
"Why does the past
Keep knocking on your door?
Because it wants to be welcomed home
Why do the old wounds still hurt?
Because all things that are unloved
Feel the pain of exclusion.”
~ Kavi Jezzi Hockaday
from Substack Article - Humility on the Path
This is not an easy path. I have been really feeling stuck in a trauma pattern of rejection/abandonment in relationship with some family members and it was just in the last few weeks that I saw that it was me abandoning a part of myself. It was me abandoning the part that feels unloved and excluded. I didn’t have the capacity to meet this core traumatized pattern/part until now and I know that now is the perfect time. I’m here for her. My nervous system has the capacity for her now. The precious little one who felt unloved, excluded, abandoned, rejected, shamed and alone.
I feel her resting into my warm willingness to soften and make space for her,
