03/16/2026
Longer Term Grief
Every relationship we have is unique, and the way we process the death of a loved one is a very individual experience. We can all imagine that grieving the death of a distant cousin is very different from grieving the death of a child. The relationship, the way the person died, and the way we process emotions will have an impact on the length of time it takes to heal following a loss.
No one, including the griever, can put a timeline on the duration of grief. If someone is becoming impatient about how long it is taking to move forward following a loss, seeking education about the grieving process can provide some comfort. It’s important to take the time to grieve and to not compare oneself to others.
We in the grieving profession identify ‘healthy and unhealthy grief.’ With healthy grief, the individual will experience a wide range of emotions and feelings over time, but there will be steady and continual movement towards an understanding of a new reality and life without the deceased.
With unhealthy grief, there is an inability to accept a new reality and the griever is fixated on the past. In some instances, this is all they think about, there is a preoccupation with honouring the relationship that was shared with the deceased. This can hinder current relations and can affect interactions at the workplace. Friendships can wane and sometimes those who grieve are unable to continue working. The griever becomes immobilized and isn’t able to see the possibility of a new life and reality.
With healthy grieving, the griever initially spends significant time processing their thoughts about the departed. Over time, their understanding of their loss begins to make sense and the proportion of time spent on this relationship lessens, and there is a shift to new routines and a new life.
For anyone who grieves, it is important to lean into emotions as they surface and to not judge oneself too harshly if there are periods of sadness or if difficulties are experienced. It does take time to adjust and processing emotions is part of the journey. Eventually, there will come a day when one’s grief seems less painful and the memories of a loved one bring a smile and not only tears. The grief we experience never ends, but should soften over time.
In the event someone is unable to cope with their loss and is experiencing ‘unhealthy grieving’ it is recommended to seek professional help.
Margaret Lorrie Beaton, MA, C. Hyp
Bereavement Counsellor
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