04/10/2026
On Elderhood
Tonight in a session with my Whole Horse Collective group the concept of elderhood came up. It felt important to chat about here. We live in a culture, for horses and for humans (especially women), where aging is not seen as a gift, but rather a burden to bear. Where our worth and value to our community diminishes as we age and as we can no longer “perform” as we once did. In seeing through this, frankly, patriarchal capitalistic lens on value, we forget something critical.
Wisdom comes from experience. Wisdom comes from age. And elders are the very backbone of our communities. Watch any herd with an elder horse, one who has been there and done that, who has lived with many horses and watched years come and go. They are an anchor, a teacher, a balancing fulcrum point in a herd. They bring something deeply valuable - harmony, confidence, experience. They support younger horses to find their feet, to understand how to live well and in health. When they go, the space they leave is palpable, like a gash in the matrix - in the herd their value, their worth is never questioned. Only by us. Only by us.
Because many of us were taught that aging is bad, that we should try to slow it down at all costs, but those costs are indeed very high. In our fear of aging, our resistance to natural processes occurring, we forget to embrace what it truly means to age, the goodness and importance of it, and in doing so we may easily become old without becoming wise. We fear becoming a burden and end up never learning to be cared for by our community, one of the greatest teachings of all, the ability and humility to lean on others. I watch my mare Diva, now 27, and she ages like fine wine, becoming more beautiful, more whole, more clear and communicative with each passing year and I feel honoured to walk with her on her journey. She shares her needs with such clarity and I love being able to meet them well, as an embodiment of my love for her.
This year, I stopped cutting and dying my hair and finally welcomed the grey. I embraced my wrinkles. A sore joint here, an early bed time there, more refinement and clarity in my work. Wisdom building in my body, my mind, my spirit. What a gift to gather understanding, to continue to unravel this great mystery of life, not fighting the process but trusting, allowing and being in awe of this journey.
I see now that the truth is that elders are the most needed members of our horse and human communities and that supporting and caring for them (and ourselves) is some of the most important work we can do.
So love on your elders. Horse and human. Shower them with care. See their value and share it with them. Honour their process and listen to their needs. Ease their way. And learn every little bit you can from them, for they contain the wisdom of a lifetime and they won’t be here forever.
xo Alexa