09/29/2025
Someone recently asked me what population I loved to work with…I said enthusiastically “Resentful _____” (I did say women, but I love working with parents, caregivers, teachers…generally anyone who is undervalued, overstretched and never encouraged to set boundaries, put themselves first, invest in themselves.)
Many of these people come to me and share their feelings around resentment and they seem sheepish or upset that this emotion is in their life.
But me? I simply get revved up and excited. Why? Resentment is such a fierce BFF warrior emotion; while other emotions are still your ride-and-die friends, but most of them show up softly. Resentment is that BFF that will show up for you and try to defend you, no matter what.
But we were never taught to listen and learn from resentment. We were taught to ignore it because if we feel it, only bad things will happen or it speaks negatively about me. Essentially, we are taught resentment, like all “negative” emotions, is noise we tune out.
In Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown explains that resentment falls more towards envy than anger. It comes from the inability to ask for what you need and acknowledge your own limits. It comes from lack of doing something that will get you want you want/need in life. It comes from a lack of boundaries of seeing someone doing something for themselves but that you aren’t willing to do/fight for yourself.
Essentially, resentment is sending signals of important data: where am I self-abandoning and what is one small thing that I can do for myself?