https://www.newspringcounsellingandwellness.ca/

New Spring Counselling, Fernie, BC (2025)

11/16/2025

You deserve a partner who doesn’t edit the truth to keep the peace.

Sometimes people don’t lie because the truth is unsafe
they lie because conflict feels uncomfortable and they want to be seen in the best possible light.

This kind of “protective” lying often comes from:
• conflict avoidance
• fear of disappointing their partner
• wanting to maintain a positive image
• not knowing how to repair after tension

But when someone edits the truth to manage how they’re perceived, it creates:
• emotional distance
• confusion and mistrust
• anxiety and second-guessing
• resentment over time

In healthy relationships:

✅ Difficult conversations are a must
✅ Discomfort is tolerated
✅ Repair is possible
✅ Honesty is safer than smoothing things over

When a partner only shares a curated version of themselves, the relationship becomes built on performance — not intimacy.

Real connection requires:
🟣 accountability
🟣 honest communication
🟣 compassion for imperfection
🟣 the ability to navigate conflict together

Remember: peace created by avoiding truth isn’t peace — it’s fragility.

Healthy love can handle honesty, repair through conflict, and grow through transparency.

11/13/2025

If you’re feeling lost, out of touch with yourself and others, and in a fog for much of the time, therapy might help. If you often feel as if you’re doing nothing more than going through the motions, you may agonize over feeling insecure and adequate, unloveable and alone, and look for ways to ignore deny cover-up or numb the ache of feeling empty with alcohol, food, overworking, p**n, drugs, or a combination of the above,then it may be time to take a look.

Certainly, you are not alone with these kind of feelings most of a struggle with periodic reoccurring emotional pain for significant portions of our lives. This happens because we don’t know another better way or because we’re unwilling to try.

Unfortunately, the pain often has to become intolerable, or a crisis must force the issue before we take action on our own behalf.

In therapy we learn to value ourselves so that we become our own source of care and a source of love for others.

11/11/2025

Being with a partner who implies rather than says what they mean can be exhausting.😩

You’re left guessing, walking on eggshells and questioning yourself-instead of feeling safe and accepted.

Healthy connection is not about mind-reading or guessing games.

11/09/2025

Over time, when our partners drop little digs, smirks, comments, we start to shrink: editing our words, hiding parts of who we are, and walking on eggshells just to avoid criticism.

A judgemental partner can erode emotional safety and our relationship shifts from connection to self-protection.

Therapy can help you rebuild your voice and set boundaries. Remember, you deserve a relationship that sees you for who you are, not who you should be.

11/08/2025

When you give more than is asked for or explain more than is needed, or stay silent just to keep the peace, you’re not protecting your relationship; you’re protecting your fear of losing it.

A love built on overfunctioning is actually just survival.❤️‍🩹

Real love requires two people showing up not one person doing the work of both 🙏

11/06/2025

This is a powerful and deeply personal question that is right at the heart of healing work ❤️‍🩹

Attachment trauma happens whenever, early in life, the people who were supposed to make you feel safe, seen and loved were unreliable, emotionally unavailable or even rejecting. It may not be about overt abuse, it’s more about emotional inconsistency.

In order to survive childhood and tame your nervous system, you may have learned: perfectionism, earning love by being “good” or helpful.

You may also have learned that if you make a mistake you’ll be shamed, criticized or rejected.

Or additionally, if someone pulls away, I have to work at getting them back.

When attachment trauma is unhealed, we confuse familiar with normal or even good. That means we might be drawn to partners, bosses, friends who recreate similar emotional patterns to the past, even if the pattern is painful.

That might look like:
🔴tolerating a “walking on eggshells” feeling because it feels familiar.
🔴 becoming anxious when someone pulls away
🔴 feeling like you are doing something wrong or you’re at fault when there’s conflict, causing you to shut down
🔴mistaking jealous or insecure behaviour for love
🔴 fearing abandonment but struggle with closeness when someone is genuinely available

Therapy can help by:
🙏 learning to soothe your nervous system and be less hypervigilant in relationships that are safe and consistent.
🙏 understanding your reactions were protective and can be changed. Your responses are not flaws.
🙏rewrite your story. Love and being in relationships doesn’t mean you abandon yourself or live in constant anxiety or uncertainty.

11/06/2025

If we learned that love was conditional on living a certain way or following a path that was approved of by mom and dad, we learn that love is conditional and can be withdrawn if we felt perform or please.

That pattern becomes internalized and getting and keeping love is equated with anxiety, inconsistency and also self-blame.

Until we heal, we reenact that attachment trauma with our intimate partner being emotional unpredictable.

Inconsistent behaviour, drug use, financial instability, moodiness are all ways that our partners withdraw or become unavailable. With our own trauma wounds, we don’t ask for more, because we feel or on childhood fear of rejection. And so we say nothing.

🧑‍❤️‍💋‍🧑When our partners return, the temporary relief and closeness make us feel chosen again after being excluded.

💔And it’s that cycle of emotional intensity after abandonment that keeps us in relationships that are not healthy.

Therapy helps us process the shame, loneliness and need for acceptance tied to old family patterns. Through therapy, we learn how to have supportive relationships that feel safe for our nervous systems.

11/06/2025

Let’s rewrite what strength looks like. Allowing yourself to feel and talk about stuff is not only healthy, it could be your way to feeling stronger mentally.

In therapy, we’re not here to judge. We’re here to be a safe space for everything that’s on your mind.

One conversation with a therapist can shift the weight you’ve been carrying.

11/05/2025

That statement can sure stop us in our tracks from saying what we need in a relationship.

This is the classic fawn-withdraw/guilt-appease cycle🙃 this is a codependent pattern between two nervous systems that function together in a toxic way.🤔
Here’s how it works:
🛑One person asserts a boundary (even mildly). Let’s say it’s a woman in a hetero relationship.
🛑 He then has what’s called a defensive collapse. This is a shame based protective response in which a person shuts down or withdraws in order to avoid further threat or conflict.
🛑 he is saying, “reassure me”rather than taking responsibility
🛑 For her nervous system that’s highly triggering. It flips her into caretaker mode (fawn) because his distress signals danger to the relationship.
🛑 She then abandons herself and her needs to regulate his shame. Then her body holds both guilt and resentment->nervous system overload
🛑 tension subsides for the moment and both feel superficially reconnected.

💰What’s the cost? The pleaser feels resentment, fatigue, and disconnect from Self.
🤔When does this reset? The pattern repeats each time there’s a boundary request🔃

Remember:
🫶 You don’t need to disappear to stay loved💗safety built on erasing yourself isn’t real safety🙏

11/05/2025

At New Spring Counselling, we know the power of one conversation.
It can mean:
👉you are not bearing the burden of your problems alone
👉you are given tools to cope with your issues so you don’t feel so helpless
👉you have someone in your corner
👉 finding hope again

We’ve seen it countless times at New Spring, one conversation can make you feel lighter, clearer and more in control. Therapy isn’t about fixing you, it’s about rediscovering your strength and purpose.

11/04/2025

The panic of disappointing someone can sometimes lead us to abandon ourselves, just so that we don’t have the potentially of being rejected or abandoned. Learning to sit through someone’s disappointment because we said no, or because we can’t help them is a BIG healing moment. You got this!!👊👊👊

11/01/2025

A single conversation can make the difference between feeling isolated and feeling seen.

Reaching out and realizing you are not alone can save your life😍

And that conversation is not a sign of weakness it’s an act of courage and of hope ❤️🙏

New Spring Counselling

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