Junko Leclair Coaching

06/26/2018

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

copyright © 1999 by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

06/15/2018

I stopped pursuing happiness long time ago, and I am more content than I have ever been. Here is a quote for you if you are looking for happiness...
Enjoy your weekend!!

06/15/2018

On acceptance: Part 2

Hi everyone,
I haven't had a chance to sit and go live on FB lately, so I am going to post a written version here today. I hope it resonates with some of you :)
Much love,
Junko
_______

In the face of our desire to change, we become focused on dodging, avoiding, and eliminating certain situations or characters about ourselves. We try to "fix" what is "wrong" about us. But in reality, psychology, psychotherapy, AA, and any spiritual practices have the acceptance as the first step towards change.

For example, I struggled with my own anger towards myself and others many years ago. It still comes up from time to time, and I do not deny the urge to resort to anger. However, in the desperate desire to change my emotions from anger to peace, all I was doing was to somehow push down anger, deny the past, or positively repeating some mantras that I was not ready for or that did not address the true underlying issue. It is only when I realized the only way was through, that I could get through it and become calmer and cognizant of my own state in the midst of the storm of anger.

Whatever you decide to change about yourself, the first step is to accept "what is" until you feel at ease with it. Even if that is painful to do so, accept what is and what has been so far up to this point. Trying to eradicate or circumvent certain situations or emotions will only bring it back again in the future. And the next time you encounter what you wished to eradicate, it will be charged with self-doubt, self-loathing, regret, and unease that stemmed from your realization of your past inability to change. Your issue at hand will become more complex and tangled. And I am sure that many of you already are at that point. I was.

This brings you to fully realize the hopelessness and helplessness in the power of what is and what was. And this is the first stage of acceptance.

There is also an element of resistance in eliminating or circumventing. Through trials and errors of eradicating or circumventing difficulties, you end up constantly fighting yourself, fighting the reality, and fighting others. You may try to do a big self-talk about how you are right about what you do or did, what you felt, to validate yourself. But this is so temporary and faint. So you may resort to speaking about this in great length to others in hopes of receiving validation for your decisions. And once you receive validation, you get even more puffed-up, working even harder to defend your actions and decisions by speaking to more people about the same matter. Trying to gain validation about past event (even if that was only 5 minutes ago) through others is like trying to save a piece of bread you dropped in water. You won’t save it. You are only trying to save what isn’t really real anymore.

It may be a lengthy process of acceptance at the start, but once you go through the acceptance, you will gain the courage to change. You will gain the insight on how you can change, where you can change, and you will make a true, realistic, and honest commitment to yourself. So are you ready to accept? Sit with yourself quietly, and inquire as to where you are resisting, what you are resisting, what you are holding onto, what you are trying to protect, and what the true nature/reason of your desire to change. You will start to unveil, like peeling one layer of onion at a time.

06/07/2018

Reminder for this week:
Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? - Cheri Huber

05/26/2018

Maybe you need a reminder today....

05/18/2018

"At some point most of us learned that we must not be authentic, must not be connected to our gut feelings, must not trust our hearts, because that threatens our attachment relationship. We suppress our authenticity because we want to avoid the pain of not being loved." —Gabor Maté
Be authentic today! 😘

05/17/2018

How does "total acceptance" make you feel?

04/27/2018

Where do your goals come from?

04/24/2018

If you are on the path of career change or meandering towards something new, here is a quote from Martha Graham that may strike a note. Happy Monday everyone!

04/19/2018

On Judgment

I have two very special people in my life. These two special persons very seldom judge me. Maybe they do, but they are accepting of my decisions. They accept me truly for who I am. And I am absolutely blessed to be able to say that they are in my life. And the feeling of being accepted, being one with them is absolutely breath-taking.

Judgment is very difficult to handle, even though it is often needed. Judgment can be so detrimental to our relationships, and it can even tear families apart. I could even say confidently, from my own experience, that judgment is rampant in family units. In fact, my two special persons: neither of them are related to me by blood.

Psychologically, judgment may be based on three major areas: morality, sociability, and competence. And above all, morality dominates the judgment arena, with sociality and competence less so. Living under a set of rules and boundaries gives us a sense of safety, comfort, and predictability of the future. And judgment is a method of gauging whether the elements of our lives sit within these parameters. And we, for the most part, only introduce change that we choose, based on these parameters. Even when boundaries, rules, and moral judgments are logically proven to be farce or redundant, we continue to stay with the same judgments because they bring us to the emotional state we crave: the security and comfort, even the sense of belonging.

Judgment is also an act of measuring someone with the invisible ruler according to our own metrics. Exactly when would you call a glass full? Our metrics vary from one person to another. When we judge, we also assume and expect that the measurement we took of other people’s characteristics or qualities are fixed, for the "extended now", for the future, and even for the past. But we don’t know what their history is. We don’t know what their internal dialogues are. We cannot possibly be arrogant enough to tell the future.

As a parent, I have ample opportunities to have my judgment tested, questioned, and challenged, every single day. I often give my children a reason for my refusal or rejection to their proposal, and they challenge me. I often make a very quick judgment or get a read on what they are experiencing, only to be proven wrong. I often encounter people who are, under the most comfortable and controlled situations, I may not even connect with, and I am brought to connect with them. In such situations, the easiest and quickest thing to gain some return is through strong judgment. I retain my line of defence, I remain within my bounds, I make others follow my rules, and all is good, I am comfortable. However, the bigger and more long-lasting reward comes later, and it can only be achieved by getting past my judgment. By pulling back my brain’s urge to quickly judge, and by embracing and accepting the other person as she comes, I come to experience more spaciousness within myself to accept more and expand more. I experience the level of love that is above and beyond the words can describe, and I experience the vitality to push myself forward, rather than to withdraw. Judgment, after all, is an act of withdrawal, refusal, rejection, and control, while acceptance is an act of love, trust, expansion and exploration.

Of course there are situations in which we need to say no, for valid purposes. But finding acceptance within us can open doors to new experiences and new you that you may not have yet experienced.

And if you find yourself constantly judging others, remember that you have just as much judging and degrading thoughts about yourself. If I say to you right now, that you are exactly who you are, right now, and you are to fully accept and love who you are, exactly as you come today, how much resistance do you feel within you? How many list of things would you come up with in your head as “to-do” or “to-improve”? If you do, your judgment is preventing you from accepting.

Can you get to the place of acceptance? Because this judgment inside, is a total self-worth AND self-confidence killer.

04/19/2018

A message about being authentic...

Found on Google from me.me

04/10/2018

Self-worth vs. Self-esteem

03/12/2018

From a little while back, and I am sure many of you know this, but this is why we need to become the change we want to see in the world. Too big of a leap? I don't think so.

A new study maps what happens in our bodies and brains when we witness acts of kindness and compassion.

03/09/2018

Bit of a long read, but I really wanted to share this with you today.

Today, I was at my children’s school science fair. I volunteered as a judge (which I do most years), who goes around and judges about 15 projects. You may say that 15 isn’t very big number, but it is, when you actually get to spend at least 5-min with each student and spend another few minutes asking questions about the projects, how they felt about the projects.

In the process of judging, we are meant to see shortcomings and lacks to determine the best score. The judging sheets are made to guide you in that process, so that you come up with your personal scores for the children’s projects. And with my science background, it is really easy for me to see what is missing in order for their projects to be called sound scientific studies: it almost comes naturally to me. But what I found was surprising.

Even though my brain was accurately registering the lacks and shortcomings of their projects, I was there, present, taking in the students’ projects through a very different funnel. Even with the students who have done very simple projects, far from science, I saw potentials. I felt potentials instead of limitations. And I saw potentials because I was there to feel their projects: excitement, devotion, embarrassment, nervousness, and everything that they were feeling was there in their presentations for me to feel as well.

And that is the inner intelligence. Even when the backboard is filled with odd-shaped and ill-cut paper bits and grammar mistakes, even when our life is filled with debts, broken relationships, and failed efforts, the pure intention and simply asking questions and going on a quest to find answers in our own way is where we find our inner intelligence, happiness, fulfillment, and the pathway to reach out to our potentials.

Who could say that a boy that simply measured the bounce of a basketball 3 times is not going to amount to anything much - where that pure passion for basketball could take him to so many different places in the future. If you feel that such vision is far-fetched, you may have stopped dreaming altogether, or have set a limitation on your life and your dreams.

As adults, we struggle so much just to feel our emotions, feel our body, and let our inner intelligence drive us. Our inner intelligence is hidden in the fog of our mind’s thoughts. If you feel lost in your thoughts, spend some time with kids and really observe them and be present. They naturally know how to live through their inner intelligence, which is only in the now.

And unfortunately, we teach them to pay less attention to their inner intelligence and more attention to the fog. But it is not the school’s fault. It is not the fault of the judging sheet at our science fair. It is us. It all comes back to our inability to see past the fog. And once we see past the fog, we can help them understand how we can walk the wire between our inner intelligence and our minds' strengths.

03/09/2018

Happy International Women's Day! I wanted to share my favourite inspiring woman's quote to contribute to this day and to people today...

03/08/2018

Thoughts of the day, on International Women's Day... “Achieving gender equality means that everyone has the opportunity to reach their full potential”

03/08/2018

So my question is, how does excitement feel in your body? Mind lies to you, so telling people you are excited is not enough, but the body can honestly give you a response. For me, my heart pumps faster, I get giddy, and I feel my face light up like the world just got much bigger!

03/02/2018

This week's video: On Readiness