07/28/2023
It’s been a long time since I posted on this page. That stretch of time feels like a wall of resistance.
“It’s been too long”, “it feels weird now”, “I should just not do it”.
This resistance is familiar. It shows up sometimes when I’ve forgotten to email someone back, or I haven’t spoken to a friend in a while, or I stopped going for walks on my favourite path or I have something to do for an important project, or I have a closet that or corener of my house that needs cleaning.
When I feel that resistance my instinct is to turn away. To give up. Or to push it off for another day.
And sometimes that turns out to be the right thing for me. The resistance can sometimes be my intuition saying “not yet”.
But sometimes, like right now, I know I have to push through the resistance, take some deep breaths, feel the discomfort and do the thing.
And when I’m on the other side of doing I usually feel lighter and grateful for my effort.
The biggest example of this is when I was pregnant. My doula told me there would be a point in the birth process where I would want to give up and run away and that it was a good sign that I was really close to my son being born.
Did I ever feel that. I remember this wave of “nope! I changed my mind” and I wanted to run out of the delivery room. But I couldn’t. I had to push through.
Pushing through brought me my son. The most beautiful gift I have ever received.
Afterwards people were asking how I was feeling and I was exhilarated. I had never tried that hard before in my life.
Usually when that feeling of “nope. I changed my mind” popped up I would listen to it.
I later found out the term for that time in the birth process is transition.
Huh.
It was the transition from me as “me” to me as “mom”.
I reflected on all the times when I had felt that feeling and they were potential transition times too.
So now, when I remember, I see those walls of resistance like doors. Doors I have to push open to get to the other side. And I offer myself compassion because it can feel scary to not know what life is like on the other side.
I ask myself “am I feeling this resistance because it’s not the right time, or because it’s a transition and I need to push through?”
This morning I am pushing through and sharing these thoughts with you.
I invite you to reflect on walls of resistance in your life and what they may be asking you to do, or not do.
Much love ❤️