03/20/2025
*Image from the very funny book “Men To Avoid In Art and In Life” by Nicole Tersigni*
Today I was contemplating a well-loved quote (often attributed to the inventor Nikola Tesla): “When you understand that every opinion is a vision full of personal history, you will begin to understand that every judgment is a confession.”
It made me think about all the unsolicited advice and opinions we hear as parents.
"If you keep picking that baby up, you’ll spoil them!"
"Did you know that they won’t start sleeping through the night until they start eating solid food?"
"NEVER use a (Jolly Jumper, Bumbo seat, insert baby product of your choice here)! It permanently messes up their gross motor development!"
It can be frustrating to the max to be bombarded with all kinds of advice and opinions you never asked for. It feel like an invitation to start defending ourselves, arguing, debating, convincing OR judging ourselves as bad parents and not good enough.
But what if we simply saw it as a statement about THEM and not US? What would it be like to think, “Oh, Auntie So’n’so is saying that she had a bad experience with that in the past, and it has nothing to do with my parenting in the present”?
It might impact how those unsolicited opinions land with us. We might experience less shame and anger after we hear them. We might stop taking other peoples’ opinions as our marching orders, or our cue to start a debate or start criticising ourselves. Maybe we simply say the same things to Advice-Givers that we always say: “Thanks for sharing your advice! We are doing what works for us.” But maybe we say it with a bit less frustration and a bit more healthy detachment than before.
How does this shift in mindset change things for you? What are your favorite ways to respond to unsolicited advice and opinions? 💡💡💡
