11/04/2025
Parenting and Perfectionism 🙋🏻♀️
After becoming a parent myself, and seeing parents in my practice (either as clients or as caregivers to my younger clients), it has become apparent to me that there is a theme that contributes to our own demise: Perfectionism.
Perfectionism, although at first seems to be a good quality, can get in the way of feeling good in our parenting. It leads to further anxiety, stress, guilt and shame. The time spent in self judgement after each deviation from our unrealistic expectations takes away from the presence and enthusiasm we could potentially be embodying. It robs us and our kids of what actually counts.
There is nothing better than sharing with your kids examples of: Being okay when things aren’t perfect, being unconditionally loving, being accepting and non-judgmental of self and others, “going with the flow”, seeing the big picture, allowing big emotions to be present, and knowing how and when to apologize.
Perfectionism tends to be counterintuitive to our goals. A plus is that less perfectionism often leads to more regulation for parents (and therefore coregulation for kids). But let’s not get into the whole coregulation shame spiral (we are all dysregulated parents at times, including therapists).
So next time you are tempted to consume some sort of parenting material about why you aren’t gentle enough, whether to sleep train or not, or what you should or shouldn’t be feeding your kids, try to come back to the basics. It is about the patterns and themes over these formative years, not the exceptions. If you make a true mistake, apologize genuinely and accept your own humanity. Parenting is a high endurance sport after all and there are going to be mistakes (lots of them). You are doing great. Just ask your kids.
What has leading with perfectionism cost you? Let’s hear it in the comments! 👇
