06/13/2023
The death of a loved one changes us. As Anne Lamott has written, you eventually learn how to dance again, but you now dance with a limp. Nothing is the same as it was before. We are forever changed.
Grief is a transformative experience that brings us to our knees. Some shut down for a few weeks, some for years or a lifetime. Either way, life demands we continue to live. It is up to us as to whether or not we will keep dancing.
In the early days of grieving, life with the book of our grief feels solitary. There is no room for anything else on our emotional shelves; it takes up all available space. Just breathing and existing during early grief can take up all the space we inhabit, all the energy we can muster.
Grief doesn’t go away. There’s no such thing as closure. Not really. But time does and will, if we will allow, soften our grief around the edges, gently dulling the sharp lines.
We learn to live around our grief. Grief stays on the shelf, remaining as we left it. Memories of love and beauty become the chapters we return to. At times we return to the more painful chapters, and discover continued healing and grace available to us as we go.
We remain mindful that the most loving way to honor our loved one is to honor ourselves and the life we are still living. Nothing brings them more peace.
Life grows around our grief, and we continue to grow around it. We never grow out of it. But we discover that we are capable of experiencing the joy and happiness of this life right alongside our deepest pain. They can and do exist together, as one.
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©NikkiVelasquez2023
(Graphic: Cherie Altea, The Jar of Salt)
