Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW Help for parenting, family life, relationships and individual issues: www.yoursocialworker.com, He/Him All services are provided using ZOOM.

Working from my home in Keswick, Ontario, I provide a range of counseling and conflict resolution (peacemaking) services to support people and their relationships.

We are in the Eastern Caribbean on a small ship cruise line, Silver Seas.We are joined by four other couples, all good f...
01/05/2026

We are in the Eastern Caribbean on a small ship cruise line, Silver Seas.

We are joined by four other couples, all good friends. One friend, Mike, has been the organizer for which we are grateful.

We came in to St. Martin on Saturday, a day ahead of the cruise. We were lucky we did because air travel was suspended right after, due to the Trump invasion of Venezuela, a close neighboring country.

With that we have an extra day here in port waiting for other travelers to arrive.

The ship has some 380 passengers. So far about 120 are here. We should be underway tonight, one day late.

I was up at 7:00 am to work off last night's dinner. There was the lightest of drizel which made for this picture of an incoming cruise ship.

Many thanks to everyone for their well-wishes for Arlene and I on this holiday.

I love my wife. We are pleased and feel blessed.

01/05/2026

Well, Arlene and I are on vacation for the week, returning January 13th.

After six years of posting 3 to 6 times daily without a break, we are taking this time to ourselves.

I still may post, but it will be greatly reduced during this time.

I trust this is understandable.

Love to all.

01/04/2026

The issue isn't oil or drugs. Those are just the side effects.

There is no debate that Maduro is a bad and dangerous man. He is.

The issue is that Trump went into Venezuela unilaterally, without the approval of congress.

His presidential authority doesn't allow that, yet, here we are. He has demonstrated the biggest power grab in American history.

This also demonstrates how the world is slowly being carved up between the US, Russia and China.

That Pierre Poilievre congratulated Trump is a Canadian embarrassment and demonstrates where he stands as part of the problem.

These are scary times.

01/04/2026

You do realize that taking your teen out for a donut every now and then may just be better than any amount of therapy.

It just may be your time they needed.

And when you do, no interrogation. Just sit and enjoy your donut and teen.

As you are quiet, you actually increase the likelihood of them taking and if they do... just listen.

And when you feel triggered, needing to respond, hold tight giving space for them to talk more.

Therein the teen likely feels safe.

Therein the teen feels heard non-judgmentally.

Therein relationships are restored.

Therein influence is gained.

Thereafter you may share your opinion and may have it actually heard.

01/04/2026

Telling kids about your separation can be scary.

It's best done with both parents, together.

There should be an agreed upon story that doesn't blame either parent but just informs.

Some kids will wonder that if parents can fall out of love with each other, does that apply to them too.

Let your kids know that even though parents can fall out of love with each other, it just doesn't work that way between parents and kids. Parents can't stop loving their kids.

If a parent goes off script, neutralize, don't attack or defend: "We had agreed on what to share. However, we still may have different views on some of our issues. That's OK."

If there are some plans in place, feel free to share them. If not, then comment on the uncertainty and work still ahead. Let kids know they can have input into some decisions and others remain with you, the parents.

Don't go down rabbit holes of details and discussions in this the first exposure to the decision to separate. The purpose of this experience is just to inform and allow the kids to process the information.

They will be anxious. That anxiety can come out as anger, distancing and/or sadness. Some kids will be hostile to one or both parents. The challenge is to mostly allow and absorbe big feelings nonjudgementally.

Of course all of this will differ depending on the age of the child as well as their experience through their friends.

Keep an eye on them. Be there for support. Be careful not to press for discussion of feelings. Listen as they are ready to talk.

Not every big feeling or concern need be resolved immediately. More important is their feeling your nonjudgemental support and experience your capacity to listen. With that they are more likely to talk on their own terms.

01/03/2026

Only two more sleeps until kids go back to school.
That's got to excite some parents!

01/03/2026

January is a month with higher divorce filings.

If you are seeking to separate do know your partner may feel as if the rug is pulled from beneath them. This despite and previous conversations you may have had.

When reality hits, it can still be a hard knock.

When delivering such information it requires a difficult conversation.

Difficult conversations tend to go better when there is no beating around the bush and the information is straight forward.

"There's something I need to tell you. I want to separate."

Let it sink in.

You can add information, but don't overwhelm.

"I don't fully have a plan. I am hoping this is something we can figure out together. Please know though, my mind is made up. I can appreciate you likely need time to let this sink in. We can talk more later."

Do note that it is not really your place now to justify your decision or work through the details. Let your partner feel as they will. Let them take time to adjust.

Don't tell or offer things for them to do or to cope. You are seeking to separate. These are their responsibilities. It's tough, but straight forward.

You don't have to accept being put on the hot seat or being their support person.

Do know every situation is different.

If there are concerns for serious or even violent behavior, then plan for that.

Be in a safe place. Have an exit strategy. Let a safe person know of your intentions and timing.

In preparation, do know and have access to your own important papers, accounts, keys, etc.

Separating is a major life event.

Be clear. Go slow and gently. Expect backlash of some sort. Don't defend. Just listen. Let nonsense roll off you.

Sorry for your situation.

01/02/2026

If you're newer to my page, you may have noticed that when people comment, they are respectful and supportive of others.

You may also notice that information provided can be fact checked and found to be accurate.

That is because I monitor my page closely.

I am apt to quickly remove misinformation as well as comments that are disrespectful. At my discretion, I may also block those persons whose comments are truly offensive to others or myself.

From time to time I may remove comments that are tangential to the intended message or are meant for the promotion of the person commenting or their services.

I seek for my page to offer guidance, information and support for matters of family life, mental health, parenting and relationships.

I do post on political issues as those greatly affect my areas of concern. I don't defend or argue my political views and I do not permit right leaning content on my page.

I support diversity, equity and inclusion.

If you scroll through my page you will also see that I post on personal matters and given I love to cook, I include some of my recipes.

Please always feel free to share anything I post.

Kindly note that I cannot provide individual specific advice. Please be aware that my page is public, so be mindful if commenting as anyone may have access to it.

So, thanks for following.

I do hope you find something of service to you on your journey through life.

01/02/2026

The US has a somewhat complex electoral system.

The President is elected every four years.

Members of the House of Representatives every two years.

Senators serve six years terms, however a third are elected on a rotating basis every 2 years.

This has been devised to provide checks and balances on power, particularly of the President.

The current President has been acting as if he has absolute authority. Congress (House of Representatives and the Senate) both have Republican majorities and they have bent to his will, acquiescing their own powers.

The next midterm elections are in November, 11 months away as of this post.

Anger at the President and Republicans generally is setting the stage of Democrat majorities. Should that occur, there would be drastic changes to the balance of power.

Trump can be held accountable and would likely not only be impeached, but removed from office.

In the run up to this election, there is bound to be an escalation in Trump's tactics to undermine the integrity of those elections, mainly by his asserting powers where he doesn't belong.

This will be a wild time for the US, Canada, and the rest of the world.

Hate is bound to rise as he becomes more unleashed, stirring his base.

Throughout, we must remain calm and continue to call out hate and misinformation.

We all have a role in the affairs of government.

01/02/2026

Consider getting up 15 minutes early tomorrow.

Use half that time to snuggle with your kids and the other half to get a bit of breakfast ready. It can be simple... even just toast and jam.

If the kids haven't gotten up, bring it in to them. Lay down together. Eat. Enjoy.

Odds are that when your kids are older that will be one of the fondest memories of this season's holiday.

01/02/2026

Impulse control. It's the difference between blurting out the first thought that comes to mind or thinking things through.

It's the difference between acting without thought and considering alternate actions.

Impulse control. It helps keep us from getting into trouble.

Most have it. Some do not.

Of those who do not, it can be a function of never having learned it or practiced it and for others it may be a function of an innate inability.

That innate inability can also vary depending on the intensity of issues involved.

That can make one wonder about intentionality when impulses lead to blurting things out or doing things not considered appropriate to the circumstances.

Such is the challenge of ADHD. It's like the brain doesn't have a set of breaks. Impulse leads to an inconsiderate action.

As for medication, the role is to help stimulate the brakes. It helps those with ADHD just stop that fraction of a second to let other brain processes see the situation and consider alternative actions.

Slowing down the impulses also allows for more information to get in and be processed. Hence, better learning and less getting into trouble.

Sure, medication is not for everyone.

For many however it means the difference between greater success at managing the demands of life, and not.

Impulse control.

(While some folks do have adverse reactions to medications, most do not and this benefit. Please resist posting negative comments as it can adversely affect those who may benefit from this support. As always, when considering medication, speak with your doctor for guidance and information.)

01/02/2026

No amount of intention matches one deed done.

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Hi folks. I work from my home in Keswick, Ontario. People can see me in person or through video conferencing worldwide. I provide a range of counseling and conflict resolution (peacemaking) services to support people, families, relationships and children. Need help? Please see my services and fees on my website: www.yoursocialworker.com