03/13/2024
How Past Trauma Hijacks Your Ability to Unwind (and what can you do about it?)-
Many people who experienced trauma want to find ways to feel calm and safe again. The problem is that most of the time, these are precisely the people who will get triggered and find it extremely difficult to calm down. This is The Paradox of Safety. So why is it happening?
In the majority of times, trauma survivors were hurt by people they knew and were supposed to be safe for them, like caregivers or parents.
They were hurt when their guards were down because they trusted their abuser and had to learn how to set up firm and rigid guards.
People who survived trauma, and especially childhood trauma, learned from a very young age that people and the world around them are not safe.
Even years later, trying to relax feels fake and unsafe because it is impossible to imagine that there could be a safe space in the world for them.
When it is calm and quiet (i.e. when it is dark and you go to bed at night), there is no noise to distract you from the painful memories and thoughts. That is why many trauma survivors struggle with their sleeping because it is then when all the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts start to spiral in their minds.
So, asking you to try and relax feels more dangerous than ever.
Then what can you do instead of “trying to relax”?
When I work with a client who has survived trauma and finds it hard to engage in relaxation techniques, I offer a grounding technique instead.
Grounding techniques aim to “pull” your brain from worries and scare into the “here and now” by using your five senses. Being present in the here and now feels safer.
Here is one example of a grounding technique-
Grounding Object- Keep with you a small object that symbolizes a time or a person that made you feel loved/ safe/ happy. Hold the object and feel its texture, look at its colours, etc., and focus on what that object reminds you.
Contact me to learn more about grounding techniques and find pathways for healing.
