07/19/2019
“stop being a baby” ... “calm down” ... “it’s no big deal” ... In an invalidating childhood environment, displays of negative emotions are often disregarded, minimized or even punished. If this lack of validation is chronic, it makes it very difficult for the child in question to name and trust her own emotions, thus making it even more challenging for her to respond appropriately to what she’s feeling. As a result, her emotional reactions become increasingly disorganized and erratic, and lead to further invalidation from her environment. And the cycle continues. With no intervention, this pattern follows people into adulthood. It makes it tough for them to nurture and maintain relationships (explosive behavior, mistrust, paranoia), and increases their chances of engaging in dangerous or risky self-soothing strategies (self-harm, drugs, alcohol...) Yes, people who display unstable emotions can be hard to deal with, but try to remember that there is extreme vulnerability underneath their behavior. And while you can’t “fix” it for them, you can support them through it.