02/17/2026
Ohhhhh this is powerful love 💗
Nine years ago, a woman I barely knew called me from Florida.
Her husband, my ex-boyfriend’s best friend, had died by su***de.
She didn’t call a funeral home first, she called me. I was in Texas and she was in Florida. This grief didn’t care about geography.
She didn’t know what she was asking for yet, but she wanted to fly me out right away. She knew she didn’t want to be alone, and she knew of my work thru the ex. After an emotional conversation,I started calling funeral homes.
She wanted:
• A viewing, even after a full autopsy
• To be present at the cremation
• Someone she trusted beside her
In Florida, only licensed staff can operate cremation equipment. Families can observe through a viewing window, but policies vary from funeral home to funeral home.
She was adamant, “If they won’t allow you to be there, I don’t want them.” So I found one that would.
The day came. He had been autopsied. I had asked the funeral home to prepare him appropriately for viewing. He was in a simple cremation container at the front of a vast chapel.
She shuddered at the doorway, then whispered to me quietly, “I need to hold him one more time.”
What happened next is something I will never forget. While staff stepped away, a few of us accompanying her that morning, stood guard at the chapel doors. Not to intentionally break rules, but to protect a sacred moment.
Holding my hand for leverage, and standing in a chapel chair, she climbed into the container and laid on top of her deceased husband. The first words she uttered were, "Why does he stink so bad?"
She placed her head on his chest and began to lament over his body, why why why, a few choices curse words, some silence, and then shecalled us back to help her out, whispering goodbye one last time in his ear as we came down the center isle.
People think death care is about logistics., paperwork, and regulations, but sometimes the most important role you can play is simply this: Stand at the door. Hold the space. Protect the goodbye.
That was one of the moments that shaped me long before I ever I trained as a death doula.
Grief doesn’t care about licensure, it sure does care about love.
Have you ever needed someone to stand guard for your grief?