10/07/2023
The Art of Listening: A Conversation with an Elder
Have you ever noticed how an Elder listens to what another person is saying? They seem captivated by what the person is saying. They may not even make eye contact, except perhaps to glance ever so often with gentle curiosity, almost as if to say, ‘Tell me more’ or ‘What do you mean by that.’ If they make eye contact, they demonstrate non-judgmental neutrality.
They convey an expression of caring ‘on purpose.’ As we speak, they provide verbal encouragement, with the occasional ‘uh huh’ with a nod, or upon expressing surprise, an ‘oh’ is often followed by a series of enthusiastic nods. Upon understanding, they shake their head in wonder, often with a look of enlightenment, as if what we just said solved a world problem.
As we finish speaking, they pause and, after carefully considering what we’ve shared, they will often reflect what we said back to us to ensure it has been clearly understood. They may ask a question or two for clarification or summarize their understanding of what we shared. It is important to notice that they have not interrupted us nor waited for us to take a breath so they could jump in to offer an opinion. Instead, they give us their undivided attention and focus on our words.
Through graceful communication, an Elder provides one of life’s greatest lessons: the art of listening. When they speak, they often humbly ask questions, like, ‘Tell me, what are your thoughts on how you are going handle this?’ Within their important questions, they are teaching us self-reliance and self-respect. Upon departing from the Elder, one who possesses the art of listening, the feeling of being validated and heard resonates deeply within our hearts. We also leave with a significant gift to share with the next person who trusts us with their thoughts and feelings. As the gift of listening is passed from person to person, the capacity to honour one another’s spirits expands; thus, compassion blossoms.
kākithaw niwākomākanak (All My Relations),
kihci têpakohp iskotêw iIskwêw (Emily Jane Henry)
Ochapowace Nation
The featured picture is my uncle, the late Wilbert Henry, a gentle human - a true Elder.
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