02/20/2026
A friend said recently that horses really like a ’Long Hello’. That many horses feel immediately rushed by us, and this can really set us onto a path of misunderstandings and conflicts with the horse.
Out on a trail ride the other day, my horse carrying me calmly, carefully, steadily, he waded into the river, and splashed his nose in the water, lifted into a Flehman’s Response, then pawed at the water. It made me laugh. The sun was shining. It was perfect weather, cool enough for a jacket, sunny enough to not get cold. I reached down and rubbed his shoulder. My body flooded with all the feel good things I almost always feel around horses.
"Thanks buddy”, I said.
Gratitude.
I wake up. I go to my horses. I am grateful. Already won. Why?
There are plenty of voices out there telling us, and our horses, that they are not good enough. Not correct enough, fit enough, collected enough, shiny enough, natural enough, healthy enough, calm enough, cooperative enough.
It is enough.
I am grateful before the horse because that is my long goodbye to the horse. We never know when we will have our last moment with our horses. And under normal set of circumstances, we will all outlive our horses, and if we are REALLY lucky, we will be there with them, in gratitude and dignity, at the very end.
So I stay grateful, so that I do not have to GET grateful. Because that is my long goodbye to my horses. No matter if it was to be today, or in 30 years from now.
There is a training principal that permeates equestrian culture at almost every level and wears many disguises. It is the principal of trying to win. It sets the human against the horse and see's the working relationship with them as something competitive. Who wins, who loses, who gets their way. Who gets what they want.
The reason why I try to steer away from that, and you should to, is that it sets you up on a pathway of diminishing gratitude. That diminishing gratitude will eventually leave you utterly burnt out with horses.
So what to do about it? How to express your gratitude to a horse in a way they understand?
1. When the horse doesn’t give you what you want, try smiling about it. Breathe-in. Wait. You can always repeat the question in a moment. And maybe they didn’t understand you, or can’t do that thing today. Or maybe their lesson for you today is not about you getting what you want, but something else
2. When the horse does give you what you want in two seconds or less, permit yourself to feel joy about that. Smile like a maniac. Don’t be entitled or demanding (Unless in an emergency of safety). Tell that horse, in your language, that it was wonderful what they did. And feel what you say, so that the horse feels you too.
3. The 1-Minute Ride. Once in a blue moon (For established, hard working saddle horses). Catch, groom, tack, warm up, mount. Sit for one minute quietly. Get off. Finish. Say THANK YOU to the horse and give them some extra hay that day.
4. When correcting a horse whom has problematic posture, movement issues, or behavioural issues. Remember that it is their body not yours. Maladaptive responses exist for a really good reason and taking those away from a horse too quickly and absolutely could deprive the horse from an important coping strategy that is holding them together. Go slower in your reformation of what you deem incorrect, so that the horse has a chance to contribute to it too. They may not adhere to the rules of the system you are using, so give them a chance to SHOW you, what they need.
5. Give your horse the absolute best quality of life you can. Try to relocate if your barn doesn’t have good living conditions for your horse. Stop giving money to people who know better, but can’t/won’t do better. It doesn’t have to be perfect. But never give up trying to give your horse a life that they enjoy living, outside of their time with you. Even in the most compromised of conditions, you would be amazed what some creative thinking can do to totally change the environment, improving your horses life outside of training.
https://www.emotionalhorsemanship.com
