12/16/2025
Kids aren’t born resilient. Resilience is built.
And the way we respond to their struggles matters more than we think. This week’s blog breaks down what resilience really is, why it matters, and how we can support it without overprotecting.
Also make sure to listen to the related podcast. Straight Talk Sandra Reich talks with Dr. Michael Unger all about this component of mental health and more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDn5qzYw0vM
Read this blog and more on our website: https://www.helpforanxietydepression.com/blog/nurturing-resilience-in-your-children-why-it-matters/
Or check it out below 👇
Nurturing Resilience in Your Children: Why It Matters
Week of December 15th
If there’s one thing we’ve all heard about children, it’s this: Children can learn to be resilient. We often hear this word thrown around when discussing youth mental health. What is less known is that resilience isn’t a magical trait all children are born with. Their ability to bounce back is built up with the help of the adults in their lives. Resilience matters; deeply.
Resilience and strength are often used interchangeably in daily discourse, yet they have vastly different definitions. Strength is characterized by one’s ability to resist and endure pressure. This would be something like putting in extra hours at the office because you have a big project due. In contrast, resilience is one’s ability to recover from and adapt to pressure or changes. This would look more like spending the necessary time to finish the project, then setting up a schedule to avoid being under such a deadline in the future. At its core, resilience is about adaptation in the face of adversity whereas strength is bulldozing through. Resilience is the internal and external support that allows children to fall, get up, and attempt it again with confidence and determination. Historically, it was believed that resilience came from within. A personality trait that some kids possessed while others simply did not. However, research actually shows that resilience is relational. It thrives in the presence of supportive families, communities, and environments which provide children with the necessary tools to face the real world. The truth is, resilient children aren’t born, they’re nurtured.
This matters because every child, no matter how supported, loved, or protected, will face challenges. Though the scale may vary, each and every person on this planet will encounter conflict. Friendship conflicts, academic pressure, disappointment, unexpected changes, etc., are all key aspects of being human. As parents, or even just as external observers, we cannot and should not shield them from it. While it may feel like your parental duty to crush every obstacle in your child’s life, this does not set them up for long-term success. When children face adversity, their resilience is nurtured and they develop a wide array of essential skills. Such as: emotional regulation, confidence in handling conflict, courage to communicate, uphold, and repair boundaries, a strong sense of self, and the ability to constantly adapt when life doesn't go according to plan. Resilience isn't about reducing pain, it’s about setting children up to recover, grow, and thrive after it.
When children are too often shielded from discomfort, conflict, or failure, they miss out on the opportunity to practice coping. Even when out of the best intentions, parents who over-shelter their kids set them up for a lifetime of struggle. Never learning how to self-soothe can lead to a counterintuitive list of future issues. Things like- heightened stress when faced with normal stressors, avoidant behaviours, low tolerance for frustration, fear of failure or making mistakes, difficulty navigating social challenges- all stem from an overprotected childhood. We are often reminded that emotional validation is essential, but stopping there only deals with the emotions. Children also need guidance to build the necessary frameworks for resilience. Shielding your kids from all of life’s little obstacles may seem caring, but it actually creates dependence. Children don’t need a frictionless life, they need to be taught that they can survive it.
Despite what many parents fear, fostering resilience does not come from blindly throwing your kids out of the nest either. Nurturing resilience does not come from grand gestures or perfect parenting. It is grown from small, repeated interactions. Moments where we guide them instead of taking control, support their problem solving instead of fixing, and encourage them to face obstacles instead of shielding them.
Here are a few core elements:
Let them face manageable challenges: When children encounter challenges, it forces them to learn critical skills like conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and tolerance for discomfort. Stepping back when they are faced with an age appropriate challenge strengthens their confidence.
Model calm and regulated reaction: Children often model their behaviours, reactions, and mannerisms off of those closest to them. By staying regulated, calm, and non-reactive, you teach your children how to approach difficulties with a level-head and a clear mind.
Teach problem-solving: As a parent, it can feel like your purpose is to swoop in and save your kids. When they are struggling, instead of telling them what to do, guide them towards the solution with them as the leader. This helps children internalize the belief that they are capable of facing challenges independently.
Validate feelings while encouraging action: Noted before, emotional validation is invaluable to the developing brain. However, it doesn’t do much in terms of overcoming adversity. It is still important to see your children’s feelings, but try to also encourage action. This would look like, “I hear you. Your feelings make sense”, followed by the building block of resilience: “And I believe you can get through this. Let’s explore how.” By adding that second part you nurture the part of their mind that solves problems and adapts to changes.
It’s important to also build a support network. Resilience is never built in isolation, it grows through connection. It is the product of an entire community, child, parent, school, peers, all working together to create an emotional, physical, and social environment with the conditions that help young minds flourish. When a child feels seen, heard, encouraged, loved, challenged, and safe, they learn that although the world can be a tough place, they have the tools they need to face it.
Today’s generation of children face unprecedented challenges related to society in the digital age. With the rising rates of anxiety, depression, and avoidant styles of coping, resilience isn’t just helpful, it’s a necessity. It is a protective factor that shapes lifelong mental health. As adults, we have the opportunity to foster resilience in our children simply by being intentional in the way we guide, support, and relate to the young people in our lives. Resilience doesn’t mean avoiding hardship. It means helping children navigate the hardships that life throws at them with confidence. Resilience is a set of skills that only get stronger with practice and is one predictor of long term wellbeing. Most importantly, it is teachable. By modeling resilient behaviour, you teach your young ones to face adversity head on and overcome it with ease.
For a deeper dive into how resilience works, listen to our Clinical Director’s Podcast, Straight Talk with Sandra Reich. Learn all about nurturing its development in your kids and how you can support its growth as an adult on this episode of the podcast.
Nurturing Resilience in Your Children with Dr. Michael Ungar
About the Episode
You've probably heard it said that "children are so resilient." Dr. Michael Ungar has devoted his life to understanding this component and helping nurture it in others. His extensive research confirms that resilience is not just something inside a person. When problems are larger, resilience is just as much something that is nurtured by families, schools and communities. An individual's ability to cope under adversity is seldom enough to sustain wellbeing without the support of caring for others.
During his insightful interview, Sandra will talk with Dr. Ungar about strategies for teaching our children to be resilient and, therefore, live their best lives.
Listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDn5qzYw0vM
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As a parent, it can be difficult to let your children fail. However, constantly stepping in and fixing their problems doesn’t set them up for lifelong resilience. At The Montreal Center for Anxiety and Depression we have top specialists who can teach you to take a step back and nurture resilience in your kids. It would be our absolute pleasure to match you with a therapist who can support you and your family.
To find your therapist now, give us a call at 514 777-4530 today. We would love to help you, and get you started on your journey. Change your life… TODAY!
