Scriven Program

02/26/2026

Good enough is perfect.

02/04/2026

It’s easy to blame your dad.

01/28/2026

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the Identity Trap.

We get labeled early. Often with the best intentions.

“You’re a little OCD.” “She’s such a worrywart.” “You’re an angry man.”

Here’s what most people miss: These labels don’t just describe us—they begin to DEFINE us.

Instead of experiencing moments of anxiety, you become “an anxious person.” Instead of feeling depressed sometimes, you ARE “a depressed person.”

You’ve turned a temporary state into a permanent trait. The problem isn’t something you have—it’s something you are.

Can you see how limiting this becomes? When you believe “I am my problem,” you’ve created a prison with no door.

But there’s another way:

1️⃣ Create separation: “I wasn’t an angry man. I was a man whose depression had led to anger being present more often in my life.”

2️⃣ Name it precisely: Not “I’m anxious” but “Anxiety shows up when I’m about to speak in public.”

3️⃣ Rewrite the narrative: You’re someone who has faced challenges but is learning new ways to respond.

You are NOT your problem. You never were.

Start figuring out who you want to be instead.

01/22/2026

The journey from hope → worry → transformation isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always worth it.

For men who’ve been taught to push through, avoid emotions, and handle everything alone, therapy can feel like it’s making things worse before they get better. But that discomfort is actually growth.

If you’re ready to begin this work, link in bio.

12/04/2025

We’re taught that more is better. More work. More effort. More stuff. More activity.

But what if the problem isn’t that you’re not doing enough?

What if you’re doing too much of the wrong things?

Additive bias keeps us stuck. But subtraction? That’s where real change happens.

When you subtract the distractions, the busywork, the substances, the unnecessary effort...

You make room for what actually brings joy: genuine connection, meaningful work, real peace.

Less becomes more.

11/18/2025

“Here’s what nobody tells you about vulnerability...”

“You shared something real. Your depression. Your marriage struggles. Your fears. And they used it against you. Now you’re never doing that again.”

“But here’s the thing - the problem isn’t being vulnerable. The problem is WHO you’re vulnerable with. When someone weaponizes your openness, they’re showing you THEIR limitation, not yours.”

“You need a safe place to practice being real. Therapy. A trusted friend. Someone who’s earned it. Start small. Share incrementally. Notice who handles your truth with care.”

“The alternative to vulnerability isn’t safety - it’s loneliness. The right people are looking for what you’re offering: real connection in a fake world.”
vulnerability

11/13/2025

You’re no picnic. Neither am I.

We always think the other person is crazy—the nagging partner, the difficult boss, the ungrateful kids.

But men tell me every day: “I’m doing everything I was taught to be a good man, and I don’t understand why my wife left / I didn’t get promoted / my kids won’t talk to me.”

Here’s why: What you were taught about being a “good man”—stoic, masculine, impenetrable—makes you a lousy partner in the modern world.

Change starts with two things:

1️⃣ Get curious about how others experience you. “Help me understand” is a game changer.

2️⃣ Recognize that the old playbook isn’t working anymore.

Being curious and open empowers the people in your life to give you what you actually want: connection, respect, and real relationships.

10/31/2025

What I learned this week as a therapist in training:

Listen to Sabrina Carpenter, don't be a Manchild.

According to Charlie and Nate on the podcast Switched on Pop, a candidate for Song of the Summer 2025 is Sabrina Carpenter's paean to men's incompetence, "Manchild."

She doesn't mince words:

"Never heard of self care
Half your brain isn’t there"

She echoes what women in heterosexual relationships have established as the table stakes for men - they want a connection.
They don't want the companionable marriage that our parents and grandparents had, they want a real intimacy that is sustainable.

So, where do we start?

1️⃣ Start with understanding that by today's standard, what society tells you makes a good man, actually makes you a lousy partner. Being stoic and strong means you will end up alone.

2️⃣ If you are in a relationship with someone, it's in your best interest to make them happy. That's not giving in, that's just common sense.

3️⃣ Come down off your high horse of needing to be right, needing to fix, needing to lead. Give them the connection they are desperate to receive.

Do you really want to be the Manchild, the Scrub, or the companionable one?

Women don't want to settle, and neither should you.
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I am a graduate student in Counselling Psychology and this post was inspired by the podcast Switched on Pop:

Looking for relationship advice? Skip the self-help books and turn to Sabrina Carpenter's latest single "Manchild" instead.

10/16/2025

What I learned this week as a therapist in training:

"You should ride the waves of chaos, instead of trying to still the pool."

That quote came from author Jane Borden during an interview with Sarah and Nippy on the podcast "A Little Bit Culty." She was referencing how the need to control the chaos in their lives leads people toward the strongman cult leader.

It resonated with me as something that comes up in therapy, which is how men are conditioned to keep their emotions in check, or push them aside, to keep the water calm in their relationship. They fear being defined as angry, or sad, or anything but strong and competent.

How do we seek stillness instead of turbulence?

1️⃣Name the emotion you are feeling and disconnect it from who you are. "I have anger" instead of "I am angry"

2️⃣Describe the feelings in your body and the thoughts in your mind. Lean into your body's natural reaction to distress.

3️⃣ Sit with the feelings, like a rock in a rushing stream. Feel your strength and remember it for the next time it floods.

You can choose to still the pool, and find yourself in foul, stagnant water

or

You can feel the energy of the water flowing around you, giving you life.
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I am a graduate student in Counselling Psychology and this post was inspired by Jane Borden (Cults Like Us) and Erin O'Brien at Recovery Warriors.

10/03/2025

What I learned this week as a therapist in training:

When you are stable, you enable.

This may sound contradictory, as many of us appreciate having a "rock" in our lives - someone unwavering and unchanging through our ups and downs. And for men, especially, being that person of stability checks a big box in the list of things a man should be for his family.

Unfortunately, in many relationships, stability appears as stoicism and silence in the face of rage and grandiosity. Instead of speaking up, we silence ourselves to keep the peace. Then they get louder and we retreat. And around and around we go, in the relationship death spiral of resentment.

How do we break the cycle?

1️⃣ Get to know yourself, your values, and your emotional needs. These are the building blocks of speaking with an adult voice, full of clarity and love for yourself.

2️⃣ Use that voice with love, starting with "I hear you. That sounds important to you. Tell me more."

3️⃣ Make time away from the everyday crush of life - kids, jobs, and extended family - to deliberately connect with the person you love, not the person who is raging or silent in the overwhelm of life.

You can be stable and in your own corner between rounds of fighting, and call it peace

Or

You can meet in the middle of the ring, clear of purpose, and enabling the life and love you desire.
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I am a graduate student in Counselling Psychology and this post was inspired by the work of Terry Real and the song "Coward of the County"

09/23/2025

What I learned this week as a therapist in training:

➡️Vicarious resilience is a thing.

Earlier this year, I attended the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, and "vicarious trauma" was top of mind in many presentations. More than most, counsellors and therapists are aware of experiencing trauma by being exposed to their clients' trauma.

In fact, therapists can rightly be considered "trauma exposed professionals" (TeXP), which is a term that I learned from Tim Black at Wounded Warrior Project

Yes, therapists are exposed to significantly more trauma than the average person, but the flip side of that is that we also gain strength by witnessing our clients' grit and resilience.

How does this happen?

1️⃣ We experience unconscious empathy that mirrors the client's experience.

2️⃣It reinforces our worldview that we have the strengths within us to overcome past trauma and restore harmony in our lives.

3️⃣ Helping others is what brings many therapists to the profession, and seeing clients grow further anchors us in the value of the work.

Repeated exposure to clients' stress and trauma can lead to burnout

unless

We let ourselves be inspired by the resilience of others.
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I am a graduate student in Counselling Psychology and this post was inspired by Jodie Walker and her work with first responders.

09/12/2025

What I learned this week as an intern therapist:

One up and one down is only the starting point in a relationship.

⬆️In a heterosexual relationship, it's usually the man who is one up, controlling his partner, and living the life he's been told is his by a patriarchal society.

⬇️The woman is in the one down position, and keeping the relationship on track by enabling the man and his bs. "Don't make him mad."

How can we move past this?

1️⃣ If you are in the one down position, find your voice and stop enabling your partner. Speak truth to power.

2️⃣ If you are in the one up position, be more mindful about what your partner's needs in the relationship. Embrace the intimacy you are scared of.

3️⃣ Recognize that there will be a constant movement between harmony and disharmony, and in between there will be work to repair.

So you can continue to control your partner, from either the one up or one down position,

Or

You can remember that the other person is someone that you love and the hard work of repair is worth it.
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I am an intern therapist at Men's Therapy Centre and this post was inspired by Terry Real and his book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.