Scriven Program

03/24/2026

Regular appointments don’t just work in therapy—they work in life. Especially in your relationship.

I used to manage a sales team. Every week: 30 minutes, closed door, they set the agenda.

At first, we talked business. Over time? Life, goals, fears, families.

The regularity created safety. The same principle works in relationships.

Your relationship has become a logistics operation. You coordinate schedules but don’t actually connect. When was your last REAL conversation?

Here’s how to fix it:

1️⃣ Make it a PRIORITY. Above kids’ activities, above work. Put it in the calendar every week. Protect it fiercely.

2️⃣ Find a place OUTSIDE your home (and definitely outside the bedroom). Somewhere with no distractions, no reminders of everything else you should be doing.

3️⃣ Don’t solve problems or discuss logistics. Focus on CONNECTING. Being seen and heard by someone you love. Making decisions is a byproduct, not the purpose.

You’ll find safety and joy in those regular dates. You’ll feel more connected to yourself and your partner.

Replace the rinse-and-repeat routine of everyday life with a regular chance to be happy, together.

Schedule connection. It works

03/17/2026

Crazy Train is a disco song and other examples of how the map is not the territory

“Crazy Train” is a DISCO song 🎶

That’s right—the most iconic metal anthem has a disco rhythm. We think we know what we’re hearing, but reality is completely different.

This is what happens to men following inherited maps:

CAREER MAP: “Success = Fulfillment” REALITY: Corner office, empty inside

RELATIONSHIP MAP: “Be strong, never vulnerable” REALITY: Lonely in your own marriage

FATHERHOOD MAP: “Be a Provider. Be disciplined” REALITY: Your kids feel your absence

You’re not broken.

The map you inherited just doesn’t match the territory you’re actually walking through.

What map are you following?

And how is it different from the life you are actually iving?

03/12/2026

Here’s what they don’t tell you about healing from trauma...”

“We expect recovery to be: Start broken, do the work, emerge whole. But that’s not how trauma actually heals.” “Dr. Judith Herman’s research shows trauma recovery has 3 stages that constantly loop back on themselves.”

Stage 1: Safety 🛡️ “Learning to feel safe in your body”

Stage 2: Remembrance 💭 “Processing what happened”

Stage 3: Reconnection 🤝 “Rebuilding your life”

Voiceover: “But here’s the key - you don’t do these once. You spiral through them over and over, each time going deeper.”

“When you need to step back to safety after processing memories? That’s not regression - that’s wisdom. You’re integrating what you learned.”

“Stop judging your spiral. Trust your timing.

02/26/2026

Good enough is perfect.

02/04/2026

It’s easy to blame your dad.

01/28/2026

#

the Identity Trap.

We get labeled early. Often with the best intentions.

“You’re a little OCD.” “She’s such a worrywart.” “You’re an angry man.”

Here’s what most people miss: These labels don’t just describe us—they begin to DEFINE us.

Instead of experiencing moments of anxiety, you become “an anxious person.” Instead of feeling depressed sometimes, you ARE “a depressed person.”

You’ve turned a temporary state into a permanent trait. The problem isn’t something you have—it’s something you are.

Can you see how limiting this becomes? When you believe “I am my problem,” you’ve created a prison with no door.

But there’s another way:

1️⃣ Create separation: “I wasn’t an angry man. I was a man whose depression had led to anger being present more often in my life.”

2️⃣ Name it precisely: Not “I’m anxious” but “Anxiety shows up when I’m about to speak in public.”

3️⃣ Rewrite the narrative: You’re someone who has faced challenges but is learning new ways to respond.

You are NOT your problem. You never were.

Start figuring out who you want to be instead.

01/22/2026

The journey from hope → worry → transformation isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always worth it.

For men who’ve been taught to push through, avoid emotions, and handle everything alone, therapy can feel like it’s making things worse before they get better. But that discomfort is actually growth.

If you’re ready to begin this work, link in bio.

12/04/2025

We’re taught that more is better. More work. More effort. More stuff. More activity.

But what if the problem isn’t that you’re not doing enough?

What if you’re doing too much of the wrong things?

Additive bias keeps us stuck. But subtraction? That’s where real change happens.

When you subtract the distractions, the busywork, the substances, the unnecessary effort...

You make room for what actually brings joy: genuine connection, meaningful work, real peace.

Less becomes more.

11/18/2025

“Here’s what nobody tells you about vulnerability...”

“You shared something real. Your depression. Your marriage struggles. Your fears. And they used it against you. Now you’re never doing that again.”

“But here’s the thing - the problem isn’t being vulnerable. The problem is WHO you’re vulnerable with. When someone weaponizes your openness, they’re showing you THEIR limitation, not yours.”

“You need a safe place to practice being real. Therapy. A trusted friend. Someone who’s earned it. Start small. Share incrementally. Notice who handles your truth with care.”

“The alternative to vulnerability isn’t safety - it’s loneliness. The right people are looking for what you’re offering: real connection in a fake world.”
vulnerability

11/13/2025

You’re no picnic. Neither am I.

We always think the other person is crazy—the nagging partner, the difficult boss, the ungrateful kids.

But men tell me every day: “I’m doing everything I was taught to be a good man, and I don’t understand why my wife left / I didn’t get promoted / my kids won’t talk to me.”

Here’s why: What you were taught about being a “good man”—stoic, masculine, impenetrable—makes you a lousy partner in the modern world.

Change starts with two things:

1️⃣ Get curious about how others experience you. “Help me understand” is a game changer.

2️⃣ Recognize that the old playbook isn’t working anymore.

Being curious and open empowers the people in your life to give you what you actually want: connection, respect, and real relationships.

10/31/2025

What I learned this week as a therapist in training:

Listen to Sabrina Carpenter, don't be a Manchild.

According to Charlie and Nate on the podcast Switched on Pop, a candidate for Song of the Summer 2025 is Sabrina Carpenter's paean to men's incompetence, "Manchild."

She doesn't mince words:

"Never heard of self care
Half your brain isn’t there"

She echoes what women in heterosexual relationships have established as the table stakes for men - they want a connection.
They don't want the companionable marriage that our parents and grandparents had, they want a real intimacy that is sustainable.

So, where do we start?

1️⃣ Start with understanding that by today's standard, what society tells you makes a good man, actually makes you a lousy partner. Being stoic and strong means you will end up alone.

2️⃣ If you are in a relationship with someone, it's in your best interest to make them happy. That's not giving in, that's just common sense.

3️⃣ Come down off your high horse of needing to be right, needing to fix, needing to lead. Give them the connection they are desperate to receive.

Do you really want to be the Manchild, the Scrub, or the companionable one?

Women don't want to settle, and neither should you.
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I am a graduate student in Counselling Psychology and this post was inspired by the podcast Switched on Pop:

Looking for relationship advice? Skip the self-help books and turn to Sabrina Carpenter's latest single "Manchild" instead.

10/16/2025

What I learned this week as a therapist in training:

"You should ride the waves of chaos, instead of trying to still the pool."

That quote came from author Jane Borden during an interview with Sarah and Nippy on the podcast "A Little Bit Culty." She was referencing how the need to control the chaos in their lives leads people toward the strongman cult leader.

It resonated with me as something that comes up in therapy, which is how men are conditioned to keep their emotions in check, or push them aside, to keep the water calm in their relationship. They fear being defined as angry, or sad, or anything but strong and competent.

How do we seek stillness instead of turbulence?

1️⃣Name the emotion you are feeling and disconnect it from who you are. "I have anger" instead of "I am angry"

2️⃣Describe the feelings in your body and the thoughts in your mind. Lean into your body's natural reaction to distress.

3️⃣ Sit with the feelings, like a rock in a rushing stream. Feel your strength and remember it for the next time it floods.

You can choose to still the pool, and find yourself in foul, stagnant water

or

You can feel the energy of the water flowing around you, giving you life.
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I am a graduate student in Counselling Psychology and this post was inspired by Jane Borden (Cults Like Us) and Erin O'Brien at Recovery Warriors.