12/19/2025
I’ve roasted more turkeys than I can count, fussing over seasoning, stuffing, basting, timing, and whether the potatoes are fluffy enough. You know… the usual holiday stress: trying to appear calm while silently panicking that guests will arrive late—or worse, that I won’t be ready on time, that the gravy might burn, or that a side dish might meet a dramatic demise on the floor. As Julia Child might say: “The gravy can wait. Find the wine :-)”
And then there’s Callie. She’s never patiently sitting in a corner, watching politely. Nooo. She’s completely underfoot, judging my every move with those soft, soulful eyes, weaving between my ankles like a furry game of Twister. Half the time, I’m reaching for the oven, the sink, or a rogue cooking utensil. The other half, I’m praying I don’t step on a paw or trip over her tail. And yet somehow, she’s also the best sous-chef I’ve ever had— no complaints, no critiques, just enthusiastic, gourmet-style quality control. Meanwhile, my husband watches me rearrange serving dishes for the third time and rolls his eyes, as I mutter: "Are you blind…we can't serve our guests in those dishes?"
Chaotic? Yes. Ridiculous? Absolutely. Normal? Well, at least in our home.
But here's what years of hosting holidays and working with couples have taught me: the turkey was never the issue. It's always been about the stuffing.
LOL! Yep, the real problem is in the stuffing. And, I’m not talking about breadcrumbs or sausage. I’m talking about all the invisible, emotional things we pile in there: tiny resentments, unmet expectations, unspoken feelings, subtle slights, issues of power and control, and all those little irritations we pretend don’t exist…but are just waiting to spill over. We all do it. Every single one of us. And unlike the turkey, you can't just carve around it.
Showing Up for Each Other in the Holiday Chaos
It’s easy to get lost in the rush and perfectionism of the holidays. What truly counts is how you meet the chaos together. The deeper question is simply this: How are you showing up today? Are you noticing your partner’s efforts—the small gestures of care? Maybe it's the way they quietly take on a task so you can focus elsewhere, or silently shoulder the stress? Are you allowing space for each other’s fatigue, frustration, or vulnerability? Because these moments are not interruptions...they are opportunities to connect.
The holidays have a way of amplifying tension, especially if you’re retired, both working from home, or suddenly spending more hours together than usual. You might realize that spending extended time in close quarters with the same person is well…intense. Proximity doesn’t automatically create intimacy. What makes the difference is how couples respond to the inevitable stress, i.e., whether they dig in or soften, escalate or repair.
And this is exactly where the magic of repair lives. In the eye roll that turns into a smile. Or the half-apology offered over the sink. Even a quiet reset sealed with a refill of the “cooking” wine:-) The emotional “stuffing” doesn’t have to explode. When noticed and tended to, it can become the place where couples reconnect—not because they got it right, but because they found their way back to each other.
Now stuff that in your Christmas stocking. 😂
Happy holidays, everyone!
Lydia🎄
