Captivation Coaching

Captivation Coaching BURNOUT RECOVERY
Helping high-capacity women recover from burnout, reconnect with purpose, and lead from a place of alignment, not exhaustion.

Coaching for clarity, nervous system healing, and deep reconnection with self.

Maybe you are NOT actually burnt out.Burn out typically occurs as a result of continued over-giving beyond healthy capac...
12/18/2025

Maybe you are NOT actually burnt out.

Burn out typically occurs as a result of continued over-giving beyond healthy capacity.

Maybe what you are experiencing is a NORMAL physiological response to compounding grief.

Let's face it... Once we hit middle age, our losses begin to stack up. Sometimes they stack up far faster than we could ever be prepared for.

🌻 I have been divorced a decade and will never celebrate a 50th Anniversary... there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I love my daughter and she has a successful career and a stable relationship... in a different province... there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I love my son and he has achieved his heavy duty mechanic license and operates a winch truck/trailer when he's not farming with his father... and he's too big to sit on my lap... there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I love my 87 year old Mom and she is well cared for in the lodge she lives in, yet she is beginning to suffer from cognitive decline which makes her more fearful and agitated with life and we are experiencing a rapidly advancing role reversal in caretaking...there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I love the work I do, but choosing to live in a rural area makes achieving financial abundance extra challenging...there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I love my mentors and encouraging peers that I met during my year in Calgary and know I would benefit greatly by spending more time with them and collaborating with them; however, the love of my family keeps me closely tied to my rural roots...there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I love my dearest friends and they are all geographically spread out and we don't get to spend much time together in person...there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I have tried to seek employment and find my age has become a significant deterrent to securing financially rewarding work...there is a layer of grief attached to this.
🌻 I wake up with back pain every day as a result of low back injury...there is a layer of grief attached to this.

My story is NOT special. My story, in fact, might look just like your story.

I have come to understand that what I am currently experiencing in my mind, body, and spirit, is NOT burnout. It is NOT from over-giving for too long. It IS from compounding layers of grief.

The reality is this...I will never again perform to the standard of speed, duration, or intensity that I once did. No amount of healthy eating, miles on the recumbent bike, or rest will ever fully rid my body of these many layers of grief. Oh, I can push through like a champ... for awhile. I can show up with a big smile and a bucket of enthusiasm...for awhile. However, the reality of compounding loss demands to be recognized and honored and that honoring often requires rest, retreat, reflect, restart...again...and again...and...again.

Maybe you're not burnt out... maybe you, too, have been grieving too much for too long...

Dr Jordan Peterson quotes Dr Carl Jung often in his talks on human behaviour. A few years ago, I became a Certified MBTI...
10/28/2025

Dr Jordan Peterson quotes Dr Carl Jung often in his talks on human behaviour. A few years ago, I became a Certified MBTI Personalities Coach, MBTI is based on Carl Jung's research and I prefer using this system of understanding personality trait differences (strengths/wealnesses) because, in this system, we can learn how to grow, adapt, evolve and meet other personalities in the middle.

Let's look at these two polar opposite types today:

When Hearts and Systems Collide: INFP vs. ESTJ Relationships

Ever wonder why some couples love each other deeply… but constantly misfire in communication? Let’s talk about one of the most common polarity pairings, the INFP (The Mediator) and the ESTJ (The Executor).

🌿 The INFP leads with feelings and intuition. They live from the inside out, driven by authenticity, meaning, and emotional connection. They crave harmony and mutual understanding, not control or competition.

📊 The ESTJ, on the other hand, lives from the outside in.They thrive on structure, logic, and efficiency. Their love often shows up in action, getting things done, solving problems, and keeping life in order.

Both are incredible humans… but here’s where it gets messy:

💥 The INFP says: “You don’t see me. You’re trying to fix me.”
💥 The ESTJ says: “You don’t hear me. You’re being too sensitive.”

The INFP retreats when they feel criticized.
The ESTJ pushes harder when they feel unheard...and before long, both are exhausted, one emotionally, the other mentally.

When both stay curious instead of defensive?
✨ The INFP helps the ESTJ soften, slow down, and reconnect with heart.
✨ The ESTJ helps the INFP focus, follow through, and build dreams into reality.

The beauty of opposite wiring is that you can either let it divide you… or refine you.
When both people learn to honour how the other loves, the friction turns into fuel, growth, balance, and deeper connection.

If you’ve ever felt like your partner speaks a different emotional language, you’re not crazy, you’re just wired differently.

🧩 That’s exactly what The Connection Code was designed to help couples understand, how your brain, personality, and beliefs shape every conversation, every reaction, every moment of connection or disconnection.

Love isn’t just about finding someone who “gets you.” It’s about learning to translate each other’s wiring, and growing stronger because of it. 💛

After a beautiful drive across as many less traveled stretches of highway as I could find, I landed in Sundre, at my hot...
10/25/2025

After a beautiful drive across as many less traveled stretches of highway as I could find, I landed in Sundre, at my hotel.

Got myself all gussied up and headed out to the 4-H Seniors Symposium at Intervarsity Pioneer Camp where 100 4-H kids 15-19 came together to embark some Life & Leadership education.

I started off my talk by learning about them. Who traveled the furthest? Who is in a beef club like I used to be?

Then I told them three things that they need to know about me:
1. I'm a ridiculous human being
2. My brain is scrambled and I don't know if it's from adhd, menopause, empty nest syndrome or a combination of all three and because of that I suck at preparation and you're getting a 60 minute impromptu speech
3. You will most likely see me with a clown nose on before the end of our time together

And... I delivered exactly as promised! I was ridiculous! 🤣🎤 Started singing some Jon Bon Jovi and a group of "country boys" in the corner by the stage started singing along...LOUD...(likely to drown me out) Livin' On A Prayer.

I also delivered some interactive messaging around my 4 pillars for life lived well:
1. Clarity - pay more attention to who you want to be, not just what you want to do or have
2. Courage - face the things you don't feel comfortable with and do them anyways
3. Connection - learn new ways to make friends and keep friends
4. Communication - say what you mean and mean what you say... before you say anything run your words through three filters: A) Is this useful? B) Is this helpful? C) Is this harmful?

Different randomly picked kids were pulled up to the front to "do" some things that show what courage and connection looks like in action.

To wrap things up, I had them all yell out on the count of three... LIFE READY!

It was a great experience and I hope I get to spend more time in a room full of 4-Hers. 🍀

I pledge:
My HEAD to clearer thinking
My HEART to greater loyalty
My HEALTH to better living
And my HANDS to greater service for my club, my community, my country, and my world

Heather out...
🎤 (mic drop)

Ever wonder why your partner shuts down, gets defensive, or “checks out” during conflict?The thing is, their body isn’t ...
10/16/2025

Ever wonder why your partner shuts down, gets defensive, or “checks out” during conflict?

The thing is, their body isn’t betraying you... it’s protecting them.

Neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky explains that your brain doesn’t know the difference between running from a lion and arguing in your kitchen. The same stress response fires: cortisol spikes, blood pressure rises, and your brain shifts into survival mode.

🐾 Zebras run, escape, and reset.
But humans? We stew. We replay the argument. We keep the stress switch stuck in the ON position.

That’s why, in conflict, your partner isn’t necessarily being “difficult.” Their nervous system is literally fighting for safety and not fighting you.

This is what The Connection Code I have created teaches.

✨ The What: A 60-module educational journey that unpacks the science and psychology behind human relationships, from communication and conflict to emotional wiring and stress.

✨ The How: Each module combines brain biology, emotional intelligence, and practical faith-based insight that helps you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface when relationships feel hard.

✨ The Why: Because connection doesn’t fall apart from lack of love. It breaks from lack of understanding. Once you see the patterns in yourself, and others, you stop fighting the wrong enemy.

💬 If you’ve ever thought, “We love each other… so why does it feel this hard?”
That’s exactly what The Connection Code was designed to answer.

🧠 Learn the science.
💛 Practice the skills.
🙏 Restore the connection.

Find out more at https://www.connectioncode.ca
and start learning how to love... and be loved... better.

10/11/2025

Introducing The Connection Code...

Every relationship has a rhythm and when that rhythm gets disrupted, connection begins to unravel.

That’s why I created The Connection Code, a 60-module educational pathway designed to help you understand the why beneath the what in your relationships.

This isn’t therapy.
It’s a guided journey through the neuroscience, psychology, and spiritual principles that explain how we communicate, misfire, and heal connection.

Whether it’s your marriage, your workplace, your family, or your relationship with yourself, The Connection Code helps you:
✨ Understand emotional wiring
✨ Communicate with clarity instead of defensiveness
✨ Replace frustration with compassion
✨ Build the kind of connection that lasts

The first series, Communication Basics, is now live and it’s the perfect place to start.

🎥 Watch the video below for a first look at the journey ahead.

Some people will never see your worth, and that’s okay.There comes a point in every growth journey where you realize tha...
10/10/2025

Some people will never see your worth, and that’s okay.

There comes a point in every growth journey where you realize that understanding someone doesn’t mean you have to invite them in. You can have compassion for "what happened to them," their nervous system and brain wiring, their wounds, even their relational blindness... and still keep them at arm’s length.

That’s not coldness; that’s clarity.

It’s maturity to say: “I can see why you are the way you are… but I won’t shrink myself or sell my soul to earn a seat at your table.” The truth is, the meal is not worth the price of admission.

When someone’s worldview is built on performance, power, money, or control, they can only measure worth in those currencies. If you’re someone who values authenticity, integrity, or heart, you’ll never “earn” your way into their approval without betraying the very things that make you who you are.

That’s the trap... and it’s one many of us learned young: “If I can just prove myself enough, they’ll love me.”

That will be a fail... Every... Time... All it does is drain your light trying to reach people who don’t even have eyes to see it.

Please remember:
💫 You don’t need everyone’s understanding to live in peace.
💫 You don’t need validation from the ones who misunderstand you.
💫 You don’t need to dim your values to make someone else comfortable.

Boundaries and discernment around how others behave around you or treat you are not rejection, they are necessary components in spiritual alignment.

Repeat after me, "I can hold compassion for your story and protect the life God’s still writing in mine." This is how we choose to not hate others who hurt us.

We are each required to learn and grow and seek better understanding of how our unique brain wiring impacts those around us through our attitudes, actions, and behaviors... At the same time, don't let others get away with not learning and growing or seeking better understanding of how their wiring impacts you. I'm not talking about anarchy, I am talking about not enabling poor, harmful relationship behavior by over-tolerating what is hurtful.

There will be times where we are unable to set large enough boundaries to keep us fully protected all the time, and in those cases, our mission is to minimize exposure to the hurt and rejection.

Anchor your worth, not to the responses of people in your life, but to your God and the love he has for you.

You are "fearfully and wonderfully made," (Psalm 139:13-14) God knows what's in your heart, even if the people around you can't see it. Worry more about what God knows and less about what people say.

The truth is, ya can't win 'em all... and that's ok.

I'm so pumped! My first module pack in The Connection Code is ALMOST ready for purchase! Years of research. Years of cli...
09/30/2025

I'm so pumped! My first module pack in The Connection Code is ALMOST ready for purchase!

Years of research. Years of client conversations. Hours and hours of writing.

Flip through the module titles below! You'll get the whole pack (24-36 pages each) for $98.... DM me if you want the early bird discount code for the digital download module pack.

Because...

💥 Let’s be real.

Your fights aren’t (or weren't - if you're no longer in relationship) about dishes, money, or who forgot to grab milk.
They’re about biology hijacking your body, psychology twisting your thoughts, and old wounds screaming louder than love.

That’s why I built the Communications Basics modules. Not because couples don’t care, but because most of us were never taught what’s actually going on under the words.

Here’s the truth no one likes to admit:
⚡ His silence isn’t laziness.
⚡ Her spiraling isn’t crazy.
⚡ Your triggers aren’t about tonight’s argument, they’re landmines wired to your past.

You keep fighting the wrong enemy.
You think it’s each other.
It’s not. It’s the wiring, the biology, the unspoken scripts that have been running the show.

These modules rip the mask off the real problem. They’re not fluffy self-help tips. They’re blunt, science-backed, faith-rooted tools to stop the cycle before it destroys what you actually want: love that lasts.

👉 If you’re still here, it means you’re still trying. Stop surviving the same fight on repeat. Start learning how to fight for each other.
👇If you've experienced relationship fracture and want to do better next time, these modules will help you understand where many of the communication misfires and misunderstandings come from.

Communication Basics. Where the healing begins.

In a world of disposable relationships, let's do better to build lasting commitments. ❤️

Do you want better understanding in your relationship? Or want to understand what went wrong in a fractured relationship...
09/24/2025

Do you want better understanding in your relationship? Or want to understand what went wrong in a fractured relationship?

Are you like me and went to a Christian Sunday School and ended up walking away from church and faith because you saw too much hypocrisy as you got older?

I came back to church AFTER I started reading the Bible myself... in my studies I recognized many of our modern psychology tools for overcoming depression, relationship discontent, and loss of purpose are all right there in the Bible.

The biggest reasons many of us get stuck or experience recurring exasperation in our life is because we typically address only one aspect of what is causing the exasperation... we either work on our faith if we believe in God, work on our mindset using psychology, or work on our biology and hormones.

The key is working on all three.

I have invested the past months creating research-backed educational tools that help us understand what is going on beneath the surface of our everyday conflicts. The three lenses we look through are:
BRAIN BIOLOGY - WHAT is happening.
PSYCHOLOGY - HOW it impacts us.
BIBLICAL/SPIRITUAL TRUTH - WHY it is happening.

A Christian will struggle to cope with exasperation, pain, and their faith unless they acknowledge the humanity of Christ.
A Non-Christian will struggle to cope with exasperation, pain, and their purpose unless they are anchored to a God/Power higher than themselves, higher than any human, higher than the gods of money, s*x, power, fame...

These educational tools are designed to show the underbelly of the kinds of conflicts that drive wedges between people in intimate relationships when one or both are under stress.
Their application:
✨️ To see why you fight so often or feel so misunderstood in your relationships.
✨️ To empower yourself with language to understand yourself better and be better able explain what's going on inside you to your person.
✨️ To empower yourself with wisdom to share with your children when you see them struggle in their adult relationships. If they don't believe what you say... point them to the information.
✨️ To empower yourself with wisdom that you can use to model communication skills that build connection & love, not disconnection & fracture.

These modules are designed to translate emotional feeling experiences into logical understanding.

I will openly admit I would have been a much better wife if I had known this stuff thirty years ago. Rather than having you go for counselling when your relationship is falling apart or disconnection is building, please empower yourself with understanding BEFORE it gets to that... these "little daily conflict hurts" get waved off or stacked until the hurt is too big to ignore.

If you are interested in getting the first 6 modules that dive into Communication Basics, let me know. I have rent to pay so can't give them away for free. This first module pkg is only $98 - you get digital download access with additional resources and journaling tools.

"Where was this information 50 years ago when our marriage was on the rocks? This is fantastic." - Roger C

Email me at heather@captivationcoaching.ca..that is if you want to purchase your set with my EARLY BIRD SPECIAL of $75 before the official launch October 1st! (Shhhh don't tell my marketing agency.)

I'm also holding a two-part interactive virtual online workshop for both individuals and couples where we will dive into the content in these modules...if this interests you, email to have your name added to the waitlist. First workshop scheduled for Oct 6 & 9, 2025.

P.S. Thank-you to all who quality tested the modules to ensure they are the best they can be.

Things on my mind this morning: Values. Evaluating my outcomes and tracing them back to the values that guided the pathw...
08/30/2025

Things on my mind this morning: Values. Evaluating my outcomes and tracing them back to the values that guided the pathway.

Your values are the compass. Your outcomes are the path.

Every decision you make is shaped by what you value most.
💜 If you value peace, you’ll choose calm over conflict.
💜 If you value achievement, you’ll push further than most.
💜 If you value connection, you’ll prioritize relationships over recognition.

👉 The outcomes you’re living with today are a reflection of the values you’ve been walking in.

That means two things:

1️⃣ Stay true when the outcomes align.
If your life feels meaningful, grounded, and fulfilling, keep anchoring yourself in the values that got you here. That’s your integrity at work.

2️⃣ Have courage when the outcomes don’t.
If you want different results, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It might mean your values need to shift, or grow.

Our values aren’t fixed. They evolve as we heal, learn, and step into new seasons of life. The value that once kept you safe may no longer serve you. The value that once felt impossible to live by may now be the one that brings you peace.

✨ True courage is in the alignment.
Holding steady when your values are right.Adjusting bravely when you know they need to change.

Your outcomes will always tell you the truth.

The question is: are they pointing you where you want to go?

💬 What’s one value you’re committed to living by, even when it’s hard? Drop it in the comments and let’s inspire each other.

Here is a peak at a summary of another one of the modules in The Connection Code Series💔 A Trap That Silently Kills Love...
08/19/2025

Here is a peak at a summary of another one of the modules in The Connection Code Series

💔 A Trap That Silently Kills Love 💔

He stood in front of the closet, holding up a shirt he felt good in.
She smiled faintly and said, “Wear whatever you want… just not that one.”

He froze. That wasn’t really freedom. It was a trap. This is what’s called a double bind. It sounds like choice, but it isn’t. It’s a command disguised as love.

For him, the message landed deep:
👉 If I wear what I want, I’ll be shamed. 👉 If I wear what she wants, I lose myself.

💡 Here’s the harder truth: most people who use double binds aren’t trying to be cruel. They’re protecting their own insecurity.

Sometimes it comes from fear of judgment: “If you don’t look right, it makes me look bad.”
Sometimes it comes from control learned in childhood: “Love feels safer if I can keep it on my terms.”
Sometimes it comes from anxiety: “I need to control the small things to feel secure inside.”

She didn’t mean to cut him down. She was acting out of her own fear, but the impact was the same... he felt unseen, unsafe, and unaccepted.

Over time, this silent poison seeps into the foundation of a relationship. It tells the heart: “You are not safe to be you here.”

✨ Healthy love doesn’t trap.
✨ Healthy love doesn’t force.
✨ Healthy love says: “You are safe to show up as you. Even if I would choose differently.”

At the end of the day, connection isn’t built on control, it’s built on the courage to let each other be fully known.

Pastor Mark Driscoll talks about the double-bind like this:
Person under double-bind has no win, no matter what choice/action they take. It's a lose/lose scenario.
Person giving the double-bind has nothing to gain...

🫱 Have you ever felt this no-win trap in your relationship? How did it affect your trust?
🫱 Are you someone who puts double-binds before others from a place of unresolved insecurities? What steps will you take to build healthier love?

Have you ever noticed how certain words or phrases can make your chest tighten, your voice rise, or your stomach twist… ...
08/15/2025

Have you ever noticed how certain words or phrases can make your chest tighten, your voice rise, or your stomach twist… before the other person even finishes their sentence? I definitely have some of these.

That’s not just “being sensitive.” That’s your nervous system responding to a trigger... a reminder (often unconscious) of a past experience where you felt unsafe, rejected, judged, or misunderstood. "Common sense" used to be a big trigger for me.

Why does this happen? Our brains store emotional memories alongside the words, tones, and situations that surrounded them. If, as a child, you heard “Calm down” in moments where you felt dismissed or belittled, hearing it now can instantly light up your fight-or-flight response, even if the person saying it today means no harm.

💔 How It Impacts Others
When we react defensively, even from old wounds, the person in front of us often feels shut out, attacked, or confused.
➡️The conversation derails.
➡️Connection fades.
➡️Misunderstandings pile up.

🌱 Why It’s Worth Addressing
When you learn to spot your triggers and pause before reacting (rewrite the story your brain is telling you), you create space for deeper connection. You stop defending against ghosts from the past and start responding to the real human in front of you.

✨ Imagine the shift if:
👉You could hear your partner’s words for what they are now, not what they meant in the past.
👉You could stay calm and curious instead of tense and guarded.
👉Your loved ones could feel fully heard and safe in your presence.

Relationships flourish when our reactions come from the present, not from old pain.
If there’s a word or phrase that makes you defensive, ask yourself:
🤔When was the first time I remember feeling this way after hearing it?
🤔What did it mean to me then?
🤔What’s the truth about it now?

The more you untangle these triggers, the more you free yourself, and the people you love, from cycles of misunderstanding.

💜 Connection grows where curiosity replaces defensiveness.
💜 Peace grows where understanding replaces reactivity.
💜 Love grows where safety replaces fear.

Lead, Love, and Live Without Losing Yourself: A Masterclass for Women Who Carry It AllYou’re competent. You’re dependabl...
08/08/2025

Lead, Love, and Live Without Losing Yourself: A Masterclass for Women Who Carry It All

You’re competent. You’re dependable. You hold it together for everyone else, but somewhere along the way, you stopped recognizing the woman in the mirror.

This free, trauma-aware masterclass is for women in leadership, caregiving, and high-functioning roles who want to reconnect with themselves without burning down everything they’ve built.

Whether you’re an HR leader trying to support a struggling team, a mother navigating complex family dynamics, or a woman quietly unraveling behind the scenes, this session is your invitation to breathe again.

During this 60-minute session, you’ll discover:
Why mindset work alone isn’t enough to heal emotional exhaustion
How feminine energy gets depleted in over-functioning and people-pleasing
The hidden toll of unprocessed grief, role fatigue, and generational pain
A clear, 5-part trauma-aware method to move from surviving to soul-aligned living
Practical tools to reconnect with rest, joy, and self-trust, without guilt
This isn’t fluff. It’s deep, raw, real support for the women who never stopped showing up… but quietly forgot how to show up for themselves.

*Spots are limited to ensure a meaningful, supportive experience.

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