Communicating Well

Communicating Well Helping individuals to shift their experience so they can connect more consciously with themselves a

When your nervous system is flooded, even the most loving partner can sound like a threat. Elevated heart rate, shallow ...
02/10/2026

When your nervous system is flooded, even the most loving partner can sound like a threat. Elevated heart rate, shallow breathing, and tunnel vision make it nearly impossible to listen or empathize.

Try this agreement:
If either of you feels overwhelmed, take 20 minutes apart to regulate — not to rehearse arguments, but to calm your body. Walk, stretch, breathe, or sit quietly.

Then return to the conversation when your system feels steadier. This isn’t avoidance or abandonment; it’s a commitment to having the conversation well, rather than winning it.

✨Discover your relationship’s strengths (and what could use a little care) in the free Intro to Level Up Your Relationship course — https://communicatingwell.uteach.io/courses/free-intro-to-level-up-your-relationship (link in bio)

The inner critic often develops as a way to prevent rejection, failure, or disappointment. It tries to keep us in line s...
02/09/2026

The inner critic often develops as a way to prevent rejection, failure, or disappointment. It tries to keep us in line so we won’t be hurt again. When we see judgment as protective rather than cruel, we can relate to it with curiosity instead of shame—and that shift alone can soften its grip.

Trauma isn’t just a story we tell—it’s a pattern held in the body. Long before words are available, the nervous system l...
02/06/2026

Trauma isn’t just a story we tell—it’s a pattern held in the body. Long before words are available, the nervous system learns what to expect. This is why insight alone often isn’t enough to create change.

In EMDR and Focusing-Oriented Therapy, we work with what the body already knows—sensations, impulses, images, emotions. These are not distractions from healing; they are the doorway.

When the body feels met and supported, it can update its expectations. Safety becomes something felt, not just understood.

𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭:
Pause and scan your body. Ask:
“Where do I feel myself the most right now?”
Place a hand there and stay curious for 30–60 seconds.

A quick check-in with the world.Nothing dramatic—just awareness without alarm.Maisie looks, notices, and remains exactly...
02/05/2026

A quick check-in with the world.
Nothing dramatic—just awareness without alarm.
Maisie looks, notices, and remains exactly where she is. No rush to intervene, no need to jump to conclusions. She gathers information and holds it lightly.
It’s a subtle skill: paying attention without losing yourself to it.

Whether you want to deepen connections or boost confidence in social settings, asking questions is a powerful tool. It e...
02/04/2026

Whether you want to deepen connections or boost confidence in social settings, asking questions is a powerful tool. It encourages your nervous system to shift from fear to curiosity, promoting a calmer state of mind. Plus, it’s an excellent way to learn about others, fostering a sense of comfort and safety in social environments.

𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬:
1) Choose a few questions from our weekly posts
2) Practice with your friends and family (what a great way to learn more about them too!)
3) Experiment going into new social situations and using the questions to start conversations and build your confidence and sense of connection.

What helps you feel more socially comfortable and more connected?

In distressed relationships, anger, criticism, or shutdown often get labeled as the problem. From an attachment perspect...
02/03/2026

In distressed relationships, anger, criticism, or shutdown often get labeled as the problem. From an attachment perspective, these behaviours are usually protests for connection, not signs of failure.

Behind the anger might be fear of losing closeness.
Behind the withdrawal might be fear of being overwhelmed or getting it wrong.

𝐓𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲:
Instead of asking, “Why are you like this?”
Ask, “What are you needing right now — closeness, reassurance, space, understanding?”

Responding to the underlying need can shift the entire interaction. When partners feel emotionally responded to, intensity often softens on its own.

✨Discover your relationship’s strengths (and what could use a little care) in the free Intro to Level Up Your Relationship course — https://communicatingwell.uteach.io/courses/free-intro-to-level-up-your-relationship (link in bio)

Many inner conflicts aren’t about unwillingness to change—they’re about not wanting to lose what once kept you safe. Par...
02/02/2026

Many inner conflicts aren’t about unwillingness to change—they’re about not wanting to lose what once kept you safe. Parts of us stay loyal to strategies that worked in the past, even when they no longer fit our present life. When we understand this, resistance stops being an obstacle and becomes meaningful information about what mattered—and still matters—inside.

What if your symptoms aren’t signs of something “wrong,” but evidence of something that once worked? From a coherence th...
01/30/2026

What if your symptoms aren’t signs of something “wrong,” but evidence of something that once worked? From a coherence therapy-oriented lens, many symptoms are intelligent solutions your nervous system created in response to real experiences. Anxiety, shutdown, hypervigilance, people-pleasing—these often made sense at the time they formed. The problem isn’t the strategy itself, but that it’s still running long after the original danger has passed.

Healing doesn’t begin by fighting symptoms. It begins by listening for the emotional logic underneath them. When we understand why a symptom exists, the nervous system no longer has to defend it so fiercely.

𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭:
Think of a recurring symptom. Instead of asking “How do I get rid of this?” try asking:
“What might this be protecting me from?”
Notice what arises—images, words, sensations. No fixing required.

We often try to push irritation away — to be “nicer,” more patient, or more spiritual. But feelings like annoyance, frus...
01/29/2026

We often try to push irritation away — to be “nicer,” more patient, or more spiritual. But feelings like annoyance, frustration, or impatience aren’t signs that something’s wrong with us; they’re messengers. They can point to boundaries that need tending, needs that haven’t been met, or energy that wants movement.

In therapy, we practice getting curious instead of critical. What if irritation isn’t the problem, but the signal? When we listen closely, we may find it’s our inner self saying, “Something here doesn’t feel right for me.”

Learning to meet even the prickly emotions with compassion helps us build trust in our own inner guidance — and that’s where real change begins.

Most conflict in relationships isn’t about the issue itself — it’s about how the conversation begins. When a conversatio...
01/27/2026

Most conflict in relationships isn’t about the issue itself — it’s about how the conversation begins. When a conversation starts with criticism, blame, or intensity, the nervous system often hears danger, not information.

𝐓𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭:
Before bringing something up, pause and ask yourself, “What am I really feeling, and what do I need?” And check in with your partner if they have time and bandwidth for a conversation. Then begin with:

“I feel…”
“I need…”
“This matters to me, and so do you.”

A softer start-up reduces defensiveness and increases the chance that your partner can actually hear you. Notice how their body language, tone, and openness shift when the conversation begins with safety rather than accusation.

Photo / Graphic Idea:
Two mugs of tea facing each other
Text overlay: “How you start matters.”

✨Discover your relationship’s strengths (and what could use a little care) in the free Intro to Level Up Your Relationship course — https://communicatingwell.uteach.io/courses/free-intro-to-level-up-your-relationship (link in bio)

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
01/26/2026

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

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Creating Conscious Connection

Part of communicating well is learning to understand our own inner landscape - our thoughts, emotions, body sensations and reactions. By increasing this self-awareness, we are more able to engage in conscious connection. This conscious connection allows for more compassionate communication with both ourselves and others.

Make sure to ‘Like’ my page and select ‘Follow’ so you are the first to know about free trainings, programs and resources that I launch (these buttons are located below the banner picture).

Also please ‘Share’ my page with anyone you know who is interested in learning to build and nurture their inner relationship with themselves or external relationship with others.

Take care, Jill