Maria Drohan Counselling, Thunder Bay, ON (2026)

04/27/2023

Let’s talk about communication — particularly bringing up problems with a partner. Defensiveness and contempt are detrimental to relationships… so how can these reactions be successfully avoided during conversations? 👇🏼

As explained by John Gottman, PhD, from The Gottman Institute, a *soft startup* sets a positive tone for the conversation. By starting a conversation calmly and respectfully, you and your partner are more likely to focus on the problem, rather than who’s at fault.

Here’s how to practice soft startups in your conversations…

1. Save the conversation for a calm moment. Wait for a time when you and your partner are alone, without distractions or interruptions, and make sure you’re both relaxed, and not tired, hungry, or stressed.

2. Use gentle body language and tone of voice. Take an attitude of teamwork and problem-solving, rather than arguing or blaming (it’s you two against the problem — not each other!). Try to speak calmly (without raising your voice), and avoid hurtful body language (e.g., eye rolling, scowling, or mocking).

3. Use “I” statements to express how you feel. Focus on how a problem is affecting you, rather than assigning blame (e.g., “I feel [emotion] when [situation]”).

4. Describe the problem clearly. Discuss only one problem at a time, and be specific. Broad complaints like “the house is a mess” may be misunderstood, and don’t convey a clear desired outcome.

5. Be respectful. Always try to make a polite request, rather than a demand. Thank your partner for listening and addressing a problem (e.g., could you please…”, “thank you for…”, “I would appreciate if…).

Couples counselling is a great place to begin your journey toward healthier conflict resolution. Having a therapist there to model healthy behaviours and guide your (sometimes heated) discussions can help to ensure that each person is being heard, understood, and respected.

With practice (both in and out of sessions), this healthy communication technique can replace old, unhelpful habits, and ultimately strengthen your relationship. ❤️

Head to mariadrohan.com (link in bio) to book your virtual session.

04/26/2023

Grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss, and it also serves an important purpose. If you’re experiencing grief after the loss of a loved one, here are some things to keep in mind throughout the process.

1. Grief hurts, but it can be helpful. While the process of grieving often involves sadness, anger, loneliness, and other painful emotions… it can help you come to terms with loss and move forward in life, while still cherishing memories of your loved one.

2. Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is yours and yours alone. Some people need to express their grief, while others prefer to process in silence. Some feel anger, while others feel sadness, numbness, or relief. Everyone has different reactions to loss, and different needs during the grieving process.

3. Grief does not have a set time frame. Grief can last for weeks, months, or years. It may come and go around holidays, anniversaries, and major life events, or it might always be in the background. However, grief does tend to lessen in intensity over time.

4. Although grief will improve over time for most, this isn’t always the case. When grief is especially debilitating or long-lasting, support groups, psychotherapy, and other resources may be beneficial (P.S., treatment for grief is one of my specialties!).

5. Not everyone experiences significant distress. About 1 in 3 people respond to a loss with resilience or relief. Feeling this way does not mean that you don’t care, or that you love the person any less. Nor does it mean that your grief is unfinished, or that you have a problem.

6. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. You can continue to live your life, have new experiences, and form new relationships, while continuing to love the person you lost. The goal of grieving isn’t to forget, but rather to figure out how you would like to remember, while moving forward. 🕊️

Remember: my (virtual) door is always open for anyone who could use some help processing their grief.

Head to www.mariadrohan.com to book your session. I’m here for you. 🧡

04/24/2023

As a follow-up to our last post, here are some tips to get you started on your stress management journey. 💕

1. Remember that stress isn’t always a bad thing — it can motivate us to work toward solving our problems. Try to reframe your thoughts to view stress as an acceptable emotion that *can be managed.*
2. Talk or write about your problems. Journalling or talking with loved ones or a therapist can release hormones in your body that reduce the negative feelings associated with stress.
3. Prioritize your responsibilities. Focus on completing your easiest/quickest tasks first — this will free up your mind to focus on larger responsibilities.
4. Focus on the basics. Stress can cause basic needs to become neglected, which in turns leads to more stress. Be sure to eat well, maintain a healthy sleep schedule, move your body regularly, and practice self-care.
5. Balance your time and energy. Don’t become too consumed in just one area of your life — share your time and energy between several areas (e.g., family, career, friendships, personal hobbies).
6. Set aside time for yourself. Try to relax and have fun *every single day*, without interruptions. You don’t need to earn rest.
7. Keep things in perspective. Think about your current stressors in a broader context: will they matter in a week? a month? a year? Remember that in the heat of the moment, little things can feel worse and bigger than they really are.
8. Try psychotherapy. A therapist can provide support with all of the above, and help you challenge any cognitive distortions that may be keeping you stuck in stress-mode. 🌸

Head to www.mariadrohan.com to book your virtual session, anywhere in Ontario.

04/24/2023

Let’s talk about stress. ⚡️

While a small amount of stress can be motivating, too much or chronic stress can make even small tasks feel daunting.

Being able to successfully deal with and protect against stress is crucial — without this skill, burnout and overwhelm would be unavoidable.

The first step in managing stress is exploring and understanding your stressors.

Consider:
— What are some common annoyances or strains on your daily life that you find *most* stressful? (e.g., traffic, chores, work problems, lack of sleep, homework, limited free time, argument with partner, etc.)
— Are there any important events (both positive and negative) that require a significant adjustment? (e.g., birth of a child, separation or divorce, new job, death of a loved one, moving, major illness / injury, etc.)
— What are some permanent or long-term circumstances that make your life more difficult? (e.g., financial problems, disability, chronic illness, conflictual relationships, values that conflict with culture, discrimination, job dissatification, living somewhere unsafe, etc.)

Next, try to think of and describe some things in your life that counteract stress.
💛 What are some enjoyable daily experiences that make you happy? (e.g., eating a good meal, spending time with friends, leisure activities, spending time in nature, etc.)
💛 What are some actions (aka coping skills) that help to reduce or manage stress? (e.g., exercise, talking about problems, self-care, journaling, relaxation techniques, etc.)
💛 What are some of your positive individual characteristics or life circumstances that help to protect you from stress? (e.g., financial stability, good physical health, supportive family, motivation to succeed, education, etc.)

Psychotherapy can be extremely beneficial in helping you manage and recover from chronic stress. Counselling can help you develop more resilience and determine the areas in your life that need the most support, and talk therapy itself is an effective coping mechanism against stress.

Ready to start feeling better? Head to www.mariadrohan.com to book your virtual session. 🌸

04/21/2023

It’s okay to take life one day (or moment, or hour, or minute) at a time. Remember that how you feel is *always* temporary, and your pace as you navigate through life (and growth and recovery and healing) is a good pace, no matter what it looks like to anyone else.

Every step you take is a step in the right direction — even if it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress, you are. Give yourself grace during the low moments, and a big hug during the highs.

No matter what, I’m proud of you. 💛

04/20/2023

(tw: trauma)

After a trauma, it’s common to experience flashbacks, anxiety, and other uncomfortable symptoms whenever you think of the trauma (or something reminds you of it).

Grounding techniques can help you gain control by turning your attention away from the thoughts, memories, or worries, and refocusing your awareness on the present moment and grounding yourself back into your body.

One simple grounding exercise that you can try anytime and anywhere is the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique.

With this technique, you will purposefully take in the details of your environment using each of your senses.

First, start to hone in on your surroundings and any sensations in your body, and take a few deep breaths. Then… consider:

👁 What are 5 things you can see? Look for small details such as a pattern on the ceiling, or an object you never noticed.
✋🏻What are 4 things you can feel? Notice the sensation of clothing on your body, the sun on your skin, or the feeling of the chair you are sitting in. Pick up an object and examine its physical qualities.
👂🏼What are 3 things you can hear? Pay special attention to the sounds your mind has tuned out, such as a ticking clock, distant traffic, or trees blowing in the wind.
👃🏽What are 2 things you can smell? Try to notice smells in the air around you, like an air freshener or freshly mowed grass.
👄 What is 1 thing you can taste? It may be useful to carry gum, candy, or small snacks for this step. Pop one in your mouth whenever needed and focus your attention closely on the flavours.

A psychotherapist can help you develop a customized coping toolkit that you can use as a resource whenever you start to feel anxious or triggered following a trauma.

Head to www.mariadrohan.com (for anyone living in Ontario) to book your virtual session. 💕

04/19/2023

Self-care simply means taking time out of your day to do things you enjoy, just because you enjoy them.

Self-care also refers to taking good care of yourself (e.g., eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, caring for personal hygiene, and anything else that maintains good health).

Here are some tips from a therapist that can help you create and maintain your own self-care practice. 🌸

1. Make self-care a priority. There will always be other things to do, but self-care should be given the same importance as other
responsibilities.
2. Set specific self-care goals. It’s difficult to follow through with vague goals, such as “I will take more
time for self-care”. Instead, try something specific, such as “I will walk for 30 minutes every evening
after dinner”.
3. Make self-care a habit. Choose activities that you can do often, and
that you will stick with.
4. Set boundaries to protect your self-care. You don’t need a major obligation to say “no” to others — your self-care is reason enough. Remind yourself that your needs are as important as anyone else’s.
5. A few minutes of self-care is better than no self-care. Set an alarm reminding you to take regular
breaks, even if it’s just a walk around the block, or an uninterrupted snack.
6. Keep up with self-care, even when you’re feeling good (because doing so will keep you in a healthy routine). Plus, self-care will likely be part of the reason why you’re feeling good!

When used consistently, self-care can reduce stress, relieve uncomfortable emotions, and improve physical health.

A psychotherapist can support you in developing a customized self-care plan and working towards meeting your self-care and wellness goals — and counselling sessions themselves certainly count as a self-care activity!

As long as you’re located in Ontario, head to www.mariadrohan.com to book your virtual session. 💕

04/17/2023

During (most) difficult situations (that do not involve trauma, abuse, or grief), there are typically two options: dwell on the negative or look for the positive. 💭

Research shows that being able to find the silver linings of challenging situations can help you become happier and more optimistic. Like all things that we learn, the more you practice finding silver linings, the easier it will get (tip: a psychotherapist can help you master this skill!).

Here are some things you can do now to start training yourself to find the positive in the situations you experience:

✨ First, list five things that make life enjoyable or worthwhile (these can be as general as “good health” or as specific as “the feeling of sunshine on my skin” — either way, this will help you get into a positive mindset)!
✨ Next, think of a recent difficult situation or time something just did not go your way (this can be anything that made you feel upset, frustrated, or annoyed).
✨ Finally, reflect on and describe some silver linings of the difficult situation from the previous step (e.g., you learned a valuable lesson, you made a new friend, you set a boundary, you chose yourself, you protected your peace).

Keep practicing this exercise to continue getting better at finding silver linings (and possibly even experience the benefits of decreased depression, improved ability to cope with stress, and increased relationship satisfaction). ❤️

For one-on-one support with your mental health, head to www.mariadrohan.com to book a virtual session, or to learn more about how psychotherapy can support you in becoming your best self.

04/14/2023

All the things (aka strengths!) you need in order to thrive in this world are already inside of you—you just need to recognize and access them.

As a follow-up to our last post (be sure to read the caption, if you haven’t yet!), here is a non-exhaustive list of strengths that may help you to identify yours:

Wisdom
Artistic Ability
Curiosity
Leadership
Empathy
Honesty
Open Mindedness
Persistence
Enthusiasm
Kindness
Love
Social Awareness
Fairness
Bravery
Cooperation
Forgiveness
Modesty
Common Sense
Self-Control
Patience
Gratitude
Love of Learning
Humor
Spirituality
Ambition
Creativity
Confidence
Intelligence
Athleticism
Discipline
Assertiveness
Logic
Optimism
Independence
Flexibility
Adventurousness

Remember: according to psychology, a person who uses their strengths tends to feel more energized and typically has higher levels of self-esteem and a greater well-being.

If you’re unaware of your many strengths and how they can support you in living an abundant and joyful life, psychotherapy can help. ❤️

Head to www.mariadrohan.com to book online or learn more.

04/14/2023

Research in positive psychology has shown that people who know their strengths (and use them often!) tend to feel happier, have better self-esteem, and are more likely to accomplish their goals.

To use your strengths effectively, however, it’s important to first have a clear idea of what they are and how they can be used to benefit you!

Take a moment now to ask yourself (some or all of) the following questions…

🌸What are you good at?
🌸 What do you enjoy doing?
🌸 In what areas of your life have you been most successful?
🌸 What sort of activities fill you with energy?
🌸 What is the best experience you remember having?
🌸 What makes a day really good for you?
🌸 When do you feel you were at your best during the past week?
🌸 What are your goals for the future?
🌸 What traits do you admire in other people?

The answers to these questions should reveal some strengths you may not have even realized you possess (tip: a psychotherapist can help point them out!).

By becoming more aware of, developing, and actually *using* your (many) strengths, you will be better equipped to create positive changes in your life.

You may even realize that you are doing better than you thought you were. 💕

04/13/2023

Reminder: The little things in life are often the things that matter most. 🌸

Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, overcome with stress and anxiety, or like life is just a to-do list… take a pause.

Reconnect with your breath and your body.
Step out into nature and feel the sun on your skin.
Visit with your loved ones—hug, laugh, play.

Try to take yourself off autopilot, and remember that this life is yours to enjoy—not to simply get through.

P.S. 1:1 psychotherapy can support you immensely on your well-being journey. Head to mariadrohan.com to book/learn more. 💛

04/12/2023

In case you needed to hear this today: everything is okay. take a deep breath in. you have time. you don’t have to worry.

💛

P.S. my schedule is open to anyone living in Ontario who is interested in virtual individual or couples counselling. I specialize in , , , , , and more.

head to mariadrohan.com to book online or learn more. 🌷

Maria Drohan Counselling

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