07/20/2025
About a month ago, I had a medication adjustment. Anyone that knows me knows I have lived with mental illness all my life, and anyone who has MH issues, knows how hard it can be to find the right fit for medication. It's been decades of battles for me with medical professionals.
That's the medical model, the system in place where medical professionals don't work with you, they dont meet you at your level, or where you are at. You often have to fight with them, to be heard, and to get what you feel you need.
Oftentimes you are viewed as your diagnosis. Like 'I am bipolar' as opposed to I have bipolar. Medical professionals often see the diagnosis and not the person.
The last 10 years has been rife with changes. I eliminated psychiatry, replaced it with a more holistic decision. Selected a social worker dynamic to help me, partially because I am one, and know what the mindset and training that goes into being one. But mostly that you can't prescribe pills, you can't rely on that as the main or only model of support.
Don't get me wrong, I need meds and will be on meds until I die. But I use a family doctor for the basics. To treat my ptsd and adhd. Everything else is talk therapy, mind and body mechanics. Thinking, leading to action, and thinking about my actions. Hello, cognitive behavioural therapy!!
The last 2 months I finally convinced my doctor to make a medication adjustment, one which balances and compliments my mind and body mechanics.
I had medications that were too overpowering, and sedating. I would need to sleep 12 to 14 hours a day, which infringed on my productivity when I was awake. Couldn't function in the mornings, I was running at 60% capacity, and it drained on my mental health, lots of depression, knowing I can be more. Not to mention, the extraneous weight gain. I didn't know what was worse, being sad I was fat, or not caring that I was sad?
For the last month, I wake up at 7am, with no alarm. Fresh, and ready to go.
It's strange if I am being honest.
By 1030 this morning, I wrote a report, made a bunch of calls that I had been putting off because of the depression. Had an apartment building meeting with some of my fellow neighbors.
But the strangest thing is that my appetite has returned. I usually eat dinner around 8pm and that is it. Not because I am hungry, but that I know I should. It's amazing, the fat battle, 1 meal a day and being 220lbs.
But today, I made a full breakast/lunch meal at 1045 because I was hungry.
I haven't eaten food earlier than 1pm in over 15 years.
But for today, and hopefully going foreard I continue to be incredibly productive, focused, what is colloquially as a regular working person, yay functionality!!!
I will leave for the gym around noon. Having done anything before noon was a non factor before.
Things finally are clearer, the fog from meds and depression is clearing.
Better late than never tho lol.
