The POC Therapist

The POC Therapist .poc.therapist
• CEO

On this page, I will be sharing some information, tools, and tidbits from my psychotherapy work with the hopes of enhancing your wellness goals! I know what it feels like to be different and look different and my hope is that this page builds a community for all, especially for those who feel out of place.

My clients get SHOCKED, everytime we name things and I say .. hey? That’s uh.. abuse. That’s literally textbook abuse 👀 ...
12/26/2025

My clients get SHOCKED, everytime we name things and I say .. hey? That’s uh.. abuse. That’s literally textbook abuse 👀 .

For some reason .. we can say .. oh I’ve known toxic friendships BUT we NEVER name abuse in friendships. For whatever reason, it’s so easy for us to call a spade a spade in romantic relationships.

But hey? It happens in friendship too, and sometimes way worse because we tolerate it longer and ‘accept it more’

Newsletter where I speak moreeee to this | link in bio
For therapy support

12/26/2025

FRIENDSHIPS' BREAKUP, arguably TO ME, hurt more than romantic ones. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN: Friendship breakups hurt, and they hurt BAD.

But sometimes, they have to happen. Because we grow, we change, our needs become different, and who we become doesn’t always serve the community of friends we used to have.

Ugh, and the conversation of even having to have those conversations .. they suck too!

But we must remember; we owe it to ourselves and the friendship to have those tough conversations. Especially during the hours, it’s easier not to.

12/26/2025

FRIENDSHIPS ☝🏽 It is more than human to grow apart from people over time.

As you change, so does the community around you. This is a natural consequence of growth. Though I appreciate and love those friends I have had in my life for what feels like forever ♾ ; I also acknowledge those friends that hadn’t lasted as long or made it to this point.

Things change, people change, and so does the needs of our life 🤷🏽‍♀️ .

As a clinician, I’ll see in therapy how clients grieve friendships in a way more heartbreaking than romantic relationships 🥺. So much of this is because we never assume our friendships can also have breakups or experience gradual shifts apart.

In the same way, people develop and evolve; friendships and platonic relationships do too✨. And as cliche, as it may sound, it is okay. It is normal. This pain is expected. This sadness and this grief are normal. Just as we hold space to grieve the romantic relationships and what we had hoped, I hope you extend that same compassion to grieve wat you had also expected from your friendship breakups.

12/25/2025

A friend of mine always says, “there’s no such thing as a bad day, just a day with bad moments☝🏽.” I can’t explain it exactly, but every time I remind myself of this, I feel this sense of calm and ease.

It’s to remember:

⭐️ perspective can change everything.
🌙 you are allowed to feel what you’re going through.
⚡️but feelings are precisely that.
✨they move through us and should do that - come and go.

Granted, of course, some things we go through require more energy and more time but - I guess what I’m trying to say is: it is possible that you can have an okay day and that your day can turn around at any point, despite the day having some difficulties in between 🥰.

12/25/2025

If your partner matters to you, then so does the protect of their boundaries.

Marriage will test you. It’ll push you because you have to choose your person, every day you’re with them.

It looks like accepting a boundary that may not make sense to you or providing them support to protect those boundaries, especially with people such as your family.

We often forget sometimes that boundaries are not personal. Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being because, without limitations, we function from places of depletion, burnt-out, and exhaustion, and I know you get the picture.

When we respect our partner’s boundaries, we show them that we care about their needs and are willing to work together to create a safe and loving environment in our relationship. We do better when we’re not functioning from a place of people-pleasing.

People pleasing builds resentment and denies the relationship being sincere and honest. Instead creates one rooted in fear and worry.

12/25/2025

Childhood trauma, let’s talk about it.

Okay, so we both can agree that social media makes us all feel as though we are experts in mental health language.

When it comes to trauma - it doesn’t ever go away. I know so many folks who will argue in these spaces to say:

+ heal your trauma, and it’ll go away.
+ all you have to do to get rid of your trauma is x y z
+ follow these steps, and trauma can be healed and gone.

No. Wrong. Trauma doesn’t go away. What happens is its power over you lessens as you heal. But even still with that, there can be instances that you hadn’t accounted for, called “life happens,” where you can be triggered again, but then through the healing work you’ve done, you’ll learn how to bounce back quicker, or you’ll know what is happening and why it’s happening.

12/25/2025

It sucks when your companies gaslight you, and tell you that your community isn’t deserving of humanity. They further isolate you, they instil fear in you.

Fear isn’t enough to silence us. We can be scared and we can do difficult things. This is how change happens. Remember, you have a voice, and your voice matters.

I’m gonna say this one more time- nothing is wrong with you. Look at the world right now, and how people are reacting/not reacting to a genocide. That’s what’s wrong.

12/24/2025

🙅🏽‍♀️ FIRST DATE ABSOLUTELY NOT’S! 🙅🏽‍♀️

Remember, a first date is just to see if your core values align, if they’re someone who you enjoy conversation with, and to gauge when in their company how you feel introspectively speaking!

The talking stage ( beginning stages of a relationship ) can become overwhelming because we don’t pace ourselves.

We go in with all our cards thinking EVERYTHING needs to be laid down. But no ☝🏽 not everything needs to be shared or said. Especially on a first date!

I didn’t want to make this 🤷🏽‍♀️ , but here goes anyways: I thought believing in myself would change everything. I did. ...
12/24/2025

I didn’t want to make this 🤷🏽‍♀️ , but here goes anyways: I thought believing in myself would change everything. I did.

Instead, 2025 taught me that grief doesn’t mean you failed, despite how much it sucks and hurts, grief of what you thought,m could have been just reminds you, hey you’re human.

I want to be honest. No big wins. No comeback story. Just learning to let go, while sharing with all of you what I learn, as I learn how to stay soft, and trust God without a plan.

That’s it. That’s what I’m carrying into 2026.

( I’ll be sharing WAY longer version of this via my newsletter, hurry and subscribe so you don’t miss thaaaaat one ☝🏾! Link in bio!!! )

12/24/2025

I already can feel it; I will get a lot of heat for this. 🫢

I never shy away from calling out our community and the things we need to improve ☝🏽.

From a clinical perspective, having boundaries with your parents is crucial in any relationship. It shows your partner that you are willing to prioritize the relationship and respect their wishes. It also sets a clear expectation for how involved their parents can be in their lives together.

More often than not, people forget that they have to honour their new roles as spouses when they marry someone. You cannot be both, the child living at your parent’s house under your parents’ rule while also benefiting from the perks of marriage, without the accountability of recognizing the rights your spouse has on you, and it looks like knowing when why and how to set appropriate and respectful boundaries.

Without boundaries, parents can easily overstep and cause unnecessary stress and conflict in the relationship. Remember, a strong and healthy relationship requires mutual respect and understanding, and setting boundaries is essential.

💄: x x x
👚:
🧕🏾: x
🧼:

12/24/2025

Some people are gonna get upset with this. But hey, it’s not the first time. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Marriage is not for the faint ☝🏽. It’s not. Preparing for it requires knowing how to advocate for yourself without guilt and shame and how to protect your core values, especially with loved ones whose core values are different from yours.

Playing small and forgetting who you are doesn’t add to your marriage; it takes away from it. You position your marriage or relationship to imbalance when only one person’s needs/wants are met. Challenging this requires speaking up for your needs and desires, setting boundaries, and standing up for yourself respectfully and assertively. Your partner is not your enemy; they are, however, a person with their dreams, goals, needs and wants. You can’t be so busy with theirs that you forget yours. You must ensure your needs, wants, plans and objectives are met.

This allows you to maintain your own identity and sense of self-worth. Otherwise, you risk losing sight of who you are and what you want from life. This can lead to resentment, frustration, and even depression.

Furthermore, when you don’t advocate for yourself, you may inadvertently enable unhealthy patterns in your relationship. For example, suppose your partner consistently ignores your needs and desires, but you continue to go along with their wishes. In that case, you are permitting them to continue this behaviour. This can lead to a power imbalance in the relationship and ultimately erode the trust and intimacy essential to a healthy marriage.

On the other hand, when you advocate for yourself in a marriage, you demonstrate to your partner that you are a valuable and equal partner in the relationship. You are setting a tone of mutual respect and understanding, which can lead to a deeper and more fulfilling connection between you and your spouse.

12/24/2025

As a psychotherapist, I have seen many cases where sexual intimacy becomes a source of relationship conflict. Many of the reasons for this are people do not feel safe or comfortable speaking up. Then again, who taught us what that advocacy even looks like growing up?

Much of the conflict begins when one person’s needs are prioritized over the other. This, of course, can lead to resentment, frustration, and, ultimately, a breakdown in the relationship.

Often, people forget that there are both collective and individual needs that require being met in relationships. When both partners work together to meet each other’s needs, sexual intimacy can be a powerful tool for building intimacy and trust. However, this isn’t made overnight and requires open communication, a willingness to compromise, and a commitment to the relationship.

When both partners are invested in each other’s pleasure and satisfaction, they are more likely to explore new things, try new positions, and find ways to make the experience enjoyable. This leads to better barrier of intimacies being tapped into and a stronger emotional connection.

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