https://www.talktherapywithvera.com/

Talk Therapy with Vera, Virtual Office, Toronto, ON (2026)

12/16/2025

When a sibling steps away from the family, it brings up a kind of grief we’re not taught to name, especially in Asian families where unity and “sticking together” may be held tightly.

If you’re the one still in contact, still navigating the expectations, still trying to understand both sides… it’s easy to feel stuck in the middle. Torn between loyalty and compassion. Between what you were taught and what you now know.

You can love your sibling without agreeing with their choices.
You can respect your parents without carrying their grief.
You can hold nuance without holding everyone’s pain.

If you’re walking this path, you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to hold it all by yourself.

I’m here to process with you. Book a free consultation anytime, and let’s talk..

12/11/2025

Hot take: Thriving is not as effortful as it seems.

You don’t need to reinvent the wheel every time. You often have what you need to know how thriving feels.

Think back to the tools, practices, or supports that once helped you feel grounded, connected, or hopeful.
It could be slowing down.
It could be reaching out.
Maybe it could be movement, creativity, rest, or gentleness.

These tools did not stop working.
Sometimes we forget to reach for them.

Being stuck in the past keeps you reliving old pain.
Being stuck in the future keeps you bracing for things that have not happened.
Both take you out of the only moment where change and clarity can actually happen.

Thriving is not about massive transformation.
It is about returning to what steadies you, choosing presence over control, and letting yourself move through this season one grounded moment at a time.

You already have tools that have helped you before.
You can trust yourself to use them again.

A therapist can be the witness you need to see yourself clearly. We were never meant to grow alone. Book a free call and let’s talk!

12/10/2025

Navigating being a son or daughter of immigrants or even being an immigrant yourself comes with its own set of nuances and complexities.

And it's seldom discussed how tiring and demoralizing it can be to be in relationships that keep repeating the same patterns of friction.

In therapy, we talk about reframing but also about resourcing yourself throughout the healing process.

This can look like working through grief, stuck feelings, regret, shame, fear, stories we tell ourselves, naming truths and realities, and allowing ourselves to accept reality.

It’s messy, non-linear and can be frustrating.

Healing can be messy and painful, yet gratifying, sustainable and quietly changing us. Book a free consultation to learn more and see if therapy is right for you!

12/03/2025

There’s a big difference between being kind and being nice, especially for those of us who grew up in families where keeping the peace was a form of survival.

Niceness is about pleasing others.

It often looks like sugarcoating, agreeing to things you don’t want, or holding back what’s true for you because you’re afraid of disappointing someone. Sometimes this is needed (especially around big family gatherings during the holidays…👀)

Niceness keeps things smooth on the surface…but it comes at the cost of your own needs.

Kindness, on the other hand, is grounded in honesty.
It’s genuine.
It’s truthful.
It cares about the relationship enough to be real, even if that's a little uncomfortable.

Kindness says: “I respect you enough to tell you the truth, and I respect myself enough to honour what I feel.”

Growing up, many of us were taught that “nice” was the same as “good.”
Nice meant obedient, conflict-free, self-sacrificing.
But niceness often requires you to shrink, over-function, or silence your inner voice.

Kindness doesn’t demand that.
Kindness makes space for boundaries.
It allows complexity.
It recognizes that care without truth isn’t care, it’s performance.

Kindness is also developed through genuine relationships. This can vary from person to person and depends on their level of safety.

During these end-of-year gatherings, take the time to reflect on who feels safe to process life with.

Looking for therapy support this season? Book a free consultation with our team to learn more!

12/01/2025

If you grew up in an immigrant family, you probably learned very early that “roles” weren’t just roles, they were survival strategies. (see the previous posts on IFS- Internal Family Systems).

Now as an adult, you might still be carrying those patterns even when they no longer fit who you are.

For the eldest daughter/son:
That sense of “I have to take care of everyone” didn’t come from nowhere. You became the organizer, the translator, the emotional buffer. And sometimes it still feels like everything will fall apart if you step back.

For the middle child:
Being “in between” meant you were constantly mediating… supporting your parents, soothing your siblings, and absorbing the pressure from both sides—no wonder you feel stretched thin.

For the youngest:
The pressure to follow your older siblings’ path or not add more stress to the family can be heavy. It makes sense if you’re tired of proving yourself.

For the only child:
When you’re the “one and only,” it can feel like the entire family depends on you. Chasing your own goals may bring guilt, even if you know you deserve a life that’s yours.

Here’s what I want you to remember:

These roles were shaped by context, not by your worth.
You were a child doing your best in a family trying to survive.
And now, as an adult, you get to ask:
“What do I need? What do I want? And how can I make room for myself without abandoning my family or myself?”

Your responsibility does not erase your right to rest, grow, or change.
You’re allowed to choose a life that supports you, too.

11/28/2025

There’s no right or wrong way to navigate this. A sore wound can be just that - something that is sore but may fade in intensity as time goes by.

That said, there is a specific type of grief in seeing a parent you once knew in a certain way, embark on a different path than you imagined.

Whatever you choose, distance, limited contact, cautious connection,
you’re allowed to choose what protects your heart.

And you don’t have to decide all at once.

11/25/2025

This is a season to bring in more compassion than judgment.
More noticing than pushing.
More softness than self-critique.

It’s okay to feel low.
It’s okay not to feel motivated.
It’s okay if you’re moving slower.

This can also be the season to let “housekeeping” be whatever you need it to be. Perhaps it's in the daily naps, listening to your body more and giving it what it needs, cleaning the house or your space, journaling, watching a movie, getting to that project you needed more time to do, etc.

Be still and listen to what your world needs.

11/21/2025

Looking for a more affordable therapy rate? Now is your chance!

Meet Taylor Hart, our student therapist, who is an MSW candidate.

As a racialized adoptee, her personal experiences have shaped her deep understanding of identity, resilience, and mental health. Taylor takes a compassionate, client-centred approach, drawing on both her education and lived experience to support others in their journey toward healing, growth, and empowerment.

Book a free consultation with us to learn more!

11/17/2025

It’s these small, steady moments that remind me: I don’t have to be productive to deserve peace.

I’ve been using box breathing a lot lately, and it’s been such a small but steady lifesaver for my anxiety.

I grew up always doing, always anticipating, always trying to stay one step ahead. My nervous system got really good at being on high alert.

Box breathing: just four simple counts to inhale, hold, exhale, hold
It gives me a way to press pause. It tells my body, you’re safe right now.

It doesn’t make anxiety disappear, but it helps me slow down enough to notice what’s happening instead of spiraling. Sometimes I do it between sessions, or while waiting for my tea to steep.

11/14/2025

People-pleasing often begins as a way to feel safe, loved, or worthy, especially when love or approval once felt uncertain.

For many children of immigrants, conflict is tied to rejection or the fear of not being enough. Over time, this can lead to carrying everyone’s expectations, even at the expense of our own needs.

It’s a slippery slope, and it's sometimes hard to be aware of.

Pausing to notice the fears underneath the “yes” creates space to ask: Whose approval am I really seeking?

And what might shift if I allowed my own needs to matter, too? 🌱

11/13/2025

When your mind starts spiraling into worrying, predicting, and overanalyzing, the STOP method can help you pause before you drown in the “what ifs.”

S – Stop. Literally pause.
T – Take a breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth.
O – Observe. What’s happening in your body? What story is your mind telling?
P – Proceed. Choose your next step with awareness, not fear.

As a therapist (and someone who knows what it’s like to grow up with constant pressure to “be prepared for anything”), I love this tool because it interrupts the survival mode so many children of immigrants live in.

It helps you create space between you and your thoughts.

11/11/2025

Sometimes the most challenging part of healing isn’t the pain itself, it’s realizing the people who caused it may never understand it the way you need them to. It’s the grief of what could be.

As children of immigrants, we often carry this quiet hope: that one day, our parents will see us, hear us, and love us the way we’ve longed for.

When you accept that your parents may never change in the way you want, you begin to release yourself from waiting for a moment that may never come.
That’s when your healing starts to belong to you.

You can’t control how they show up.
But you can control how you choose to care for yourself, how you protect your peace, and how you reparent the parts of you still hoping to be chosen.

Talk Therapy with Vera

12/16/2025

12/11/2025

12/10/2025

12/03/2025

12/01/2025

11/28/2025

11/25/2025

11/21/2025

11/17/2025

11/14/2025

11/13/2025

11/11/2025

Address

Telephone

Website

Alerts

Shortcuts

Share

Category