Stern Therapy

06/10/2023

06/10/2023

So appreciated the workshop offered by the Toronto Institute for Group studies yesterday! "Building Group Therapists' Responsiveness to Micro-Aggressions" by Dr. Aziza Belcher-Platt and Dr. Noelle Lefforge. A lot of generosity and wisdom was shared.

Some points that stuck with me

- It's a gift to point out to someone they have committed a microaggression, because it means you care about the relationship.

- Race is the not the problem, racism is.

- Therapists need to expand their window of tolerance so that we can go towards these ruptures when they happen, rather than avoid them.

- Privilege is a tool, the more you have, the more you need to use it to cultivate equality.

- Never stop learning, find regular ways to increase knowledge about cultures or identities different from your own.

03/02/2019

Please check out Life Support podcast with Montana Skurka, integrative Wellness educator. We discuss relational healing and the connection between mental health and chronic illness. You can find it on iTunes podcast app or on her website below.

This episode features a conversation I had with my friend and relational psychotherapist (qualifying), Aaron Stern . The idea of this podcast arose out of conversations I have been having with Aaron and others over the last several months around ways to reduce the shame and stigma of facing mental

11/12/2018

One of the most common and pernicious things I encounter with clients is perfectionism. Often, those who have perfectionist tendencies will start therapy and almost instantly feel bad that they "don't know how to do it properly". They are constantly evaluating their 'performance', and often feel they are coming up short because of some personal deficiency. In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown talks about perfectionism as a form of shame. The article below outlines the negative impacts of perfectionism, particularly for millennials and how it differs from what some call 'healthy striving'. It also encourages people to seek help sooner than later. What is your relationship to perfectionism?

So many millennials are suffering from the ills of perfectionism that psychologists are issuing warnings and schools are emphasizing the need to both strive and accept failure.

11/06/2018

On November 28, 6-9pm, I'll be teaming up with Registered Psychotherapist Sean Meggeson, www.seanmeggeson.com for a parenting workshop for those with teens and young adults looking to improve communication, reduce conflict and encourage growth. This workshop will be a combination of lecturing, role-play and interactive discussions. Please share with anyone you think may be interested. Only a couple spots left!!

10/27/2018

Spent the day yesterday at Ester Perel's workshop called The State of Affairs: A New Clinical Approach to Infidelity. She challenges so many deeply held beliefs in our society about cheating. I was so inspired by her approach, use of humour and subversive ideas. Check out her TED talk to get an idea of what I'm talking about. https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en

10/04/2018

What triggers you at work? One of the phenomena that I see is how dysfunctional family systems can get reproduced at work. The micromanaging boss as the intrusive parent. The way shame is used to either scold a child’s report card or admonish you during your performance review. There are workplaces that are heavily avoidant. Where no one talks about what is really going on but everyone is expected to tow the party/family line that ‘everything is all good’. Others create an atmosphere of fear. Where obedience is the prized more then anything. Where you never know what version of your boss/parent you are going to get. Where there are favourites. Are you attracted to workplaces that mirror your earliest experiences, however functional they were? Or do you go the other way and find workplaces that differ entirely?

09/11/2018

Good Riddance Tropical Depression Gordon!! Comic by Gemma Correll. Gemmacorrell.com

09/04/2018

Here we are. Day 1 of back to school madness, such a mix of emotions at this time of year. For many people, it is the beginning of a new year with all the pressures and hopes that go along with that. I sometimes feel like a squirrel, running around gathering metaphorical nuts, yelling "WINTER IS COMING!!!!" I also feel a pressure to change. Change a behaviour, change a feeling, change how I feel about change. This pressure can often result in a kind of hyper-self evaluation as I ask myself, can I do it? This year I want to focus on letting go of things I no longer need. Instead of trying to 'fix' something within myself, to invite the parts of self that are weighing me down and ready to go to EXIT THE BUILDING. I challenge you to do the same.

08/15/2018

On my mind lately has been the idea of splitting. We are seeing it increasingly in our political discourse and it can be quite re-traumatizing. Especially if you grew up in a family in which splitting was the norm. In which parents made generalizations about their kids. Tommy was a 'good' kid and Jane was the 'troublemaker'. Splitting hurts so much because in trying to categorize others, we end up ignoring their complexity. This leaves everyone feeling unseen and when people feel unseen, they get angry and often lash out. This seems to be epidemic right now. The video below is talking directly about political discourse in the US but I wonder how it can be applied to other aspects of life as well. https://www.facebook.com/RBReich/videos/2083841821628403/