Dr. Dina Buttu, Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Dina Buttu, Clinical Psychologist Dr. Dina Buttu is a clinical and counselling psychologist. www.integrativepsychology.co

She is the founder and clinic director of Integrative Psychology Centre, a psychology practice offering holistic, culturally-safe, and inclusive psychotherapy services to clients across Ontario.

The word survival is used purposefully here. As infants, children, and young people, we are dependent on our families fo...
10/14/2020

The word survival is used purposefully here. As infants, children, and young people, we are dependent on our families for survival. The threat of abandonment is real and terrifying when you know you will not be okay without those you depend on. Hiding and keeping secrets are survival strategies when they work to keep you safe from abandonment and other frightening consequences that come with breaking the rules.

Living a double life can be conceptualized as traumatic given the level of stress, fear, and helplessness that can be ex...
10/08/2020

Living a double life can be conceptualized as traumatic given the level of stress, fear, and helplessness that can be experienced. These are the common symptoms that come with living in fear and compartmentalizing one’s identity in order to cope. It is no coincidence that these are also common trauma symptoms.

An individual who chooses to live a double life has learned that love is conditional. They have also learned that breaki...
10/07/2020

An individual who chooses to live a double life has learned that love is conditional. They have also learned that breaking the rules is threatening. The level of threat varies along a continuum depending on the threatened consequences of transgressing. Often fear is experienced on a day to day basis as a result of the attachment threat (and a host of other threats). Living a double life is a way to survive and cope in a situation where individuals lack power or control. Common psychological consequences are outlined here.

In a strict family, children often learn that there is no room for negotiation, and that their opinions, wants, and need...
10/03/2020

In a strict family, children often learn that there is no room for negotiation, and that their opinions, wants, and needs don’t matter. They become fearful of expressing themselves. Fear increases when expectations and honour codes are rigid and consequences for transgressing are extreme

Fear is a heavy burden to carry every minute of every day… “What if someone sees me wearing this?”“What if they find out...
09/30/2020

Fear is a heavy burden to carry every minute of every day…
“What if someone sees me wearing this?”
“What if they find out I am dating someone?”
“Am I going to get disowned?”
“What if someone my family knows sees me here?”

Facing one’s family directly and being transparent about one’s actions is not always a safe and viable option. Depending...
09/29/2020

Facing one’s family directly and being transparent about one’s actions is not always a safe and viable option. Depending on the dynamics at home, some individuals must resort to hiding and living a double life in order to both be true to themselves and maintain the connections they want and need.

The most frustrating thing to hear when one feels torn between authentic self-expression and meeting family/community ex...
09/24/2020

The most frustrating thing to hear when one feels torn between authentic self-expression and meeting family/community expectations is: “Why are you letting them control you?” or “Just be yourself, they will come around.”
It’s really not that simple. The threat of losing one’s family and community is often very real and emotionally traumatic. Let’s not minimize this. Let’s not shame people for ways in which they cope.

We all present different parts of ourselves in different parts of our lives. This is adaptive in many ways and makes sen...
09/23/2020

We all present different parts of ourselves in different parts of our lives. This is adaptive in many ways and makes sense. However, those of us who don’t feel safe enough to be our authentic selves may be forced to hide core parts of our identity in order to cope. These everyday masks start to look more extreme when there are negative consequences to getting caught and being seen. At home and in community, you may learn to behave in a way that will lead to the least conflict and minimize the risk of rejection. At school or work, you may present parts of you that you are unable to show at home. When there are extreme differences in these masks that we wear, it can lead to identity conflict - Who am I? What do I stand for? Working through this conflict is an important therapeutic goal when addressing difficulties with bicultural stress.

When you are faced with irreconcilable differences with family at home, sometimes the only way out is to keep some thing...
09/05/2020

When you are faced with irreconcilable differences with family at home, sometimes the only way out is to keep some things a secret. This strategy has both pros and cons. On one hand, you can be yourself by compartmentalizing. On the other hand, this is often stressful and takes it’s toll (e.g., feeling anxious, guilty, ashamed). More to come on this in future posts!

When rules and expectations about daily life (e.g., dating, dress, social activities, food) are different inside the hom...
09/05/2020

When rules and expectations about daily life (e.g., dating, dress, social activities, food) are different inside the home and outside of it, we must each introspect and decide on what works best for us while navigating any push back from family and/or society. This is often not an easy process. More to come on this integration process in future posts! ❤️

Experiences of racism and microaggressions plus all the pressure at home to maintain honor codes is often isolating and ...
09/05/2020

Experiences of racism and microaggressions plus all the pressure at home to maintain honor codes is often isolating and very stressful. It can make it hard to feel to feel a sense of belonging and can lead to identity confusion, anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other challenges.

We will be breaking this down further in future posts and talk about coping. Stay tuned!
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