https://www.facebook.com/578094152671548/

Sara Kassem, MSW, RSW, Toronto, ON (2026)

01/01/2022

We’ve become so conditioned to associate urgency with the activation of our fight or flight response and with the word “fast” (fear and shame are the biggest drivers of this panic to “fix”things right away to keep us safe). For those of us that grew up in hella chaotic households, we only ever could focus on the here and now of whatever issue got blown way out of proportion. Most of those issues that caused chaos were never supposed to cause the panic and activation that they did. But our caregivers had difficulty staying regulated through regular ups and downs of life. So our activation to daily life events became chronic. Even if your household wasn’t chaotic, if your family emphasized productivity or achievement, you would have a fear and shame response to resting, doing things for fun/no reason or doing what your heart desires. So the fear of abandonment and rejection for enjoying and easing into your life was the driver of productivity; was the driver of prioritizing productivity as urgent. We’re *supposed* to have nervous system activation when something needs immediate response. We’re not supposed to be as chronically activated as we are. It makes the act of prioritizing what’s important extremely difficult! But the truth is that the vast majority of life is actually a long game. Many of the things you feel frustrated about and driven to “fix” are not fixable overnight or even in a few months. I beg of you stop pushing yourself so hard. Slow down, take a deep breath. Have fun. Rest. Do the administrative pieces that don’t freak you out but would bring you peace of mind. I’m shifting my association of the word “urgent” to simply mean important. Things that are important to my heart. May your priorities be lead by your heart and not your nervous system.

05/06/2021

Life looks so different for all of us and in different measure during different parts of our lives. I think we’ve been conditioned to perceive passion and excitement being more a part of people’s lives than they actually are. It’s a lot of pressure to think all your affirmative decisions have to come with a celebration. I was reading a book by Parker Palmer lately that reminded me how valid and important the voice that says “I don’t know why but I can’t not do this” really is. And I find for me, the more decisions I make that assert my expansion; the more decisions I make that go against familial and social conditioning, the more shame floods my yes and makes it some murky soup that’s hard to decipher but musters a faint whisper to do it anyway. Take the pressure off your yeses Fam. Move where you can’t not and let that be enough. ❤️✌🏼

02/02/2021

Context matters. Circumstances change. To hold yourself to the same standards, same performance, same expectations despite the circumstances swirling around you is not kind. Do you do your regular workout when you have a terrible flu? I hope not! Things change. S**t happens. Everyday is different. One of the most important skills to have if we’re gonna make it out of this pandemic and this life, is to integrate new context in order to soften into compassion for ourselves and be flexible. This also applies to others. If your vision for what you expect of others is too narrow for context to get in, you run the risk of causing real harm to the people you love. What circumstances in your own or someone else’s life have you not factored in to your recent expectations?

01/13/2021

Hello and welcome to another edition of “The Healing Process is Nuanced AF!”. Not all that triggers us and makes our stomachs drop is bad! Some situations that feel terrible are opportunities to work through old s**t with new eyes, new awareness, new skills, new resources. Some other situations are so triggering it’s best to just cut and run. For me, being a Family Therapist was too triggering to my own childhood s**t and the best thing for me was to walk away. My life improved enormously after and continuing that work was not worth my suffering. Currently I’m living through another triggering situation that is so worth my time to work through to heal old wounds. How do we know the difference? Mainly the safety of the environment in which we find the trigger. Are you somewhere it’s safe to use your voice? Will you be heard? Are your needs honoured and attended to? Are your boundaries respected? If no, that is not a supportive space to work through much. I know we can’t always leave unsafe environments immediately but it does help when we can shift the responsibility away from thinking there’s something wrong with us and putting it rightfully back on the fact that the problem is in the environment. If it is safe, get out your journal and write through the discomfort. Move your body if you feel restless. As of right now, my daily journaling and walks are transforming my triggering situation into a healing situation!

12/25/2020

Thank you to for capturing so perfectly how this year has felt to me. I always want my clients to know how deeply blessed and inspired I am to walk beside them in this life, their healing paths, my own and the inevitable intersection of them all. It’s the honour of a lifetime. Sending all my love everywhere today! ❤️❤️❤️

12/15/2020

The healing process is extremely nuanced. Part of me hates trying to dispense wisdom over Instagram because there is so much to consider. For example, a big part of my trauma response and what I default to when I feel scared or vulnerable is to over-function for others, isolate and downright refuse to be taken care of and sustained by other people. AND a huge part of who I am and always will be naturally is to be extremely independent and self-contained. This is why knowing ourselves is one of the most important pieces of our life journey. When I’m self-contained from my wounded place, I’m frantic, flighty and drained. When I’m self-contained from my natural independence I feel open, expansive and confident. There is no substitute for self-knowledge. No matter how great your therapist, coach, mentor or teacher, no one can step into your body to read these cues and know which medicine (correct or continue) is needed except for you.

12/11/2020

You cannot be reduced. You are not a cluster of symptoms. You cannot be contained in a catchy message. You are complex. You are wide. You are deep. You don’t make logical sense. Your story has meaning; it has value; it has contradictions; it has plot twists. You are human. Your experience has its own breath and pulse. Don’t let the expressway of information thrown at you everyday make you forget it!

11/28/2020

I shared in an online community I’m part of that I had a really tough week of work. Another lockdown in Toronto and the holidays approaching are really taking a toll on people. It’s been hard to sit back helplessly and watch it all go down. Someone in the community responded to me by sending me a Brene Brown podcast on burnout. I responded this way: “Thank you but I’m not burnt out, just devastated by what I’m witnessing. I take excellent care of myself these days and it will never be enough to not have heartbreaking weeks”. And it’s not just for me and my given profession but all of us. We live in a society that teaches us that if we just do more we’ll get to where we want. More self care will get us to “better”. I’m sorry but none of us can out-do, out-run or out-work being human. Being human requires just as much surrender to reality and pain as it does action and change. Sending all my tender care to each and every one of you. This year has been a lot!

10/23/2020

I cannot overstate how much of the healing process is about grieving the things we always needed or wanted but never got. Grief is still really misunderstood in our culture and believe me, not only is it possible, but it’s important to grieve for things we always wanted or needed but never got. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself “Damn! Who might I have been by now if I’d gotten the care that I needed?” Would intimacy and romantic relationships still be so fu***ng difficult and painful for me? Would things other people find so normal and common place still feel like such mountains to me? The gaps between what we needed as children and what we got is the heartbreak of a lifetime. It’s important to honour the grief that lives in the spaces where your heart has been broken. Honouring is the thread that sews these breaks back together. Even if you don’t believe your childhood was THAT bad or it could have been worse, I’m saying a prayer for all the things Little You wishes you had but never got.

10/16/2020

I wish you all could see yourselves through my eyes. You’d see that everything you are at this exact moment is a natural expression of our vast Universe. You are a crucial and necessary part of the ecosystem of humanity. Nature tends towards evolution and being the best version of itself, so if you’re growing, that’s beautiful but please remember that there’s nothing wrong with the version of yourself you are right now. Save some love and grace for yourself.

09/17/2020

I’m back! With cooler sunglasses. But I did not do any of the writing or “work” I told you I would do while I was gone. I rested. I had fun. I healed ever more layers of my own trauma. Rest is productive. Fun is productive. Looking into your own heart is productive. Affirming that you deserve joy is productive. F**k our culture of exploiting resources. You are a precious resource. Renew yourself!

07/30/2020

I’m taking the month of August off social media because I have so many goodies coming for you! Wisdom and encouragement and all the words your heart might need to hear! Stay well y’all!

Sara Kassem, MSW, RSW

01/01/2022

05/06/2021

02/02/2021

01/13/2021

12/25/2020

12/15/2020

12/11/2020

11/28/2020

10/23/2020

10/16/2020

09/17/2020

07/30/2020

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