Path Forward Counselling

02/06/2024

In a world that tries to feed us truths and platforms that capitalize on differing opinions, can we see the power in collaboration? Do you prefer an echo chamber or can you sit with humans that carry differing opinions?
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We all have different elements of self. Some call them parts, others call them masks and others intersections. Whatever the name it speaks to the complexity of humanity both between and within.
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Curiosity, empathy, unconditional positive regard, healthy conflict and authenticity are terms thrown around in a person centred humanistic approach. When we are faced with differences can we take a breath, embrace our emotions and lean into the richness of the interaction. Differences can be a catalyst for evolution if we learn to keep ourselves in check.
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02/05/2024

Life can feel so overwhelming at times. We can be faced with new situations that bring a plethora of thoughts and emotions. As difficult as it may feel this can bring an opportunity for learning and growth. By leaning into these new experiences we allow ourselves to expand our perspectives.
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The discomfort can feel intense and we can reframe to use that awareness as a teacher. What lesson is this new situation providing and how can we embrace a new way of being. This is the idea of a growth mindset. By naming our thoughts and emotions, they don’t have to be so intense anymore. We can view them as companions in our journey.
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Every new experience brings new uncertainties. Our brain likes certainty but we can learn to embrace uncertainties as well. Our brains are actually built for change and we can unlock that potential through acceptance of different ways of being!
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04/29/2023

What does it mean to put on an armour of logic? Some of us grew up in environments that felt emotionally unsafe and we now may perceive threat in various human relationships. We have learned that operating from fear is the best way to keep ourselves safe. We have been so well trained in hiding and suppressing our emotions that all we know is to use an armour of logic. Just like a real armour we can put it in and use it to deflect by explaining, controlling, hurting and predicting. This can seriously get in the way of connection.
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When we are ready we can say to the part that is scared that we don’t need that armour of logic anymore. We can metaphorically take it off and put it aside by being curious, exploring and sharing our inner world with those close to us.
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This curiosity can bring the connection we are wired for. The type of connection that lets go of defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt and criticism (or as the Gottmans call the 4 horseman). This connection is based on vulnerability, transparency and openness. It may sound terrifying, however, you might be pleasantly surprised that with the right person profound healing through connection can follow.
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04/20/2023

We live in a society where we are bombarded with highlight reels of the lives of others. It’s easy to fall into the thought that there are lives which are only full of joy.
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With joy comes pain, these highs and lows are connected through a neurotransmitter called dopamine. The reward cycle that is linked to dopamine has its peaks and valleys. The issue is we do not see that in the lives of others and we are well aware of it in our own lives.
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It is important to remember to work on the basics to maintain a manageable baseline. Things like sleep, excercise and light exposure (circadian rhythms) are very important. Also learning to celebrate the process of an activity, letting go of the outcome can assist in the acceptance of the pain and pleasures of life. Life has variation and this simply means we are human!
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04/19/2023

In attachment theory there is a principle that all behaviour has meaning. If we want to leave the door of connection open then curiously trying to understand the meaning of behaviour can be very important.
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It’s not about finding the “right” answer. It’s simply about demonstrating curiosity to what the behaviour is trying to communicate. The child that is having a tantrum, a partner that is shut down, a family member that is always criticizing these are examples of behaviours that have meaning.
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These behaviours can create a reaction within us. It we prioritize connection and get curious, we may find that below the surface the behaviour means so much more! Next time you are faced with a behaviour and want to try a different approach then try to take a breath, metaphorically step back and ask what are they trying to communicate.
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11/09/2022

“Middle-aged men (40 to 60) die by su***de more than anyone, including young people and women (Statistics Canada, 2019)”

Middle-aged men (40 to 60) die by su***de more than anyone, including young people and women (Statistics Canada, 2019). Men are often socialized not to

02/07/2022

How do you strike this balance? It’s easy to think “my way is right and they should listen!” Is this how you want to be in a relationship or family?
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Another way is to look at how you foster connection. Believing in the ability and wisdom of the other can be a shift in perspective. Whether it’s with family or intimate partner, think of what a gift it is to felt believed in. It may not be perfect and mistakes might be made, however, you are celebrating your attachment to them by giving them space to explore themselves.
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Attachment theory speaks to the presence of joy and pain in our relationships. We cannot escape pain because it is interconnected with joy. Giving someone the joy of trust, will come with some pain, however also has an amazingly profound affect on the bond between you. Remember to look at this balance in your relationships and ask yourself do I need to find a new equilibrium for this specific moment.
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01/09/2022

Accepting the uncertainty of life can provide us with a renewed sense of control and freedom. If we try to control everything in the future then we run the risk of becoming paralyzed with trying to predict that which is unknown.
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It can be terrifying sitting with the unknown. Even writing this there is a sense of “I should be able to predict”. Anxiety feeds on our intolerance of uncertainty. The irony is most of life is uncertain.
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If we look inward and start curiously reflecting on ourselves then we can begin to know ourselves. This is the process of being with ourselves in the moment. Celebrating the steps we take is the path to the outcome we need. Being too outcome focused paradoxically moves us away from achieving what we desire.
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01/08/2022

The word therapy being attached to this horrendous practice is both infuriating and deeply saddening. Thank you Canada for making this practice illegal. My heart goes out to those that were convinced there was something “wrong” with them and they could be “fixed”. There is nothing wrong with being our beautiful selves, let love be love and humans be humans.
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10/31/2021

One year ago today I opened up Path Forward Counselling. I feel so blessed for all of the wonderful clients that I have had the pleasure to exchange experiences with in this space. Therapy is a process where lessons are learned bidirectionally.
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To those who have honoured me with their vulnerability, I truly thank you. Im often reminded how the human experience does not spare anyone. It is full of both joy and pain. Riding the wave of acceptance and change can in itself be a cathartic experience. The curious paradox, as Rogers says, is that accepting is part of change.
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I feel so blessed to call this my work and business. Sharing space with others who are all going through life is one of the biggest gifts thus far. Thank you to all who have supported me in my first year. I hope for many more years of shared experiences, teaching and reflections.
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06/15/2021

Non-judgemental, authentic, curious and compassionate inquiry is so often overlooked. These are catchy terms that perhaps not many truly understand their depth.
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What does it mean to genuinely be interested in someone’s story? To query and delve deeper at times, while staying silent in others. To be actively present while proximal to another? How do we bring our humanity into interaction?
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This in my opinion is the therapists biggest tool and yet one that is brushed aside. Critics will say its not enough, I will say they’ve misunderstood the profound nature of this concept. So many layers to the healing elements of genuine curious listening. In our solution focused productive culture…when’s the last time you’ve experienced this?
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06/13/2021

We often view sunsets as these beautiful occurrences. Many describe them as calming and soothing. When’s the last time you were able to view yourself in similar light?
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Far too often we take our thoughts that flow through us as some type of absolute reality. Thoughts are simply manifestations of the mind. We can take control of how much time we spend with our thoughts and which ones we choose to accept.
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We have a say in the storylines that we choose to believe. We can challenge old narratives that no longer serve us. We can become a new author with different stories that are meant to feed our soul. Take that first mindful breath and think of a story that you would like to recreate. You can change the narratives that flow through you.
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