Nightingale Counselling

Nightingale Counselling Vancouver Counselling Therapy and Research clinic.

You’re Not One Voice Inside — And That’s NormalInternal Family Systems therapy begins with a simple but powerful idea: t...
02/14/2026

You’re Not One Voice Inside — And That’s Normal

Internal Family Systems therapy begins with a simple but powerful idea: the mind is made up of parts.

Some parts manage and plan. Some react fast when emotions rise. Others hold pain from earlier experiences and stay hidden because it feels safer that way. None of these parts are bad, they all developed for a reason.

At the center of this system is what IFS calls the Self. The Self is calm, compassionate, curious, and capable of leading. You don’t have to create it. It’s already there, even if it feels far away right now.

When internal conflict becomes overwhelming, it’s often because protective parts are working too hard. They may be trying to prevent pain, shame, or overwhelm, but their efforts can leave you feeling anxious, stuck, or emotionally exhausted.

IFS therapy helps you reconnect with your Self and build a more trusting relationship with your parts. Instead of fighting them, you learn to listen to them, and that’s often when real change begins.

Clients frequently describe this work as relieving. For the first time, their inner experiences start to make sense.

When Parts of You Feel at War With Each Other                       Many people come to therapy feeling frustrated with ...
02/13/2026

When Parts of You Feel at War With Each Other

Many people come to therapy feeling frustrated with themselves. One part wants relief and clarity, while another keeps looping through anxiety, self-criticism, or overwhelming thoughts. Even when you understand why you react the way you do, real change can still feel out of reach.

That internal push-and-pull can make people worry that something is wrong with them. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we see this very differently.

IFS starts from the idea that the mind isn’t a single voice; it’s a system of parts, each with its own role and intention. When parts clash, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means different parts are trying to protect you in different ways.

At Nightingale Counselling, IFS therapy helps people slow down and make sense of these inner conflicts with curiosity instead of judgment. Rather than forcing change, the work focuses on understanding why certain reactions exist, and what they’re trying to do for you.

When parts feel understood, the inner chaos often softens. What replaces it is a steadier, more compassionate relationship with yourself. One where change happens naturally instead of through force.

What Changes When Emotional Safety Comes FirstEmotionally Focused Therapy isn’t just popular, it’s one of the most resea...
02/08/2026

What Changes When Emotional Safety Comes First

Emotionally Focused Therapy isn’t just popular, it’s one of the most researched forms of couples therapy available. Studies consistently show significant and lasting improvements in relationship satisfaction, emotional connection, and communication.

But beyond research, couples often notice very practical changes in daily life.

Arguments don’t disappear, but they become shorter and less intense. Repair happens more easily. Misunderstandings don’t spiral the way they used to. There’s more trust that hard moments won’t threaten the relationship itself.

Perhaps most importantly, emotional safety grows. Partners feel more confident expressing vulnerability, knowing it will be met with care instead of defensiveness. Over time, this creates resilience: the ability to face stress, conflict, and life transitions together instead of turning against each other.

Life feels lighter when you’re not constantly bracing for disconnection.

If you’re wondering whether EFT could help your relationship, a Discovery Session offers a low-pressure way to explore that question. It’s not a commitment to therapy, just a chance to gain clarity and see what change might look like.

How EFT Helps Couples Who Feel Stuck or DisconnectedEmotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is especially helpful for couples ...
02/07/2026

How EFT Helps Couples Who Feel Stuck or Disconnected

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is especially helpful for couples who feel like they’ve tried everything, but keep ending up in the same place.

This includes couples dealing with high conflict, emotional distance, pursue–withdraw patterns, or repeated misunderstandings. Often, both partners want closeness, but their reactions push them further apart.

What makes EFT different is its focus on emotional patterns rather than surface behaviors. Instead of asking who needs to change or communicate better, EFT looks at how both partners get pulled into a shared cycle, one that neither person actually wants.

When that cycle is named, something important shifts. The relationship stops feeling like a battle between two people and starts to feel like a problem they can face together.

Sessions are structured, guided, and paced carefully. There’s no emotional free-for-all and no pressure to be vulnerable before you’re ready. Safety is built intentionally, because without it, lasting change isn’t possible.

For many couples, EFT is the first time therapy feels both gentle and effective.

Welcome to the team Tina Tsonis! 🎉🎉 Tina is one of our newest Associate Counsellors! She is available for in-person sess...
02/07/2026

Welcome to the team Tina Tsonis! 🎉🎉

Tina is one of our newest Associate Counsellors! She is available for in-person sessions at our Granville location, and virtually.

To learn more about Tina and the rest of our team here at Nightingale, please follow the link in our bio.

support

Why “Better Communication” Isn’t Enough on Its OwnMany couples come to therapy believing they have a communication probl...
02/06/2026

Why “Better Communication” Isn’t Enough on Its Own

Many couples come to therapy believing they have a communication problem. They’ve read the books. They’ve tried the tools. They know what to say, but when emotions run high, everything falls apart.

That’s because communication skills don’t function well without emotional safety.

In close relationships, openness requires trust. If you don’t feel emotionally safe, your nervous system will choose protection over clarity every time. That’s when couples fall into familiar cycles: pursuing and withdrawing, criticizing and defending, escalating and shutting down.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) doesn’t start by teaching scripts or techniques. Instead, it helps couples understand the emotional patterns driving these reactions. Once the cycle is visible and shared, blame drops away and safety begins to grow.

Only then do communication tools actually stick.

This is why EFT often works when other approaches haven’t. It creates the conditions where honesty, listening, and repair can happen naturally. Not because you’re trying harder, but because the relationship feels safer from the inside out.

Welcome to the team Tina! 🎉🎉 Tina Tsonis is one of our newest Associate Counsellors! She is available for in-person sess...
02/06/2026

Welcome to the team Tina! 🎉🎉

Tina Tsonis is one of our newest Associate Counsellors! She is available for in-person sessions at our Granville location, and virtually.

To learn more about Tina and the rest of our team here at Nightingale, please follow the link in our bio.

support

Why the Same Fight Keeps Showing Up in Your RelationshipMost couples believe they’re fighting about practical things, th...
02/05/2026

Why the Same Fight Keeps Showing Up in Your Relationship

Most couples believe they’re fighting about practical things, think chores, finances, intimacy, parenting. And while those issues matter, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) looks beneath them.

From an EFT perspective, the real problem isn’t what couples fight about. It’s how they respond emotionally when something feels unsafe. Small moments of disconnection can quickly trigger deeper fears, such as rejection, failure, or the sense of not mattering. Those fears often come out sideways as criticism, shutdown, or defensiveness.

These surface reactions are called secondary emotions. Underneath them are primary emotions, which are the vulnerable feelings that actually shape closeness and trust. Most of us were never taught how to recognize or share these safely, especially in intimate relationships.

EFT helps couples separate the signal from the noise. Instead of getting stuck in the same arguments, partners begin to understand what’s happening emotionally in real time. When emotional safety improves, conversations soften. Defensiveness drops. And the relationship starts to feel less exhausting.

This is why EFT can be so powerful for couples who feel stuck. It doesn’t just change conversations, it changes the emotional foundation beneath them.

What You Won’t Experience in EFT (And What You Will)There are a lot of myths about couples therapy that keep people stuc...
02/01/2026

What You Won’t Experience in EFT (And What You Will)

There are a lot of myths about couples therapy that keep people stuck longer than they need to be.

EFT does not involve emotional flooding.
It does not replay your worst arguments.

And it does not involve the therapist taking sides.

Instead, EFT is carefully paced. Safety comes first. Vulnerability is invited only as trust builds, and is never pushed or forced.

One of the biggest fears couples carry is triangulation: the idea that the therapist will align with one partner and leave the other feeling exposed or wrong. In EFT, preventing this isn’t optional, it’s essential. The entire model depends on neutrality and protecting both partners equally.

By the end of the first session, most couples leave with clarity rather than confusion. You’ll have a sense of direction, an understanding of the process, and often a surprising amount of hope.

At Nightingale Counselling, we believe therapy should feel structured, fair, and human. If you’re curious but nervous, a free consultation is a gentle way to learn more. No pressure, no commitment, just clarity.

What Actually Happens in Your First EFT SessionIf you’ve never done couples therapy before, the unknown can be the scari...
01/30/2026

What Actually Happens in Your First EFT Session

If you’ve never done couples therapy before, the unknown can be the scariest part. So here’s the truth: your first EFT session is not dramatic, rushed, or overwhelming.

It usually begins very simply. You arrive, settle into the room, and take a moment to land. There’s time. You’re not being evaluated or analyzed the second you sit down.

Early in the session, the therapist explains how EFT works, focusing on the no-blame structure. This alone brings relief for many couples. You’ll know how interruptions are handled, how conflict is slowed, and what actually helps the process move forward.

Each partner then gets space to share their experience without interruption. You don’t have to manage the conversation or fight for airtime. The therapist holds the structure so you don’t have to.

As the session unfolds, the focus shifts to the pattern between you, and the emotional loop you both get pulled into. Not who’s right or wrong, but how the cycle works.

Small emotional moments are gently noticed. Nothing is forced. Vulnerability happens at a pace that feels tolerable and respectful. For many couples, this is the first time hard conversations feel contained instead of chaotic.

“No Bad Guys” Isn’t a Slogan — It’s the StructureA lot of couples expect therapy to feel intense, confrontational, or ex...
01/29/2026

“No Bad Guys” Isn’t a Slogan — It’s the Structure

A lot of couples expect therapy to feel intense, confrontational, or exposing. They imagine being pushed to relive their worst fights so the therapist can “see what’s really going on.”

That’s not how EFT works.

The “No Bad Guys” approach isn’t just comforting language, it’s the structure of the therapy itself. EFT is designed to prevent blame, emotional ambushes, and one partner feeling ganged up on. From the very first session, the therapist actively guides the conversation to keep it safe and contained.

There’s no interrogation.
No forced vulnerability.
No engineered blowups.

Instead, the therapist slows things down, helps regulate escalation, and ensures both partners are protected by the process. This creates something many couples haven’t felt in a long time: emotional safety while talking about hard things.

When people feel safe, they don’t have to defend as much. They listen more. They soften. And patterns that once felt personal start to look shared.

Couples often tell us that therapy feels different than they expected: calmer, clearer, and more structured. That’s not accidental. It’s what allows change to happen without anyone feeling exposed or blamed.

Your First EFT Couples Session: No Blame, No Bad GuysMost couples walk into their first therapy session carrying one big...
01/25/2026

Your First EFT Couples Session: No Blame, No Bad Guys

Most couples walk into their first therapy session carrying one big fear:
“Are we about to find out which one of us is the problem?”

If that thought has crossed your mind, you’re not alone. Nor are you wrong for feeling that way. Many people delay couples therapy because they worry it will turn into a courtroom, an interrogation, or a blame-fest.

Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is built specifically to avoid that.

At Nightingale Counselling, EFT starts from a simple assumption: under the conflict, both partners want the same thing, which is to feel safe, loved, and close again. The problem isn’t either of you. It’s the pattern that keeps pulling you into the same painful moments.

From the very beginning, EFT removes the idea of a “bad guy.” There’s no hunting for a villain, no tallying of mistakes, and no pressure to perform therapy the “right” way. Instead, the therapist helps you slow things down and understand what’s happening between you.

Most couples feel relief surprisingly early. Not because everything is solved, but because the fear drops. When blame leaves the room, safety enters. And when safety is present, real connection finally has space to grow.

Address

3195 Granville Street Suite 60
Vancouver, BC
V6H3K2

Opening Hours

Monday 9:30am - 8pm
Tuesday 9:30am - 8pm
Wednesday 9:30am - 8pm
Thursday 9:30am - 8pm
Friday 9:30am - 8pm
Saturday 9:30am - 8pm

Telephone

+12362593499

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