11/10/2022
While it may look all smiles and rainbows, pregnancy is preparing me to face a fear I was pretty unaware of.
My fear of birth has rocked me at many points in this pregnancy.
A primal, subconscious fear from decades of conditioning and programming from media showing women in hospitals screaming and writhing in pain… and the horror stories told to me of people’s unresolved birth trauma.
I had no idea how much it had permeated my subconscious and seeded an overwhelming fear of something so natural, so very human.
Being pregnant now feels like my chance to face the dragon I never knew. As I find myself on a conveyer belt headed to birth I have been tempted to hide and dissociate. But I also want to take this opportunity to face my fear.
So this is my daily practice now, my preparation for birth. To uproot the subconscious conditioning from the external, and seed positive, empowering birth stories to cultivate hope & courage into my psyche (since my body already knows). It’s a mindset game. Thankfully the breath taught me long ago to lose my mind. So I am arming myself with hypnosis & breathwork.
I also draw upon the various challenging, painful and uncomfortable plant medicine ceremonies I’ve sat in, to remember how I coped, and supported myself to the other side, as well as the support I drew in connection to my spirit family and God/universe.
I don’t know how the birth will go. All I can do is prepare with training, my birth wish list, and then surrender and trust.
So much of life is that way.
As a close friend of mine likes to say, “you make a plan and God laughs” ☺️
So, can you set an intention and put your heart & effort towards that intention…and then let go? Or leave space for something else to come through?
That is what I intend to do. Not only is it more peaceful than white knuckling an outcome, it also feels simply: more true.
I wish for any of you out there faced with a fear no matter how big or small to summon your courage to face it and watch yourself grow. We only get so many of these life changing opportunities to face these dragons, and it’s an opportunity to feel alive and learn and grow no matter what the outcome is.
Cont’d 👇