07/30/2025
SECOND STAGE OF RELATIONSHIPS: DIFFERENTIATION
Managing Anxiety over Differences
As each individual re-emerges from the honeymoon phase, differences between you begin to appear. Parts of you or your
partner that may have been dormant begin to surface. Disillusionment and disappointment may arise as you notice each others' imperfections. Emotional triggers may begin to develop.
The desire to spend more time alone or with other friends, as well as the ongoing expression of different values, desires, and behaviors can become quite disturbing. This can be truly a difficult and stressful time.
Some couples rise to the challenge by developing effective means of dealing with differences through healthy conflict management and negotiation. More often, however, struggling couples attempt to solve this crisis by two ineffective solutions designed to
return to the comfort of symbiosis:
1. hiding/denying differences to avoid conflict, or,
2. engaging in angry escalating arguments, hoping to convince their partner to agree in order to find
togetherness.
Both of these may result in repetitive, stifling, unproductive interactions. Ironically, these same sources of tension also hold the greatest promise of personal growth and relationship evolution.
Learn more about the Developmental Model of Relationship Counselling by contacting us and setting up your complementary 30 min consult.
